loved ones
Stop Surviving And Start Living
The past three years, I have heard many people say they’re living in ‘survival mode.’ For some it has been about health and personal safety, for others it was isolation and loneliness, or bereavement and grief, or loss of employment and financial security.
It has certainly been an unprecedented, challenging time for our generation. And at times it has indeed been an actual fight for survival, which many tragically did not survive. Many families are still grieving the loss of their loved ones.
Sadly, for some it has also been a time of fearing many things that never happened. It has also been a time that revealed how some folks may be in need of a major ‘privilege check.’ For example, I personally know people who were excessively anxious during the quarantine lockdowns because they were eating too much and gaining weight, or were upset because they could not go to the salon or spa, while there are people in the world who were not even able to feed their families, or worse, had nowhere safe to take shelter.
The global pandemic has indeed been a unique opportunity to reflect on our beliefs, values, and what truly matters to us. Not everyone made the most of this prospect. It seems for some it is still difficult to move beyond the self-defeating mindset of ‘it’s a struggle to survive.’
Yes, life is sometimes definitely hard for all of us. The past three years proved that once again on a global scale. Life can throw major curve balls our way and we all handle things through our personal lens on the world. Some of us are more resilient than others; and some of us more privileged than others. Being in ‘survival mode’ is therefore relative to the individual.
Healing From A Relationship Break-Up
Breaking up with someone can be one of the most difficult experiences in life, especially when it is a long and deeply meaningful relationship. It can feel impossible to see any future without that person and very difficult to move on and find joy in life again.
I find many of my clients do not realize that dealing with a break-up or divorce is very similar to processing the bereavement and grief associated with the passing of a loved one. It is often accompanied by agonizing sorrow, intense feelings of despair, and an all-encompassing sense of loss and confusion.
According to clinical psychologist Dr. Tricia Wolanin it is actually “the death of a relationship, hopes and dreams for the future. The person we are losing was a big part of our world and therefore has taken up so much of our mental and heart space.”
It is however possible to recover, heal and move on after any breakup or divorce. In my work I have found the following strategies to be helpful for clients who go through this kind of life challenge.
Avoid Major Life Decisions
It is usually not a good idea to make any important life decisions if you are working through the aftermath of a breakup. This includes changing your job or career, relocating, or making other drastic changes to your life. It is vital to take some time to heal and reflect on the situation before making hasty life-changing decisions that you may later live to regret.
Nothing Tastes Sweeter Than Gratitude
During the holidays, most homes and businesses have their festive lights and decorations up. One of the parking lots in my neighborhood is currently featuring a flamboyant set of beautiful red lights that really struck me as I was driving by the other day. In fact, it caused a strong emotional reaction within me.
Now, what might be so profound or special about a display of red Christmas lights, you may wonder. It is, after all, a typical holiday decoration seen everywhere this time of year. So, what’s the big deal? Well, those lights set me off so much because it brought back precious memories of my childhood.
I grew up in a very small town in New Brunswick, Canada. My family struggled and we were very poor. However, that did not prevent my parents from ensuring that we still enjoyed a few rare luxuries and treats on special occasions.
The most memorable of these were the “barley toys,” as we used to call them. Every Christmas, it was the tradition for each of us to receive a packet of barley toys. Now, this has nothing to do with actual toys. Instead, a barley toy is a kind of clear sugar lollipop or sucker shaped like a toy. These translucent, glass-like candies traditionally come in whimsical shapes, including various animals, as well as ships, trains, cars and, of course, Santa Clause.
According to the Startup Candy Factory in Provo, Utah, one of the earliest clear toy candy makers in the United States, German immigrants brought this holiday tradition to America and original recipes for it can be traced back to the 1700s. It was originally called “barley candy,” because cane sugar was very scarce at the time, so early candy makers used the cheaper and more readily available barley sugar.