grief
Our Totems And Spirit Animals
It is my belief that we all have animal spirit guides that guide and support us along our life journey.
Each spirit animal represents a different aspect of life. Some show up when we need their particular energy or receive their symbolic message, while others show up consistently throughout our lifetime. These animals, birds, mammals, reptiles, and even fish, are like our personal totems.
I have three main spirit totems: the eagle, the red tail hawk, and the owl. Each has shown up consistently in my life, especially when there is a time of adversity, grief, or crisis occurring.
I was made of aware of these three totems early in my life, when I consulted with an indigenous elder. He gave me my spiritual name: Soaring Free. I instantly loved my name. It represents the proud eagle that soars on high, the red tail hawk that soars in broad circles high in the air, and the owl that is wise and roams free.
The Eagle
After my parents passed away, I was cleaning their house. Not only was I grieving at the time, I was also very distraught, having to decide whether to sell their home or not. I was not at all sure if it would be the right thing to do.
Then, I asked my angels to give me a sign. Moments later, as I looked down towards the lake, there were two beautiful bald eagles sitting on the edge of a tree branch.
Our Deepest Wound Can Become Our Greatest Power
Mercury retrograde thankfully ends today! Astrologers predicted this retrograde would allow us the freedom to purify our lives by releasing people, circumstances, and behaviors that are holding us back or no longer serve us. It certainly kicked up a lot of old wounds and baggage for many of my clients, and also for myself.
This was probably due to a number of reasons, including Uranus and Venus both being retrograde at the same time, and the combination of Mercury retrograde occurring along with a Full Moon in Cancer on January 17th. Many people I did readings for during this astrological period were all dealing with painful memories, unhealed traumas, and intense emotions.
At one point I decided to take a break myself, to create some space and allow my own unresolved emotion to surface. Every time I found becoming unnecessarily defensive, or attempting to place blame on others, I immediately pivoted my attention back to myself and ventured within – to where the origination of this pain truly stemmed from.
I especially found my thoughts were constantly going to my parents and particularly to my mother. My maternal grandmother passed away when my mom was only 13 years old. This has been a recurring theme throughout my life, with me wondering if this had anything to do with my mom always being so hard on me? I, fact, it became the official ‘excuse’ for our difficult relationship.
My recent retrograde self-exploration made me realize that no matter how hard my brain might try to rationalize this old pain, my body still would not accept it. For the first time in all these years, I finally allowed myself to go inside this wound, to examine my inner truth. I had a conversation with this old wound and allowed it to speak to me directly.
Boldly Into The Future With Jupiter In Pisces 2022
It’s a new year and I feel the need to exhale and wipe the sweat off my forehead. We all made it through a very intense 2021. I know I’m not the only one to feel the sense of relief.
Astrologically speaking, Saturn square Uranus was no laughing matter in 2021. I personally know many people whose lives were shaken. We’ve all taken a hit from the pandemic, losing loved ones, jobs, and our emotional sense of security (Uranus in Taurus).
And then for a brief time, from May until July, Jupiter, the planet of hope, freedom, and happiness, dipped its big toes into the ocean of Pisces with many public health precautions lifted and optimism returning.
We nervously stepped out, albeit a bit ‘grungy’ looking. Fashion became comfy loungewear, the beards were left bushy, and women owned their greys. But we ventured out of our caves and life began to stir as the sun’s rays nourished our now socially awkward selves.
It was nice while it lasted.
Then Jupiter went back into Aquarius, once again cohabiting with the Scrooge of the planets, Saturn, and we went back into our cocoons, experiencing increasing shell shocks as Saturn and Uranus completed their final square dance right before Christmas. Polarizing politics, flights canceled, families torn asunder.
And many celebrity deaths in the news this past two years, including our beloved Betty White to close out 2021.
But, the first four months of this year we will once again feel the benevolent optimism, miracles and good fortune of Jupiter returning to Pisces shining its light in the world! Jupiter will do the same again at the end of October to finish out the year.
The Gift Of Kindness
I was thinking today of the many beautiful acts of kindness people have shown me since my husband passed away last year. And then, some song lyrics from the movie, The Sound of Music, came to mind:
Nothing comes from nothing
Nothing ever could
So somewhere in my youth or childhood
I must have done something good.
Yes, perhaps I did some good somewhere in my life, and now I am getting some of it back, tenfold, or more!
There was a period of time, after his sudden death, when it felt as if I was carried by the locals here in Spain. I was pretty much told what to do and not just offered help. For example, when I got the news of his passing from the policeman who answered his phone at the car crash scene, I immediately went on ‘autopilot’ and attempted to cancel a coffee date I had with one of my best friends. But she simply said, “I am coming, you aren’t going alone to the scene. I am going with you!” And then she saw to everything. I was unable to speak in any language at that point, and fortunately she took over.
