Love & Relationships
When Your Man Is Not Ready To Commit
I often hear how wonderful the guy is that she is dating… if only he would commit to taking their relationship to the next level!
If a woman is not satisfied with the way things are going and what she is getting from the relationship, should she continue to wait for him?
By patiently waiting for him against your better judgment, he only learns that he can get away with his lack of commitment, especially if he feels comfortable with what he is getting from the relationship. This way a pattern is formed.
So, how do you avoid wasting some of the best years of your life waiting on a guy that is never going to commit?
Well, right from the start you tell him what your looking for and what your expectations are. But handle it carefully, after all you don’t want to scare him away before things even get off the ground!
But do let him know how you feel about dating, long-term relationships, commitment, marriage, children, and whatever else may be important to you.
This will inform him, so that you have a better shot at being on the same page. If he starts to make excuses, or says that he is not interested in a long-term commitment, at least not right now, then accept his words as the truth.
If you are looking for long-term, committed relationship, then spend time with a guys who shares the same values and expectations. Watch his actions – they do speak louder than words!
Always Remember That You Are Enough
You are enough. If only, as we grew up, we had heard more such words, even if there was an additional “… and yet strive for more”.
The fact is we were raised in a world where competition is prevalent; where our insecurities are often emphasized to us, or used as leverage (intentionally or otherwise); where our personal beliefs about ourselves potentially delays our soul evolution.
As partners in the Universe we say to ourselves, “Everything has a reason, we each have a soul purpose, all is in Divine Order.”
Yet, when a tragedy or life shattering moment hits, we are so intimately impacted that we have to dig deep to console ourselves and try to reframe that that tragedy has a Divine purpose, and that you have enough and are enough in that moment.
Perhaps such a life event is the loss of a family member, a loving relationship, job, pet, or a financial crisis, or any other life-changing event. Our faith in Divinity may keep us going, but it does not change the fact that we are deeply grieved by this loss.
Our ego will bring up all sorts of emotions, including anger, grief, betrayal, denial, hatred and many other emotions. You may espouse such things as, “Why them why not me” or “I feel cheated” and “How could this happen”.
In our Divine space, devoid of analytical ego, we know in our heart this experience is for our soul growth path and those closely connected with us, but that is still hard to face.
Tune Into The Guidance Of Your Emotions
I believe our emotions are an additional ‘sense’ we use as a means of interpreting our life experiences, in the same way the normal five senses enable us to perceive and understand the world around us. Our ‘emotional sense’ help us make decisions about our preferences all the time.
For example, I love chocolate. My sense of taste tells me that chocolate is for me! It’s a very clear and obvious signal from my taste buds to my brain. We receive and process stimuli all the time and our senses help us to ‘make sense’ of that input.
Your emotions are also giving you information about your preferences and if we listen and pay attention, we can gain a lot of guidance from it. Our emotions don’t just come from nowhere. They arise in direct response to stimuli or input, just like our senses do.
I have also heard emotions described as an internal guidance system, or our inner compass, which helps us decide what we want to create more of, and less of, in our life. We sometimes get confused though, because just like the other senses, we have different preferences.
For example, some people love coconut desserts, but I detest then. Not thanks, keep your coconut out of my chocolate! The thing is, I’m not confused about the fact that I don’t like coconut. I also don’t feel I have to change my preference because other people love coconut. And I also don’t force myself to eat it, just to make other people happy.
When one of our five physical senses tells us something we tend to listen, because it’s visceral. We feel it undeniably in the body. Emotions are no different!
Learning To Say Yes To Yourself
It is in the empath’s nature to say ‘yes’ to just about anything requested of them. It goes against our grain. For some of us, saying ‘no’ also brings on fears of rejection, abandonment or letting someone down when it may be important to support them.
Rather than finding an excuse, or simply telling the truth, many of us give in and just go along. It just feels easier in the moment, and even validating or satisfying.
But when you end that phone call, or respond to another text, and you feel anxious and panicked, while you start going over all the other things that will have to fall to the wayside by saying yes, then you really are saying no to yourself.
