grief
Healing From A Relationship Break-Up
Breaking up with someone can be one of the most difficult experiences in life, especially when it is a long and deeply meaningful relationship. It can feel impossible to see any future without that person and very difficult to move on and find joy in life again.
I find many of my clients do not realize that dealing with a break-up or divorce is very similar to processing the bereavement and grief associated with the passing of a loved one. It is often accompanied by agonizing sorrow, intense feelings of despair, and an all-encompassing sense of loss and confusion.
According to clinical psychologist Dr. Tricia Wolanin it is actually “the death of a relationship, hopes and dreams for the future. The person we are losing was a big part of our world and therefore has taken up so much of our mental and heart space.”
It is however possible to recover, heal and move on after any breakup or divorce. In my work I have found the following strategies to be helpful for clients who go through this kind of life challenge.
Avoid Major Life Decisions
It is usually not a good idea to make any important life decisions if you are working through the aftermath of a breakup. This includes changing your job or career, relocating, or making other drastic changes to your life. It is vital to take some time to heal and reflect on the situation before making hasty life-changing decisions that you may later live to regret.
When Angels Are Passing
When I was nine years old, British troops were deployed to Northern Ireland after violence had erupted in the streets and the local police were no longer able to cope. Johnny, a young man from our neighborhood, was one of those soldiers called up. He was about 20 years old and lived just down the road from us.
Sadly, after just two months in active service, Johnny suffered a fatal bullet wound. His passing shocked our community and understandably devastated his family. My mother and I visited his mom at the time to convey our condolences. I remember her telling my mother that at the very moment of Johnny’s passing, everything in their family home went deathly silent because, as he put it, “the angels were passing.”
Her profound words left a lasting impression on me. At first, I wondered if this meant that angels sometimes also carry bad omens or bring us tidings of misfortune? But my mom soon put my mind at ease and explained that it meant quite the opposite. Angels show up to comfort and carry us through difficult times, such as at funerals and untimely passings. They bring us a sense of peace and support when it is most needed. With sudden passings, the angels make their presence known, like they did with Johnny’s family, at the moment of the person’s passing.
Almost 50 years later, my dear mother was a nursing home and not in the best of health. I was very worried about her. One morning, I drove into town to take my mind off things. I soon noticed the car park and the streets were exceptionally quiet and empty for this the time of the day, and month. I remember briefly thinking to myself it’s as if ‘the angels are passing.’ Later, when I arrived home, my husband informed me that my mother had passed.
What If There Is No Tomorrow?
A sense of anguish sometimes strikes us while we are experiencing something good in our life. In the midst of the delightful feelings of happiness and joy, we grimly remind ourselves that we must enjoy it while it lasts, because all good things come to an end.
Yes, everything does come to an end, right up to our own passing from this world to the next. Yes…our inevitable death. Thinking about this can be sad and depressing, but it also not… if we choose otherwise.
There is an ancient philosophy of reflecting on one’s mortality known as memento mori, which in Latin means ‘remember death.’ This profound saying does not only serve to remind us of that our death is inevitable, but also invites us to think about death in a more meaningful way.
In Stoicism, a school of ancient Greek philosophy, memento mori was seen to be a thought process to attribute deeper meaning to life. The philosopher Epictetus famously said, “Keep death and exile before your eyes every day, with all that seems terrible – by doing this, you will never have a base thought, nor an excessive desire.”
Although the notion of memento mori seems at first scary, sad, or tragic, it is in truth a reminder that everything and everyone will eventually come to an end. The moment we sensibly embrace this universal truth, we become so much more aware of how precious every moment of our life is. And ideally it then inspires us to live more fully and intensely, without wasting any more time on trivial things and petty issues.
The Healing Energies Of Plant Spirits
Here in Latin America there is a rich tradition of herbalism and ceremonial, shamanic spiritual medicine. There has also been in recent times a global revival of plant medicine and natural healing practices, as well as a renewed interest in related indigenous wisdom traditions found in many cultures all over the world.
As a result of modern science, we have largely abandoned and forgotten the fountain of knowledge the aborigines had regarding healing and natural harmony. It took us several centuries to realize what we have lost and overlooked in the process.
Herbalism is however not only about natural medicine potentially having fewer side effects than modern pharmaceuticals. It is also about the innate energetic qualities we share with a particular plant. This approach to healin stems from a worldview that fully integrates man and nature.
