anxiety
How To Deal With Toxic People
Toxic people can be incredibly difficult to deal with in both personal and professional relationships and can be detrimental to your personal happiness and well-being.
A toxic person is someone whose constant negativity and dysfunctional behavior causes drama in your life and drains you energy whenever they are around. Typical toxic traits include negativity, cynicism, apathy, lack of self-awareness, arrogance, entitlement, self-centeredness, domineering behavior, lack of empathy, being judgmental, dishonesty, anger outbursts, to name only a few.
The most extreme forms of toxicity includes personality disorders like antisocial, borderline, histrionic, and narcissistic personality disorder. A personality disorder is a rigid, deeply characteristic way of thinking, feeling and acting that severely affects the person’s mental well-being, personal relationships and social life.
Toxic people can however be tricky to identify at first, as their dysfunctional traits and behaviors can be very subtle. Some of them are also very good at ‘gaslighting,’ which makes interacting with them even more treacherous.
Gaslighting is a very toxic form of manipulation, game playing, or crazymaking in which you are constantly being misled, confused, lied to, and made to question your own truth and reality. You increasingly feel unsure about the accuracy of your own memories regarding certain events and your personal opinions and perceptions of the world. You may even begin to think that you are to blame for the toxic person’s actions, or that maybe something is very wrong with you, or worse, that you are losing your mind.
Transform Your Tomorrow With Gratitude Tonight
Have you ever had a ‘bad hair’ day? You know, one of those days where nothing seems to go right, including your hair refusing to cooperate? On days like that everything just feels off, and everything that can possibly go wrong does exactly that.
It’s a frustrating experience that can leave one feeling negative, stressed, and overwhelmed. Getting through the mess is one thing, but carrying this negative mindset to bed quote another. If one does not properly resolve the ‘bad hair’ state of mind by bedtime, it will adversely impact your sleep, as well as your mood the next day.
It’s easy to get caught up in a negative thought pattern and spiral into increasing stress, worry and anxiety, from one bad day to the next. Therefore it is vital to adopt a nighttime routine that will help you shift your mindset and promote a more positive outlook the next day. The best way to achieve this is to harness the power of gratitude.
The most common practice for this purpose is to keep a gratitude journal, but I prefer a more hands-on, practical approach. I do a simple ritual with a collection of small stones or crystals that I personally resonate with. I keep them in a bowl on my night table and in the morning, after I’ve made my bed, I place the stones on my pillow.
Then, at night, when I am getting ready for sleep, I sit on the side of my bed and pick up one stone or crystal at a time. I hold the stone in my hand and then think of something that I am grateful for that happened that day. It could be something as simple as a smile from a stranger or a compliment from a client. I focus on that experience or event, and feel the gratitude in my heart.
You Don’t Have To Be Perfect
Whenever we are focused on a task at hand, whether it is career, business or personal, we tend to focus on our mistakes and worry about what we may be doing wrong. Will it meet expectations? Are we good enough? The loud voice of perfectionism in our ego mind is often saying, “You did not do it right, you did not do enough…you are not enough.”
But constantly striving for perfection and beating ourselves up when we cannot meet those impossible expectations, sabotages the very thing we are trying to achieve. It impacts every part of our lives and also affects people around us, including our friends, coworkers, family and life partners.
Setting unrealistic standards for ourselves and others leaves us constantly feeling disappointed in ourselves and let down by others, over and over again. The perfectionism we are striving for becomes front and center in our in relationships, our careers, our health and our overall well-being. The result is anxiety, low self-esteem, fear of failure, depression, and broken relationships.
Failed perfectionism leads us to constantly measuring our worth against others, and vulnerable to the opinions, criticisms, and judgments of others. Perfectionists are very concerned about what others will think or say.
Striving for perfection is also about a need for control, so that our lives and those we care about will work out perfectly as we had planned. But contrary to popular belief, perfectionism does not lead to lasting success and fulfillment.
Have Faith In A Better Future
I received a vital message from spirit today during my daily meditation. Spirit showed me that many people have become extremely anxious and worried in recent years. Many souls are making themselves sick with stress, apprehension, and fear about the state of the world and what the future may hold.
But spirit reassured me that there is absolutely no need for us to do this. My guides also reminded me that most of the things we worry about never end up happening. We live in an abundant, benevolent universe that always returns everything to balance and harmony. The sun will always come out again tomorrow, or the day after.
