The Dealbreakers And Dealmakers Of Dating

Dating has changed a lot in recent years, especially with the advent of social media and dating apps. But one thing that has not changed is that most people still want to meet someone special to share their lives with.

I had to venture back into the dating scene myself after my husband passed away several years ago. At first, I had absolutely no interest in meeting someone new, but after a long period of grieving, healing, and self-reflection, I finally realized that I did not want or need to be alone for the rest of my life.

I remember so many people giving me dating and relationship advice after I became a widow. They particularly advised me not to remarry, especially at my age. “Trust me, you don’t need the headaches and drama,” they all said. “You’ll never find someone as good as him,” one predicted. “It’s a toxic war zone out there,” lamented another. Relatives, friends, and even neighbors all had something negative or skeptical to say.

While I appreciated everyone’s concern and well-meant intentions at the time, I decided to stay true to myself and trust my inner guidance. You see, I already knew something they did not.
Spirit revealed to me toward the end of my grieving period that I would eventually meet someone new, but that I would have to take the necessary steps to make it happen. My future partner was not going to miraculously show up at my door. I had to put myself out there to meet him.

This revelation first came to me during my daily meditation, and was then confirmed in a reading I had with a fellow psychic. Soon after, I had a vivid visitation dream in which my dearly departed husband came to assure me that he wanted me to move on and find someone new to share my life with. “I will help you find the right person,” he said and smiled.

Dating is different when you get older. You’re not as trusting, or as eager to get back out there and expose yourself to someone ~ Toni Braxton

Spirit was, however, not much help with the practical aspects of modern online dating, but fortunately I have a close, supportive friend who gave me some tips. I have to admit, I was surprised and even a little shocked by some of what she told me. But I knew I had spirit’s support and guidance, so I decided to at least dip a toe in the dating pool. As scary as it was, I did not take it too seriously at first. I was just testing the waters to see how it went.

It took me a while to unlock the secrets of digital dating, but I eventually got the hang of it. The most important thing I discovered early on is the need to know what kind of partner and relationship you are looking for. With so many dating platforms and potential partners available, it is easy to get lost, confused or distracted. The key is to have clarity and to be true to yourself. If you don’t know what you want, you don’t know what to look for and what to ask for. And people who do not ask for what they want rarely get what they want.

Knowing what you want and need in a relationship makes it so much easier to navigate today’s dating maze. I am a firm believer in sticking to your dealbreakers, being clear about your dealmakers, and not straying from them.

Dealbreakers and dealmakers, you ask? Yes, indeed. Setting clear intentions is an important aspect of successful dating, rather than just carelessly putting yourself out there without clear expectations and boundaries. Both our dealbreakers and dealmakers define who we are as a person, including our beliefs, values, standards, hopes and dreams. They are the keys to finding and building a happy, healthy relationship.

Dating is about finding out who you are and who others are. If you show up in a masquerade outfit, neither is going to happen ~ Henry Cloud

When I started dating again, I first carefully considered my list of dealbreakers and dealmakers. My number one dealmaker was that I wanted marriage. I had a great marriage with my late husband, and even though everyone around me said I would never have that again with anyone else, I knew it was what I really wanted, and I also knew I had spirit’s blessing and support.

When I felt ready, I joined an online dating site that seemed to work for some of my clients, where there are people my age looking for the same thing. I approached online dating with honesty and authenticity. No pretense, no lies, no smoke and mirrors. I was honest about my age, used only recent photos, and posted a truthful bio. I made sure that every man I contacted knew that I wanted marriage, so there was never any confusion or need for manipulation. Over the years, I have seen too many of my friends and clients get hurt or waste time because of dishonesty and deception.

I also metaphysically supported my dating efforts with my daily spiritual practice of prayer, affirmations, and visualized meditation. Spirituality is another key aspect of dating success that is too often ignored and neglected by most people, to their own detriment. No wonder so many daters lose their way and find themselves in disappointing, dysfunctional, and even dangerous situations.

I met some really nice people on the dating site, but they were never my person. I also took breaks from dating at times to give myself time to regroup. I even ended up having a boyfriend for about a year, but eventually we decided to break up. As you get to know someone and spend more time with them, you discover who they really are, and sometimes they are not who you thought they were at first. So I moved on. I have no problem moving on because I really do not want to pursue a potentially unhealthy, unfulfilling relationship with the wrong person.

Internet dating is the fastest, most efficient way to gather a pool of qualified candidates. It could take you a lifetime to do the investigation that the computer comes up within seconds ~ Judsen Culbreth

Then suddenly one day, when I least expected it…there he was! My guy. The one I was looking for. The one who could offer me everything I wanted and needed in my life. The one who met all my dealmakers. And the best part was, I knew right away that he was the one. There he finally was, right in front of me.

I am happy to report that we are now happily married. It is a slightly different relationship compared to my previous marriage, but it is perfect for me at this time in my life.

Dating can be scary, especially for the mature person who has not been dating for many years. It is always a little intimidating when dealing with new technology, while having to make ourselves vulnerable and put ourselves out there. But if you take your time, figure out what you want, stay true to yourself, and move forward with the support of spirit, you will find the love you need and deserve. All you need is a little bit of courage and a lot of faith.