regrets
Forgiveness Is Choosing To Take Back Your Power
Ah, forgiveness! Such a misunderstood concept. For many people, forgiveness, as noble as it may sound, is very difficult, even impossible.
Sometimes certain wrongs are so grave to us that the offender doesn’t deserve forgiveness in our eyes. There is also a misconception that forgiving someone is tantamount to excusing or justifying their terrible actions. But forgiveness is not about absolving someone of responsibility. Instead, it is a powerful, personal act of release and healing.
When we forgive someone, whether they’ve hurt us emotionally, betrayed our trust, or even caused us physical harm, we’re not letting them off the hook.
We are not condoning their actions or giving them permission to repeat those offenses. Rather, we are choosing to free ourselves from the weight of resentment, pain, and bitterness that binds us to them and their past actions.
Forgiveness is a gift we give ourselves. It allows us to move forward without the burden of past grievances and with an open heart, free of resentment.
By forgiving, we determine for ourselves that the transgressor’s actions and the memory of their misdeeds will no longer hold us hostage or march with us into the future.
While we may not be responsible for what happened to us in the past, we are responsible for how we choose to carry the memory of it into the future. This is the power of forgiveness: it gives us the strength to embrace our present reality with clarity, compassion, and freedom. It also transforms our future, for it is ultimately a karmic choice that will shape our destiny in ways we will only understand much later in this life and beyond.
Praying For Your Departed Loved Ones
A client recently asked me if there is any benefit to praying for a loved one who has passed away? Does it make a difference in their transition to their new plane of existence? Can it somehow assist them in their continued existence in the afterlife? Can they even hear us?
We can absolutely connect with the spirits of those who have passed on, although it may sometimes feelas if they cannot hear us. Whether we are praying for them, talking to them, or simply grieving for them, we are connecting with them on a spiritual level and they are hearing us.
In fact, praying for our deceased loved ones has a very positive effect on their soul journey and they deeply appreciate it.
Some people believe that when we die, we go to some blissful realm of perfect existence where all our problems and karmic debts are instantly resolved, or left behind on the earth plane for others to deal with or pick up the pieces. Nothing could be further from the truth.
Most of us will pass away someday with some unresolved issues, negative feelings, resentments, grudges, or regrets that we will need to continue to work on in the afterlife. Of course, some of us will have much more to work on than others. Just because we leave this physical world does not mean that we are free of all our responsibilities and no longer accountable for anything or anyone.
It is therefore helpful to send our prayers to departed loved ones to help them with whatever spiritual or karmic “baggage” they may be taking along with them on their journey to the other side. Although they may leave behind symptoms of illness or financial debt, for example, their spiritual ailments will still need to be healed.
Transform Your Life With Sustainable Resolutions
Every new year, I hear my clients complain about what they hope to change about themselves, what they want to change about themselves, or what they should be changing about themselves.
I then ask them why they are not claiming their power to change right now?
You do not have to wait until the New Year or some other major life event to make a change in your life. Once you’ve decided on a new path or course of action, the key is to stick with it for the long haul, taking small steps every day.
The Japanese call this kaizen, a philosophical concept that emphasizes continuous improvement, often in small increments. The idea is that by making consistent progress, even if it is just a little bit each day, you can eventually achieve significant results.
Sustainability should be the ultimate goal of whatever you decide to change in your life. While New Year’s resolutions are all noble and lofty, you have to acknowledge the inherent resistances and blockages you carry within and agree to be patient with yourself in order to ultimately get there.
I’m still working on some New Year’s resolutions I made in 2016. Do I look back in horror and say, “Why is it taking so long?” or “I really should be doing better!” Sometimes, yes! Do I use that as an excuse to backslide, fall off the wagon, or throw in the towel? Not at all, mostly because I’ve come to realize that if I hadn’t decided years ago to make those resolutions to make powerful changes in my life, I’d still be where I was, or worse. I’d be living a life of regret, not progress.
Finding Your Joy In A Fast-Paced World
Finding happiness, joy and inner peace can be challenging in today’s fast-paced, ever-changing world. The constant influx of new information and misinformation, societal pressures, and the rapid evolution of technology can leave us feeling overwhelmed and disconnected.
But amidst the chaos, there is actually a proven way to cultivate a more joyful state of being that transcends these external circumstances. It is no secret that cultivating some form of spiritual practice can greatly transform your life.