In local tradition, near the Andes, the timing is just as important as the type of plant used for healing purposes. Depending on the season, or the phase of moon, for instance, the plant’s properties will vary, and its effectiveness less than optimal if used at the inappropriate time.
Both the healer and their patient’s attitude towards the plant itself is also an important factor in the healing process, as the respect and gratitude shown to the plant will determine its healing ability.
In shamanic herbalist practices it vital to understand that all entities are considered to have elemental energy, including plants and humans. This is the metaphysical premise of all plant medicine and magic. In fact, for the traditional herbalist all plants have spirits. And each one has specific faculties and properties at different levels or frequencies that can heal us in mind, body and soul.
How To Truly Let Them Go
When a relationship ends, we may find it very difficult to let go of the other person, especially when they have been the one who chose to leave. Friends and clients have often asked me this question. How do I forget him? How do I stop thinking about her? I have asked myself this a few times in my own life too.
My psychic observation has been that consciously trying to forget someone for whom we have strong feelings of love and affection will only serve to make it worse. ‘Forgetting’ someone we love is unnatural and goes against our grain. It only creates resistance that further increases tension and intensifies our pain.
So, it is usually better, but not easier, to channel or process our feelings of love and affection for another soul, in a more constructive, liberating way. This includes honoring the freedom of every soul’s path in relationship with God, Source, Spirit, the Divine.
It is essential to let our feelings flow, because emotions are energy in motion (e-motion). The energy will move through and in time lessen, like storm clouds passing through the sky, until the sun is visible to the eyes again.
Keeping the heart open is an important part of this process. The vision God gives me to describe this is of being in your home, going about your own life within it, with all your attention focused on the activities, surroundings, and experiences of the moment, and simply being present with what you have and what is, while the front door remains open in the background.
Never Allow Regret To Hold You Back
Recently, I attended a celebration of life gathering held in memory of a friend who died under tragic circumstances. He was an incredible energy healer, and also exquisitely crafted Native American flutes and drums. We had been friends for decades, but over the years we saw less and less of each other. The relationship between us was, however, a matter of ‘out of sight, out of mind.’
Our individual schedules were such that life eventually got in the way. There was however an unmistakable mutual respect and heart-centered connection between us facilitated by Spirit whenever we did meet. We would offer each other guidance, support, and fresh perspectives in those special moments.
My friend and his wife met about two decades ago at a spiritual event and eventually became an incredible spiritual team. Before they met, I remember his future wife asking me to swap readings with her.
“Sure, why not?” I said, although I was actually quite nervous and still new to doing readings on a ‘professional basis.’
When I read for her, the information that came through included various confirmations regarding her spiritual work, including her music, becoming an author, teaching, and her increased spirit connection. Last, but not least, there was also the indication of a potential romantic relationship, including a timeframe for approximately when this might unfold. Soon after, the two of them met. Over the years, it was great to see their relationship blossom and thrive. They truly became partners in life, love, and business.
When Will Your Loved Ones In Spirit Make Contact?
I recently attended my nearest spiritualism centre here in Spain. They don’t have formal Spiritualist churches here, but other venues are used for spiritualist services in various locations across the country. The services I attend are held at a large bakery owned by fellow expats who have passion for spiritualism and enjoy bringing believers together to connect with their loved ones on the Other Side.
At this particular service, a gifted medium from England took the platform. Her energy was serene and caring, and the loving energy among the large gathering was tangible.
Healing was first offered to those in need by a group of spiritual healers prior to the session. Distant healing was also sent to people and pets that could not attend. Their names were read from a list for the congregation to send healing energy. One could feel the unlimited abundance of love energy in the room!
The last time I felt such an intense energy vibration was at the end of a week-long course I attended at the Arthur Findlay College of Spiritualism and Psychic Sciences decades ago. All the inspired students and their mentors were gathered in the large hall for a farewell meditation. A large basket of flowers had been placed in the middle of the auditorium, and I literally saw it levitate a few of inches off the floor that night. The energy from the crowd and spirit’s presence in the room was that loving and powerful!
My father passed almost 17 years ago, but through the years I have had very little spirit communication from my father. Although we were quite close most of my life, and I had nursed him through his final months of terminal illness, he had become bitter and exceptionally domineering towards the end of his life.