So, how do we deal with our overwhelming worries and concerns? It starts with our spirituality. If we choose not to believe that the universe is a safe, generous place that rests in the palm of God, Spirit, Source, the Divine’s hand, then it is very difficult to have hope and trust in the future. And when we have no faith, hope or trust, we feel we must try to be in control of everything ourselves. This need for control leads to negative thoughts, constant worry and anxiety, and even paralyzing fear.
The answer is to let go and let God, focus only on the now, and only attempt to control those things that you can control. Trying to constantly change and control the rest of the world and ‘play god’ in our mind is pointless and energetically draining.
Instead, we should direct our focus and attention to positive, uplifting things that we can change and control. Rather than lament everything we feel may be wrong in the world, we can find ways to help make it better.
Instead of dwelling on everything that is not working for us, we can take a new perspective and start doing some things to contribute. We have the power as spiritual beings to become part of the solutions, instead of just adding to the problems.
What If There Is No Tomorrow?
A sense of anguish sometimes strikes us while we are experiencing something good in our life. In the midst of the delightful feelings of happiness and joy, we grimly remind ourselves that we must enjoy it while it lasts, because all good things come to an end.
Yes, everything does come to an end, right up to our own passing from this world to the next. Yes…our inevitable death. Thinking about this can be sad and depressing, but it also not… if we choose otherwise.
There is an ancient philosophy of reflecting on one’s mortality known as memento mori, which in Latin means ‘remember death.’ This profound saying does not only serve to remind us of that our death is inevitable, but also invites us to think about death in a more meaningful way.
In Stoicism, a school of ancient Greek philosophy, memento mori was seen to be a thought process to attribute deeper meaning to life. The philosopher Epictetus famously said, “Keep death and exile before your eyes every day, with all that seems terrible – by doing this, you will never have a base thought, nor an excessive desire.”
Although the notion of memento mori seems at first scary, sad, or tragic, it is in truth a reminder that everything and everyone will eventually come to an end. The moment we sensibly embrace this universal truth, we become so much more aware of how precious every moment of our life is. And ideally it then inspires us to live more fully and intensely, without wasting any more time on trivial things and petty issues.
Control Is The Opposite of Love
I have learned that communication glitches and other side-effects of a Mercury retrograde can actually offer us valuable life lessons if we choose to pay attention.
For example, during the recent retrograde my daughter suffered a migraine on a day she was supposed to visit me. I decided not to pick her up, because she said she was not feeling strong enough. She is prediabetic and I pray and light candles for her daily.
So, I texted her a get-well soon message along with an animated chicken soup meme. Feeling worried about her, I checked in periodically throughout the day see if she had received her ‘virtual chicken soup.’ But the message read receipt only showed ‘delivered.’ No read receipt.
The next day, the text message suddenly showed it had been ‘read,’ but it had the previous afternoon’s timestamp? I noticed a similar phenomenon when co-parenting communication with my daughter’s father also suddenly failed repeatedly and produced delayed read receipts.
Instead of becoming frustrated about it, I contemplated the matter and came to an enlightening conclusion. Spirit clearly said to me, “The need for control is the opposite of love’s vibration.”
This is so very true. Controlling energy is toxic energy. It was a gentle reminder that I need to keep working on releasing my desire to try and be in perfect control of everything in my life at all times.
When we constantly feel the need to control every aspect of our day, rather than letting the energies of universal love, joy and abundance flow freely in our life, we block our blessings and personal growth.
The Healing Energies Of Plant Spirits
Here in Latin America there is a rich tradition of herbalism and ceremonial, shamanic spiritual medicine. There has also been in recent times a global revival of plant medicine and natural healing practices, as well as a renewed interest in related indigenous wisdom traditions found in many cultures all over the world.
As a result of modern science, we have largely abandoned and forgotten the fountain of knowledge the aborigines had regarding healing and natural harmony. It took us several centuries to realize what we have lost and overlooked in the process.
Herbalism is however not only about natural medicine potentially having fewer side effects than modern pharmaceuticals. It is also about the innate energetic qualities we share with a particular plant. This approach to healin stems from a worldview that fully integrates man and nature.
In local tradition, near the Andes, the timing is just as important as the type of plant used for healing purposes. Depending on the season, or the phase of moon, for instance, the plant’s properties will vary, and its effectiveness less than optimal if used at the inappropriate time.
Both the healer and their patient’s attitude towards the plant itself is also an important factor in the healing process, as the respect and gratitude shown to the plant will determine its healing ability.
In shamanic herbalist practices it vital to understand that all entities are considered to have elemental energy, including plants and humans. This is the metaphysical premise of all plant medicine and magic. In fact, for the traditional herbalist all plants have spirits. And each one has specific faculties and properties at different levels or frequencies that can heal us in mind, body and soul.