family
‘Under-Doing’ For You And ‘Overdoing’ for Others?
Are you ‘under-doing’ for yourself, or perhaps ‘overdoing for others’ in order to gain approval and love? Many of us fall into this pattern without even realizing it.
When we are raised to be helpful, agreeable and accommodating, it can become second nature to say yes whenever someone asks something of us.
For some people it can take many years, sometimes even decades, to recognize that constantly putting others first may not always be the healthy or loving choice it appears to be.
Learning to set healthy boundaries is not something most of us are taught when we are young, especially if we have grown accustomed to keeping the peace by going along with what others want.
Many of us know what it feels like to be the person everyone relies on. When something needs to be done, we are the first person people think of. When someone needs help, they call us.
At first this can feel rewarding because we enjoy being supportive and dependable. Yet always being that ‘Yes’ person can quietly create an imbalance over time.
When we continually give our time, energy and attention to others without receiving the same in return, the natural flow of energy becomes disrupted. Healthy relationships usually involve a balanced exchange between people.
Healing Ancestral Trauma In Your Family Lineage
Have you ever heard a whisper from your ancestors that is clearly guiding you? Sometimes it also comes as a gesture of approval.
I have heard my fair share, including one of my dearest family members whispering to me, and calling me by name, as she left her hospital bed at the time of her passing. It was so clear, sacred and spot on!
She was letting me know how to deal with issues that would be coming my way after her passing, because she would no longer be there to protect me. And, oh, the validation! It meant so much. Far more than my mere words can express. Stemming the flow is indeed observed by our ancestors.
Every lineage has wounds that are passed along throughout generations. The trauma is deeply ingrained in our ancestry. There are no exceptions.
Lucky are those of us who have chosen to affect the healing of these imprints. Usually, in a generation, it is the task of the person that is most misunderstood.
If that person is you, it is your sacred task and a path of honor that is earned through hardship on many levels, especially familial relationships. No worries. Your ancestors are guiding you.
If you listen closely, you will hear them speak encouragingly. And, be sure to watch for indications of their presence. Indeed, they are witnessing for you.
Context, Context, Context
In the sales and marketing field they often talk of ‘location, location, location’ (no matter how good your product or service is, how successful you are often comes down to location). Perhaps in our communication with others we should think of context, context, and context?
We have entered a period of time in the world that communication is misconstrued, even fake and has more opportunities to be interpreted as confrontational, biased, and not politically correct.
On top of that put an individual’s personal style of communication – introvert, extrovert, analytical, emotional subjective and all the other styles, and the matter becomes more thorny.
Then, add even another layer, such as email and social media, which does not involve the other person being face-to-face.
Now communication becomes even more complex, because body language and the human expression energetically is not a resource available to us to can pick up on the subtle options for interpretation. We will initially respond to the email from our frame of reference, and our reference alone, which is biased by our experiences.
So what do we do? Well, we recognize the importance of ourselves being energy vibration, through which our body communicates consciously and subconsciously with everything in our environment. We acknowledge that our emotions, beliefs and thoughts are complex, inter-connected and influence each situational response in our communication.
Navigating Grief Without Losing Yourself
In my work as a psychic reader, I have worked with many people navigating grief. Over the years, I have witnessed how people process loss and transition differently.
I have often had to guide clients toward grounding, self-trust, and setting compassionate boundaries. And, as life would have it, I recently had to draw on that wisdom and apply it to my own family.
My father was recently admitted to hospice care at his local nursing home after spending a week in the hospital. His prognosis was poor.
As our family transitioned to this new phase of care, I stayed in touch with loved ones and made decisions centered on his comfort and dignity.
At the same time, I made a conscious effort to protect my emotional energy and maintain healthy boundaries so that I could stay grounded.
In these circumstances I’ve been grappling with a kind of grief that isn’t often acknowledged: the grief of realizing someone you love is no longer the person they once were.
Even when they are physically present, the relationship shifts. There can be a quiet heartbreak in adjusting to the present while remembering the past.
There is also grief in watching a family reorganize itself. During times of transition, long-standing dynamics often change. Some family connections deepen and some relationships no longer operate as they once did. This can also feel like a loss in terms of shared understanding and how things “used to be.” Sudden changes in family circumstances tend to reveal where everyone actually stands.
Time Apart Is Healthy For Your Relationship
Have you noticed that your relationships with partner, friends and even family members are much better when you see them less often? There is real wisdom in the saying “absence makes the heart grow fonder.”
When we are around the same person for a very long time, they tend to eventually bore, frustrate, or annoy us. Time away is vital. We all need space to recharge our batteries and newly appreciate the people in our lives.
I know this is tried and true from having done may psychic readings over the years for people who found relief, and even rebirth, in their relationships after they had been away from their lovers, spouses, wives, husbands mothers, sisters, or friends. Not only did they ultimately appreciate their loved ones more, but they also got along much better with them.
There is on rare occurrences those who can tolerate being around each other 24/7 and get along wonderfully. But this rare.
Most of us need to take a break sometimes. If you want to enhance any relationship, taking a little time away (even just for the day) from each other can work wonders.
I know two people that have been married for a very long time, and it seems they are always happiest after hunting season. During the months of September and October this lady I read for is always so upbeat, full of energy and ideas, and brimming with creativity.
Do Our Loved Ones Become Our Spirit Guides?
While doing mediumship readings, I often have people ask me if their loved ones who have crossed over are now their spirit guides. The answer is, no. While our loved ones, who have crossed over, do watch over us, and communicate with us through dreams and other means, they are not our spirit guides.
Becoming a spirit guide requires many life times of experience, schooling and training. Our loved ones can give us energy, love and light, but they are not allowed to interfere with our destiny in any way.
So, what is the difference between spirit guides and loved ones who have crossed over?
Spirit guides are with us before we choose our life. They help us decide what goals we have and what we want to emphasize and work on in the next life. They remind us of the lessons in life we struggle with every life.
Our guides also remind us of the lessons we have avoided signing up for in our past lives. Have you taken on disability? Poverty? Wealth? Abuse? Fame? What adversities have you overcome and which ones will you need to take on?
Often we feel we are being punished by these adversities when on earth, when in reality, we decide to take them on and gain the strength, compassion, empathy and wisdom they teach us.
Every soul will need to take on the mirror images of every human experience. Poverty and wealth. Sickness and health. Justice and injustice. Power and powerlessness. Freedom and restraint. These aren’t punishments.
My Grandfather’s Selfless Gift Of Love
Cherubic looking, my grandfather had a round face that was quick to reveal his kindness and empathy. He was just as fast to tell a joke, which he frequently did.
His tummy always shook when he laughed out loud… like Santa Claus. He was a little, round Irish man that doted on me when I was deeply in need of this level of parental love and nurturing.
It’s not too bad a story, as stories go. I was simply born to a couple of kids. My mother and father were naive country folk, and very young. Much too young to be responsible parents.
I think that children back then, especially at those tender ages, were even younger than their years, as compared to today’s worldly young people on TikTok. The world was a little more naive then, compared to today.
Anyway, when I was a baby, my parents left me with my grandfather, for him to raise me. From what I know this arrangement was not forced on him, he volunteered.
He passed away when I was 23 years old, and he was only 62.famil
Granddaddy didn’t want to go, and I had experienced so little loss in life at that age that, even as I watched him slowly slip away, I wasn’t quite understanding the process. I realize now that I simply couldn’t imagine my life without him. My grandfather and I were togetherness personified. I was his hero and he was mine.