Self-care requires that we sometimes say no to others, in order to say yes to our own well-being and peace of mind. Consequently, the person that you said yes to won’t be getting the best of you. If you have said yes at your own expense, then what you bring to the table for that person is stress and anxiety. Your best self will not be fully present.
Saying yes, when you really want to say no, can also lead to resentment that you then attach to the person who asked for your assistance.
Here the responsibility lies with ourselves. We teach people how to treat us and many times we don’t give others enough credit for understanding when we say no. Most people would rather hear. “No thanks, that time doesn’t work for me” or “I have other commitments,” instead of having to sense a half-hearted or less than enthusiastic yes.
The Sweet Nectar Of Romantic Relationships
The energy of the hummingbird brings immense wisdom to be shared with us. When he appears it is always such a treat, as I have learnt so much from this amazing bird, including about love and romantic relationships.
When the hummingbird comes into my life asking to be painted, my vision blurs. I can then only see my artwork clearly and the brush strokes needed to finish his painting. I have learned that sometimes our own vision needs to become blurred, so that what we are seeking can be shown to us.
I have also learned that the ‘narrowed vision’ of hummingbird is vital to the health and vitality of our relationships, especially those of a romantic nature. When we keep our focus firmly on the present moment and the feelings we share with our partner in this moment, rather than on the negative thoughts, concerns or expectations, we blur out the noise.
This allows for a breaking away from the old energy patterns and lack consciousness that too often govern the roles played out in our relationships. It allows for a simplicity to arise in the communion and communication with our partner.
The hummingbird gathers nectar from the flower through its power of focus and natural instincts. It trusts its own innate nature to choose the flowers that will nourish and feed it. Finding trust in our own feelings and intuition is important, so that our relationships are nourished and allowed to blossom from within.
Crossing Over Into Unconditional Love
Is my mom okay? Is my dad still in pain? Is my friend trying to speak to me? Is my grandmother proud or ashamed of me? Does my husband forgive me?
These are just a few of the many questions that I am asked by bereaved family members and friend, when they lose someone dear to them.
Firstly, it is important to understand that we are all spirit with a temporary physical body. And we have free will in how we choose to live our lives. Some of us choose to be kind and giving, while some are abusive and filled with anger. It is not our place to judge each other, simply to know that free will was a gift given to us before we came into this current physical body.
When I am asked these questions, the initial part of the answer is always going to be the same. The person that you lost simply left their physical body behind; their spirit never faltered.
When someone crosses over, no matter who, or how, the moment of crossing is always met with pure love. Their angel reaches out a hand and when they touch the light shows them that there is nothing to be afraid of.
They instantly know that the place where they are returning to is a place of light and harmony. It is a place of pure, unconditional love. Hate disappears, hurt or pain disappears. There is no shame, not disrespect. And there is only unconditional love for those that remain here on earth waiting for our turn to join them.
The Powerful Bond Of A First Love Connection
I think we can really feel the intensity of true love the most when we are young and experience falling in love for the first time. The feeling is so strong and all encompassing.
When love takes over everything in the world just feels so much better. The grass is greener and everything is perfect and good, in a way that words simply cannot express. If you fall madly in love with someone, and you are really lucky and get to have and hold that love, it is even more profound and deep-seated.
I was fortunate to experience this once. It happened while I was working as a bagger at a local grocery store. I stood up, after stocking the paper bags, and suddenly locked eyes with a wonderful soul. He obviously felt the same way, because he returned with his phone number that he had written on a small piece of paper for me.
We had a wonderful romantic relationship for nearly four years. He ended up finishing medical school several states South from where we initially met. Despite my fear of flying, I did fly down to see him once. I also took my Tarot cards and did a few readings for him. The ‘Death’ card kept popping up, but I kept reassuring him that it usually means ‘transition’, and not to worry, no one is going to die.
He came home for a family visit a few months later. I was sitting at his parents’ pool in the back yard, where he grew up. I suddenly sensed something terrible. I had this overwhelming and ominous premonition that someone in his family was going to die. Being so connected to him, I felt that it wouldn’t be him, but his brother. I felt very strongly about this. Seeing him playing his guitar, so alive and happy, I could not begin to imagine losing him.