Christmas and New Year followed, and again my friend told me, in no uncertain terms: you are going to be with me and my family during this period. I began finding reasons and excuses as to why I might not be able to get to their home, including a possibility of snow, which had us housebound for a few days a couple of years prior. But, they were having none of that. My friend’s husband said, “My tractor will reach you whatever the weather!”
Post-death paperwork is messy in a foreign country. Red tape and bureaucracy can be a nightmare in Spain, if there is no last will and testament! Once again, I was given months of unconditional help by friends and neighbors, as we went from one government department to another to sort out complications. Even the lawyers assisting with the car insurance policy, which went above and beyond their pro bono role in the arrangements. They would accept no further payment, but were delighted when I gifted them each some Doreen Virtue angel cards in Spanish.
De-Cluttering For Body, Mind & Spirit
For me the average household chore is only temporarily rewarding, because before you know it, the serenity which comes from the cleanliness and order you’ve just created is short lived. Dust and chaos return in a flash!
On the other hand, I find ‘de-cluttering’ much more rewarding, and more so knowing that a lot of ‘stuff’ not used in a while is either going to someone who can use it, or to help in raising funds for one of the animal charities I support.
More frequently these days, people are adopting a minimalist feng shui approach to furnishing their homes – and also in other areas of their lives – because somewhere deep down we all long for the space and lack of gadgets and stuff that our forefathers managed quite happily without.
Much has been brought to our TV screens these days in the way of reality shows about compulsive hoarding, bringing awareness about how the obsession of accumulating a vast amount of things is actually an emotional issue, rather than one of material usefulness.
Advances of modern civilization are generally limited to the material. So, our spiritual and mental progress hasn’t kept up with the material, hence people’s anguished stories, which I feel is accentuated because their spiritual development hasn’t kept up with their worldly achievements.
The benefit of clearing out that which no longer serves us helps in two major ways:
Clouds Of Love Over The Rainbow Bridge
Yesterday, at sunrise, I was driving my cat to the veterinarian’s consulting room. Approximately fifteen minutes into our journey, there was a beautiful rainbow ahead. With little traffic on the road at that early hour, I could ponder its splendor. Then, my thoughts drifted to the Rainbow Bridge and all my beloved pets that have crossed that bridge to the Other Side.
I thought of each one of the special furry souls that have graced my life with their presence over the years. I felt such a strong telepathic communication with each one of them in that moment. Finally, I thought of the little one who most recently passed, and the love and lessons we shared.
Then I ‘heard’…and what about me? At that very moment, I noticed two large cloud formations had formed in the sky that resembled the front and the back view of my little dog, Nel. The shape and detail of the clouds were exactly like her!
Nel was a special part of my life and her passing very traumatic, especially since she died so young. Was I meant to miss her in my thoughts so she could come through as such a beautiful vision? I may never know the answer to that, but I do know what I witnessed was profound and very real.
So much has been written about the Rainbow Bridge. Yesterday, it all seemed highly relevant, because the day before setting out to the vet, I had been arranging some memorabilia on new shelves in my home that showcase pictures of all my pets who crossed over rainbow bridge. It is on display with some trinkets that remind me of them, like name tags and pretty boxes with their ashes I had not yet sprinkled.
Learning To Check In With Spirit
It is likely you have a friend, co-worker or relative that is in an unhealthy or even abusive relationship. We all know people who are kind, sweet, giving, and thoughtful, who become involved with emotionally absent, dysfunctional, abusive partners.
I know someone who is currently in such a situation. Her loving nature and generosity far exceeds anything I have ever experienced in another person, and I count myself exceptionally lucky to have her as my friend.
We have known each other for many years, but have only recently developed a much closer relationship, because we have both experienced a deep loss in recent years. Grief and bereavement becomes somewhat more tolerable if one has a close friendship in which you can safely express and share your sorrow.
Judging by my friend’s gentle, kind nature one might expect she would be with a life partner who has similar traits and appreciates her, but shockingly she is in one of the most toxic relationships I have ever encountered. She is not being physically assaulted, but she is subjected to unbearable verbal and emotional abuse.
It has been going on for a very long time. I continue to offer her my unconditional love and support but feel at a loss beyond that. I have asked her why she is still in that situation with so very little to indicate there will ever be any miraculous changes? But she has always evaded these questions.
Recently, she finally confessed her reason for staying with him: she is worried about what people might think and say if she leaves him! I asked her what people? She replied, her friends and family. They might find fault with her for breaking up the family.