narcissism
Breaking Free From A Toxic Family Curse
Over the past year and a half, I have been working with a client who grew up in one of the most toxic families I have ever encountered in my work. It has been a long time since I have been so moved by a client’s tragic story and ancestral legacy. With her permission, I thought it might be helpful to share some of her experiences.
She was raised by an extremely narcissistic mother who manipulated and emotionally abused her for most of her life with belittling scapegoating and harsh criticism, until she finally managed to break free and set healing, healthy boundaries.
But once those long overdue boundaries were in place, she suddenly discovered that her siblings had taken it upon themselves to continue their mother’s toxic behavior toward her! While she thought she had finally found some peace in her life, and could safely confide in her siblings about her healing journey, she soon found out how wrong she was.
Until recently, she had openly shared her thoughts and feelings about her mother with her siblings. They, in turn, wholeheartedly agreed and confided that they felt the same way. As her younger siblings, they claimed to have endured similar abuse from their mother. No matter what they said or did, they were also constantly verbally attacked and criticized by her.
Meanwhile, none of her siblings claims were true. As the family scapegoat she was in fact the only one who endured all their mother’s abuse. I tried to caution her every time we did a reading, but she suffered betrayal blindness when it came to her siblings, in the same way she did for many years with her mom.
Betrayal Blindness And The Family Scapegoat
I have a good friend who was raised by a mother who constantly belittled and talked down to her. She never defended herself, because she grew up believing that she deserved her mother’s abuse, because something was wrong with her causing her to always say and do the wrong things.
Once she graduated high school, she moved out of her mom’s house. Her life became much more peaceful for several years, until she started noticing that her brother was following in their mother’s footsteps by adopting the same kind of toxic, abusive language towards her.
It oddly became evident to her one year at Christmas time, when she gifted him a beautiful, crocheted blanket that she had been working on for many months and he rolled his eyes and made some disparaging remark about it. She then started noticing how pompous, ungrateful, and narcissistic he truly was. Growing up with him, she always assumed he just had bit of an ego or a macho attitude, but now that she had gained life experience and wisdom, she realized he was simply an abusive jerk.
Still, she chose not to criticize or judge him. In fact, she did the opposite, she encouraged his long-suffering partner to stay by his side and continue to support and love him, because she understood that he was also just a product of his upbringing, like herself. Meanwhile, he faithfully continued judging and belittling her. Because that is what he had seen their mother do all his life.
But one day, something inside her finally shifted. She had reached a point of no return and decided to start standing up for herself! Enough already.
Free Yourself From An Unhealthy Relationship
An intimate relationship or marriage is meant to be a safe space. Your partner or spouse is supposed to be the closest person in your life. They should be the one person you are able to trust unconditionally with the most important aspects of your life.
If you are currently in a challenging relationship, you need to ask yourself if this union has all the key traits for a healthy, happy relationship. Do you feel secure, safe, and supported? More importantly, do you feel loved and valued?
If not, are you hoping it will somehow work eventually, and develop into something that will offer you more of what you need and deserve?
These are vital questions to ask yourself, not only before you commit to someone, but also throughout the relationship. All relationships evolve over time as people change and grow.
Just because everything was great during the initial ‘honeymoon’ phase of a relationship, does not guarantee it will remain that way. A healthy relationship continues to grow and evolve, as both partners grown and evolve.
I have worked with many clients over the years who settled for less, or got caught up in the downward spiral of a dysfunctional, toxic relationship. Saying “I love you” does not mean much if it is not backed up by matching actions and behavior.
Ghosting, Gaslighting And Gameplaying!
In my work as a psychic, I assist clients daily with navigating life’s challenges, especially their relationships with the people in their life. While the guidance I receive from spirit has essentially remained the same over the years, the language I use to relay this information changes over time.
The professional psychic must constantly adapt and renovate the terminology she uses in readings to communicate spirit’s messages. New slang and buzzwords continually show up in our culture as society evolves, and it must become part of the psychic’s vocabulary to ensure she communicates clearly and effectively.
Three of the new terms that frequently comes up in readings these days is ghosting, gaslighting, and gameplaying.
Ghosting
Ghosting is when someone stops communicating with you, casually ignores you, and no longer replies to any of your calls or messages. All communication is abandoned for no apparent reason.