One powerful way to invite more joy into your life is through a gratitude practice. Take a little time each day to reflect on the positive aspects of your life and acknowledge the many blessings you enjoy. This essential spiritual practice will shift your focus from what may be lacking in your life to the true abundance available to you, fostering a much more positive mindset and attracting more prosperity and well-being into your life.
The great country-western singer Willie Nelson once said, “When I started counting my blessings, my whole life turned around. He is not the only public figure to attribute at least part of his success and fulfillment to an attitude of gratitude. For example, Cathy Hutchison writes that many wealthy people have a gratitude practice, including Oprah Winfrey, Tony Robbins, Cindy Crawford, and Chris Pratt.
Comparison Poisons The Heart, Mind And Soul
When we are going through difficult times, we tend to compare our struggles and suffering to the lives of others and measure ourselves by their perceived happiness, joy and success.
We often do this these days by comparing our own lives to what others post on social media. Then we judge and mentally torture ourselves for not living up to other people’s highlight reels of happiness and good fortune.
Sure, it is sometimes beneficial to self-reflect and strive for more based on the examples of others who serve as our role models. However, when we indiscriminately compare our own life journey to everyone else’s, we end up diminishing our own uniqueness and value.
While social comparison can motivate us to improve and grow, it can also lead to toxic self-judgment, envy, resentment, and extreme unhappiness. Constantly focusing on the highlights of other people’s lives quickly becomes toxic and self-destructive.
However, this tendency is not a character flaw in some of us. In fact, it is a natural evolutionary instinct that we all have. Our ancestors survived by living in social groups. Our tendency to compare ourselves to others is therefore a very common human trait, rooted in our evolution as a species.
The Empowering Wisdom Of Forgiveness
Although I consider myself a very spiritual person, forgiveness has not always been one of my strengths. In fact, I used to struggle with forgiving those who had hurt or wronged me.
Fortunately, as I matured in my spiritual evolution, I eventually realized that by not letting go of negative events and experiences in my past, I was only being haunted and held captive by them, which was not serving my highest good.
For several years, I was stuck in a downward cycle of replaying certain past events in my mind, reliving every excruciating detail and allowing the past to negatively influence the present and my future. Over time, it became clear that this issue was holding me back in more ways than I could have imagined.
To find some answers, I decided to shift the focus of my spiritual practice for a few months to consult my guides on this issue. During this time, spirit guided me as follows.
Letting Go
To truly forgive, we must let go of the past. There is no true forgiveness if we still somehow hold on to the smallest regret or resentment. Forgiveness is all, or nothing. There are no half measures or gray areas.
Forgiveness is more than just an emotional healing process, it is also an empowering metaphysical practice. If we do not release something completely, we continue to hold some level of negative energy that continues to affect our current vibration, which diminishes our quality of life and negatively affects our future happiness.
The Ghosts Of Regret
As part of my training as a spiritual life coach, our class was asked to do a profound exercise. Our task was to imagine ourselves on our deathbed someday, being visited by a gathering of ghosts. We had to imagine these ‘ghosts’ from our past as being very bitter and angry, because they represented all the things we never achieved or succeeded in, coming back to haunt us. They were the ghosts of our unfulfilled goals and dreams returning to die along with us.
We were asked to then review our life and imagine what we would say to ourselves and our ‘ghosts,’ now that our life is over. What would we advise ourselves to do if we could go back in time, get a second chance, and somehow live our life anew?
For me, this was a very thought-provoking process. The first thought for me was my personal ‘bucket list’ of things I still want to experience in this lifetime. For example, I still want to travel on the Orient Express train with my family; see the view from The Shard (a 72-storey skyscraper in London); fly down The Grand Canyon; and witness the splendor of Niagara Falls.
There are many things I still hope to also do. But why have I not done at least some of it yet? Too busy earning a living? Yes, we all get busy, and most of us need to work. However, does this mean we cannot also lead a fuller life?
The next thought the deathbed exercise brought up for me was a sad memory from a few years ago, when my late brother was receiving rehabilitation treatment at a local hospital. We were very close as siblings. He confided in me one day, while we sat looking out the hospital window and saw a young family walking by, that he often feels intense regret and sadness when he sees people with their kids and grandkids, while he had no offspring of his own.