The Empath’s Guide To Toxic Friendships
Our friends are a beautiful and enriching part of our lives. In some cases, they even become our chosen family through the bonds of mutual caring and shared life experiences.
Healthy friendships are built on a foundation of balance. They’re marked by mutual support, trust, loyalty, acceptance, and honesty, all with a touch of compassion. But for the empath or highly sensitive person, friendships can sometimes be a bit of a rollercoaster.
We might feel like we’re always giving and giving, and sometimes we might even feel drained. It can be hard to know when to draw the line with someone who might be taking advantage of our energy.
Friendships can be so many different things, and it’s important to remember that not all of them are the same. They range from casual acquaintances to deep, intimate bonds we form with those we call our “besties.”
It’s so important to have a close friend you can trust with your most private fears, dreams, and vulnerabilities. But, sadly, this isn’t always the reality. If you’re the kind of person who is sensitive to the feelings of others, you know how hard it can be when you’re betrayed or disappointed by someone close to you. It can feel like the saying “keep your enemies close” is true in these situations.
Some of us are more outgoing and have a large social circle, while others are more introverted and have a small social circle. Empaths can fall into either category. Regardless of which category an empath falls into, it is wise for us to exercise discernment.
Honoring Yourself In Difficult Family Relationships
Family dynamics can be tremendously complex for many of us. These relationships are multilayered and deeply ingrained, often playing out across generations.
Many of my clients seek psychic insight about family matters. After matters of love and romance, and then business or career, family is often the most emotionally charged subject.
In readings, especially with empaths, intuitives, and highly sensitive individuals, I hear countless stories of family pain. Many carry a sense of never belonging, of being misunderstood or scapegoated.
These emotional burdens are often the heaviest that people bear because they are tied to the people they loved first and still love, despite the hurt.
When control or finances are interwoven into the family structure, the complexity of these relationships multiplies.
For many, family represents a love-hate relationship or a deep bond that carries deep wounds. While we cannot choose our family, we do have a say in how we interact with them, how we respond, and whether we continue to engage.
Severing family ties is a significant and often heartbreaking decision that is never taken lightly. By the time someone considers taking this step, the drama or emotional abuse has often been ongoing for decades and is sometimes rooted in a vividly painful childhood.
What To Do When A Lost Love Lingers
Many of the readings I do are about love and relationships, and a good percentage of them are about past relationships that continue to linger in the hearts and minds of some callers.
For some people there are often constant, even obsessive thoughts about a former partner, a longing for a second chance, or bitterness and regret for time and energy that now seems wasted. The longer and more intense the relationship, the more battle scars and wounds there often are.
If it was a soulmate or twinflame connection, the aftermath can be especially devastating. The relationship has ended and the connection has been severed in this lifetime. This can be very painful. You know you gave it your all. You hung in there for years, or you made heroic efforts to ensure the survival of the relationship, but it did not work out as you had hoped.
If you are highly sensitive and intuitively aware, you may still be picking up the energy of your former partner, which can be very painful, disturbing and disruptive. Unresolved energetic connections can keep you stuck in a repetitive cycle of repeating the same pattern with that person, or put you on hold, unable to move forward in peace and confidence.
I am often asked, “Is it really over?” or “Does he still have feelings for me?” Of course, the answer depends on the unique circumstances.
Spiritual Self-Care For The Sensitive Soul
For those of us who are highly sensitive, including psychics, mediums, healers, and empaths, practicing consistent spiritual self-care is essential to maintaining our overall well-being.
If you identify with this group and neglect the daily maintenance of your energetic health and spiritual hygiene, you leave yourself vulnerable. This can manifest as emotional, mental, and even physical health problems. The good news? You can safeguard your well-being with a dedicated spiritual self-care routine.
Spiritual self-care is about nurturing your inner being and maintaining healthy energy flow and balance. It includes practices that support your spiritual well-being and ensure that you stay grounded, centered, and connected to your higher self and the universe.
Regular spiritual self-care is also a matter of health. Research strongly supports the positive effects of spirituality on our overall health. Studies show that spiritually active people tend to live longer and enjoy better mental and physical health. For example, spirituality has been shown to correlate with a reduced risk of Alzheimer’s disease and cognitive decline.
Spirituality is associated with better mental health, including lower levels of depression and anxiety. Studies show that spiritual activities promote positive emotions such as hope, forgiveness, and gratitude, which contribute to resilience to stress and emotional challenges. It also promotes healthier lifestyles, including reduced substance use and better stress management.
Anger Awareness For The Empowered Empath
Of all the emotional energies that empaths have to deal with, anger is one of the most powerful and potentially destructive, because empaths feel and react first, and think later.
An empath’s initial reaction to someone else’s angry feelings is usually some form of intense “fight or flight” response.
The more extroverted empath will often respond to the anger with equal force, usually involving a very intense and potentially catastrophic emotional outburst. The introverted empath will usually “flee” the scene or do everything possible to avoid the person who is emitting the anger.
After the initial reaction, the empath’s emotional state will often then shift to sadness, anxiety, or feeling drained and depressed at seemingly inappropriate times and for no apparent reason.
Because it is very common for empaths to be intensely aware of the feelings, moods, and motives of others, sometimes even before others are aware of their own feelings, a strong emotion like anger deeply affects us. And if the other person is a spouse or partner in a romantic relationship, anger can become a proverbial land mine. Ditto if it is a co-worker or employer.
Comparison Poisons The Heart, Mind And Soul
When we are going through difficult times, we tend to compare our struggles and suffering to the lives of others and measure ourselves by their perceived happiness, joy and success.
We often do this these days by comparing our own lives to what others post on social media. Then we judge and mentally torture ourselves for not living up to other people’s highlight reels of happiness and good fortune.
Sure, it is sometimes beneficial to self-reflect and strive for more based on the examples of others who serve as our role models. However, when we indiscriminately compare our own life journey to everyone else’s, we end up diminishing our own uniqueness and value.
While social comparison can motivate us to improve and grow, it can also lead to toxic self-judgment, envy, resentment, and extreme unhappiness. Constantly focusing on the highlights of other people’s lives quickly becomes toxic and self-destructive.
However, this tendency is not a character flaw in some of us. In fact, it is a natural evolutionary instinct that we all have. Our ancestors survived by living in social groups. Our tendency to compare ourselves to others is therefore a very common human trait, rooted in our evolution as a species.
Spiritual Self-Care Empowers The Empath
Because empaths spend a great deal of time experiencing the emotions and feelings of others in a very visceral way, spiritual self-care is especially important for us.
Work, family, friends, and intimate relationships, not to mention current world events, can take a toll on anyone, but they can be especially overwhelming for the empath. That’s why it’s important for empaths to be clear about which feelings and emotions are their own and which are coming from external sources.
Empaths are often compared to sponges, as they tend to ‘absorb’ all the energy and emotions around them. Sooner or later, the empath’s energy field becomes overwhelmed with energy imprints, residue, and attachments, and cannot absorb any more.
Instead of adopting a spiritual self-care routine to maintain their health and well-being, some empaths tend to engage in self-destructive behavior or self-medicate with food, alcohol, caffeine, or even drugs in an attempt to find relief. In the worst cases, this can result in a complete breakdown or worse.
It’s obviously wiser and much healthier for empaths to find a more constructive way to recharge their energy and center and ground themselves. Also, bad lifestyle habits will do nothing to shield your aura from outside energies.