self-respect
The Self-Affirming Power Of Saying No
Are you the kind of person who has a hard time saying “no,” even when your heart isn’t in it?
Maybe you’re afraid of disappointing others, afraid they’ll distance themselves, or afraid they’ll stop liking you if you say no. Maybe your introverted side just wants to be liked and accepted by everyone, so you agree to things – even if it drains you.
I’ve experienced this myself and seen it happen to many people who come to me and ask, “How can I say no without feeling guilty?” or “If I don’t say yes, will I lose my connection with this person?
Saying “yes” out of fear, guilt, or obligation may be the easy way out in many situations, but it usually comes at a high cost to your personal and spiritual well-being.
Let’s acknowledge something important: You are enough just the way you are, and you are worthy of peace, joy and happiness. If someone truly values you, they’ll respect your boundaries, even if it means saying “no” once in a while.
On the other hand, if people cut you off because you set boundaries, they may not have been the healthiest presence in your life to begin with. True friends and meaningful relationships will respect your choices and understand your reasons without demanding constant explanations.
Over time, I’ve seen the toll that over-commitment takes. People who constantly say “yes” often end up feeling drained, overwhelmed, or even resentful. Some develop physical and mental health problems because they feel trapped by the constant need to please others. In some cases, burnout and depression set in, all because saying no felt like an impossible task.
Embrace Who You Are And Shine Your Light!
We all come to this planet with our own unique gifts. Just as no one on this planet has the same fingerprint as you, no one has your unique personality, talents and life purpose. Sure, some of us may look alike, but our soul essence and life purpose is completely unique from one person to the next.
And in a world that often emphasizes conformity and sameness, it’s also important to remember this spiritual truth: Your uniqueness is not a quirk; it’s your superpower!
I often feel sad when I see young people on social media copying each other or trying to be just like everyone else. Of course, they want to fit in and be accepted, and they fear being rejected by their peers. Unfortunately, this struggle is not limited to the younger generation. It seems that many adults are also caught up in the senseless hamster wheel of imitation and keeping up with the Joneses.
I once asked a girl who was imitating her friend why she wanted to be a copy of someone else. I reminded her, “You are gifted and a very talented artist. At first she was taken aback, but after a few moments I felt a spark of understanding in her. Then she looked at me and said, “Oh my God, you’re so right!” She, like so many others, needed a reminder of her inherent worth and unique individuality.
Each of us comes to this planet to share our special light in our own unique way. If more children were told from a young age how special they are and had their gifts nurtured by their parents and teachers, perhaps we would live in a much safer, happier and more compassionate world. Instead, I see so many folks yearning to fit in rather than embracing their individual paths and personal gifts.
The Essential Spiritual Practice Of Self-Love
The first person each of us is meant to love is ourselves. But somewhere along the way, many of us forget or overlook this essential form of love.
In a world that tends to reward judgment and criticism while valuing perfectionism and material success, many of us become estranged from our own worth and divine essence by falling into these societal patterns of self-judgment and negativity.
To make matters worse, what most people caught in this web of self-criticism do not realize is that unconditional self-love is the very foundation of our soul journey in this lifetime. In fact, it is the essential spiritual practice for a more joyful, deeply meaningful existence and a cornerstone of our spiritual evolution.
We often find ourselves caught up in self-doubt, judgment, and the pursuit of external validation. These patterns hinder our connection to our true essence and limit our ability to radiate divine love and compassion. Embracing unconditional self-love frees us from these limitations and allows us to step into our authentic power.
This journey begins with self-awareness and compassion. By observing our thoughts and feelings without judgment, we can identify the limiting beliefs and negative self-talk that have shaped our perception of ourselves. With gentle understanding, we can release these self-imposed chains and replace them with affirmations of self-worth and acceptance. When we practice self-compassion, we create a safe space for ourselves to heal and grow, embracing our imperfections as part of our unique journey.
Never Confide In The ‘Empathy Impaired’
I recently did a reading for a client who asked me a question that I had never been asked before. Even though it was my first time working with her, her question made me ask myself the same question about my own life.