“He has been ghosting me!” some clients frequently exclaim. “What is going on? Why is he acting this way?” In these readings, it often becomes clear that he may be doing so for one of the following reasons:
The Mystical Tale Of The Lovers Card
I have made an illuminating discovery regarding the Lovers card in the Tarot. In all the years I have been practicing cartomancy, I never realized certain aspects of this card’s mytsical symbolism and its portrayal of the healing power of divine love.
In the classic Rider-Waite rendition, it is commonly accepted the card merely depicts an archetypal Adam and Eve in the Garden of Eden, with a scheming serpent lurking behind Eve and the majestic figure of an angel looming overhead. Recently, I learned from a psychic colleague’s podcast that the angelic figure portrayed in the in card in fact represents the Archangel Raphael. I’ve always been fascinated by Raphael, the angelic healer of minds, bodies and souls.
Raphael is first mentioned the ancient Hebrew apocalyptic book of Enoch, as well as the deuterocanonical book of Tobit. Also known as the apocrypha, the deuterocanonical books are not traditionally included in Protestant and Jewish canonical texts, but it is recognized in the Roman Catholic and Orthodox traditions.
The book of Tobit relays the story of a blind man named Tobit and his son Tobias, whom he sends to retrieve an investment of silver he had deposited in a town in Media in north-western Iran. With the protection and guidance of the angel Raphael, Tobias arrives along his journey in Ecbatana, the capitol of Media, where he meets a young woman named Sarah.
Sarah is in utter despair and praying for death, as she has already lost seven husbands. Each of her lovers had been murdered on their wedding night by the demon Asmodeus, who is obsessively in love with her. Angel Raphael encourages Tobias to marry Sarah and then helps him to defeat the homicidal demon.
How To Deal With Toxic People
Toxic people can be incredibly difficult to deal with in both personal and professional relationships and can be detrimental to your personal happiness and well-being.
A toxic person is someone whose constant negativity and dysfunctional behavior causes drama in your life and drains you energy whenever they are around. Typical toxic traits include negativity, cynicism, apathy, lack of self-awareness, arrogance, entitlement, self-centeredness, domineering behavior, lack of empathy, being judgmental, dishonesty, anger outbursts, to name only a few.
The most extreme forms of toxicity includes personality disorders like antisocial, borderline, histrionic, and narcissistic personality disorder. A personality disorder is a rigid, deeply characteristic way of thinking, feeling and acting that severely affects the person’s mental well-being, personal relationships and social life.
Toxic people can however be tricky to identify at first, as their dysfunctional traits and behaviors can be very subtle. Some of them are also very good at ‘gaslighting,’ which makes interacting with them even more treacherous.
Gaslighting is a very toxic form of manipulation, game playing, or crazymaking in which you are constantly being misled, confused, lied to, and made to question your own truth and reality. You increasingly feel unsure about the accuracy of your own memories regarding certain events and your personal opinions and perceptions of the world. You may even begin to think that you are to blame for the toxic person’s actions, or that maybe something is very wrong with you, or worse, that you are losing your mind.
When A Psychic Tells You The Unwelcome Truth
A psychic who works with integrity conveys to her clients the truth of what she receives from spirit. These messages do not always meet the expectations of what a client may want to hear, but it will always be what they need to hear.
For example, if you have been clinging to a toxic relationship or remain stuck in a dead-end job, your psychic most likely will receive information from spirit to advise you to move on. God, Source, Spirit, the Divine knows what is best for our highest good, even when we choose to believe the opposite and remain in denial.
One of the most important lessons I have learned over the years as a professional psychic, is to always trust whatever information or guidance I am given, even if it makes no sense to me personally and it is also not what the client is hoping to hear.
Ethical psychics and mediums never tell someone what they want to hear simply to appease them. Sugar-coating the truth does not serve the client’s highest good in the long run. Instead, it just prolongs their unhappiness and misery.
Several years ago, I did a series of readings for someone who was madly in love with someone that she had moved across the country to be near. She had placed her entire life on hold, gave up many good things in her life, and relocated…even though he was married. He had told her how much he loved her, made many promises, and confirmed repeatedly that he wanted to be with her. He even encouraged her to give up everything and move closer to him, for them to be together.