Her question was simple: Who can I confide in? Who can I trust? We then worked through her short list of significant people in her life and I shared what I felt about each of them with the guidance of spirit.
I immediately felt that two particular people were not the kind of people you would want to trust completely, much less confide in.
The first clear indicator was inconsistency in their words and actions. If someone frequently says one thing and does another, it suggests a lack of reliability and sincerity.
Another red flag that immediately came up was gossiping or speaking negatively about others behind their backs, as this behavior demonstrates a lack of confidentiality and respect.
But I always want to make sure that what I am psychically sensing is accurate before I reveal this kind of information. So, I asked her for her date of birth, along with the first names and dates of some of the people she wasn’t so sure about. Sure enough, she confirmed what I had initially seen.
Psychics and mediums often use “soul identity details” such as birth dates, photos, names, or even personal items like clothing or jewelry to enhance the connection with a particular person’s energy or spirit. I think of it as looking into someone’s “soul footprints.” This enhances the psychic connection process in several ways:
Grieving The Loss Of Loved Ones With Grace
Few of us have not experienced the loss of a loved one, a parent, a partner or even a child. Most of us have also witnessed or experienced the many ways in which people try to cope with such an insurmountable loss.
Coping with the huge gaping hole that such a loss leaves in our lives can have a negative impact on people’s behaviour. Some turn to extremes: alcohol, drug abuse, overeating, prescription drugs, or any of the other things people use to numb their pain and deflect the overwhelming feelings associated with loss and grief.
What we ultimately learn is that there is no set time frame in which such profound pain can be dealt with. It can take weeks, months, years or even decades for some. But even when the worst is over, we never really get over the sense of loss. We simply learn to cope and get on with our lives, forever changed, as best we can.
However, the greatest tribute we can pay the loved ones we have lost is to grieve with grace and dignity. Abusing substances or indulging in other distractions may temporarily numb our pain, but how does that honour the memory of the one we professed to care so much about? It also does not allow us to confront and process our emotions in a healthy and constructive manner. Grieving is natural and necessary. When we try to avoid our grief, we miss out on opportunities for personal growth, self-reflection, and ultimately finding peace with the loss.
When It’s Time To Draw The Line!
There comes a time when you need to draw a line and walk away from people who constantly disrespect, criticize, or belittle you.
Even if you can’t walk away completely because you’re related, you need to at least set some clear boundaries and keep them at arm’s length.
But in some cases, it is best to have no contact at all with toxic relatives.
The great spiritual teachers have all taught us the same golden rule.
Jesus said, “In all things do to others as you would have them do to you, for this is the sum total of the Law and the Prophets.”
Buddha said, “Do not harm others in a way that you would not harm yourself.”
Muhammad said, “None of you truly believes until he wishes for his brother what he wishes for himself.”
Krishna said, “This is the sum total of duty: do not do to others what would cause pain if done to yourself.”
Well, the same is true in reverse. You are a child of the Divine. You were created in the image of God. You are a spiritual being in human form. No one has the right to treat you any way they would not want to be treated themselves.
Learning To Honor My Higher Self
Have you ever had a conversation with someone that made you feel very uncomfortable, upset, even angry, to the point where you could feel their negative, toxic energy attaching to you? I certainly have, more times than I care to remember.
This feeling of extreme discomfort is usually a clear sign that the interaction you are having with this person is going against your higher self. Yet, even though we are aware of this on some level, we often fail to do what is right for our highest good and instead continue to interact with the energy thief in question to our own detriment.
Truth be told, I have been guilty of this myself many times. Only to face the aftermath of unhappiness and disappointment for not honoring my higher self.
I have recently become increasingly aware of this personal failing and have been actively working to identify my motives for putting and keeping myself in these situations.
I have come so far in my quest for increased self-awareness and spiritual growth that I am willing to explore and deal with the deepest corners of my soul-self. True enlightenment is not only about our brightest achievements, but also about our darkest inner shadows.