self-forgiveness
The Spiritual Wisdom Of Letting Go
I sometimes do readings for clients who feel they have to control absolutely everything in their lives. They are rarely calm, rarely happy, always frazzled. There’s a constant tension around them, a palpable anxiety, as if they’re always one step away from a meltdown, or even a complete breakdown.
Many of us have experienced this feeling or seen it in others – the compulsion to control every outcome, every detail, believing that by sheer force of will we can make life bend to our wishes.
But here’s the thing: life has a way of moving on its own, whether we like it or not. And often, the more we try to grasp and hold on, the more things slip out of our control.
A song that often comes to mind when I think about this is the song Let It Be by the Beatles. Let it be, let it be. There will be an answer, let it be. This timeless classic is a simple yet powerful reminder of the peace that can come from stopping to resist and simply allowing things to unfold as they are meant to.
Letting go is not about giving up; it’s about trusting that life has a rhythm, a universal flow, and when we align ourselves with it, life becomes infinitely more peaceful and enjoyable.
In my work as a psychic consultant, I’ve found that those who feel the need to control every aspect of their lives often carry a heavy burden of stress. They struggle to find joy because they are too preoccupied with micromanaging every little detail. Life becomes a series of hurdles and challenges, and instead of going with the flow, they are constantly swimming against the current. It’s exhausting and soul-destroying.
Letting Go Of Guilt
We all like to be seen as good people, and it can be deeply unsettling when others perceive us otherwise. When we find ourselves in a disagreement with a dear friend or colleague and take the blame for something we’re not responsible for, it’s natural to feel unhappy.
Spirit teaches that while it’s important to own our actions and the roles we play in conflict, guilt only serves to amplify feelings of remorse. If we allow guilt to fester, we may begin to believe that we are “bad” people who do not deserve happiness and success.
This is far from the truth. We are human, and human beings have the ability to change. Our actions may not always be right, but that doesn’t mean we are inherently bad or deserving of punishment.
Making mistakes is part of being human, and sometimes we need to adjust our responses, especially in challenging situations, in order to grow and improve. Spirit suggests that this is a much healthier perspective.
However, taking this “healthy approach” is often easier said than done. We’ve grown up in a world where elders, peers, and society define what is good and bad – even when they’re not always right. This can lead us to judge ourselves harshly and feel unnecessary guilt.
Many traditional spiritual teachings emphasize the importance of forgiveness, both of oneself and of others. In Christianity, for example, the concept of repentance is central; believers are encouraged to confess their sins, seek divine forgiveness, and then release their guilt, trusting that God’s grace has absolved them.
The Unresolved Karmic Bonds Between Souls
Have you ever found yourself thinking about an old friend or flame that you haven’t spoken to in years, and they suddenly show up in your life in the most unexpected place? This often happens when we are still energetically connected to someone.
There are invisible energy cords that connect us to many different souls across dimensions and incarnations. These karmic connections are deep soul bonds that transcend time and space and span multiple lifetimes.
Those we love (or hate) – whether a partner or spouse, family members, friends – are all karmically connected to us.
Karmic connections aren’t easily severed. They also don’t simply disappear when we physically part ways in this world. These invisible cords keep us tied to those we’ve loved, lost, or even hurt—until we consciously choose to break free.
Karmic connections continue across lifetimes unless they are consciously severed and dissolved. But these energetic cords of attachment can be difficult to break. We may believe that a relationship is over on a logical level, but energetically the connection remains.
When betrayal or heartache occurs, an energy cord remains between the heart chakras of both individuals, often leading to a recurring cycle of pain and energy depletion due to these lingering connections.
Traumatic events, emotional or sexual attachments, promises, contracts and vows all create strong connections between souls. We often feel a sense of unfinished business when a promise or vow is broken or left unfulfilled.
The Spiritual Power Of Choosing To Forgive
Forgiveness is a much-discussed topic in spiritual circles. It is also often deeply misunderstood.
Forgiveness does not mean condoning wrongdoing or accepting abuse or cruelty. Instead, it involves choosing not to carry the darkness and negativity that has been inflicted upon you, and refusing to allow it to affect your well-being, either physically or emotionally.
While it’s ideal to find compassion for those who have wronged you, it’s not always possible. Understand that those who caused you harm are often suffering themselves.
Happy and fulfilled people are naturally kind, generous, and honest. In contrast, those consumed by self-loathing and misery tend to spread chaos and cruelty. Their relationships are full of conflict and dissatisfaction.
I once worked with a man who was clearly struggling with mental illness. Circumstances placed us in a business relationship that I initially tried to avoid, preferring to distance myself from unhealthy situations. However, I was compelled to help him because I was told that my true role was to support his children and providing help where it was needed most.
This unfortunate man is consumed by rage from his own traumatic past-abuse by his mother, mistreatment by her successive husbands, and conflict with his first ex-wife. His life is a testament to the destructive power of unresolved anger and lack of forgiveness. His toxic energy is rooted in past hurts and a cycle of inflicting pain on others.
Self-Charity Is Your Spiritual Responsibility
Charity truly begins at home. To be truly charitable to others, we must first be kind and generous to ourselves.
Whether we view “charity” as giving alms to the poor, showing kindness to strangers, or extending non-judgment in times of questionable behavior, it is imperative that we first take care of our own needs. Why? Because we cannot freely and easily give to others what we have not given to ourselves.
Our true nature as incarnated spirit beings is to be loving, kind, and giving. However, it is our spiritual duty to take care of ourselves first so that we can offer more to others and make a real difference in the world.
Self-charity, or prioritizing our own needs before helping others, involves several key components.
Self-awareness is critical, requiring regular self-reflection and mindfulness to stay in tune with our mental, emotional, and physical states. Prioritizing self-care through activities such as regular exercise, healthy eating, adequate sleep, and relaxation techniques such as meditation or yoga is essential.
Mindful time management helps balance work, rest, and play, ensuring we don’t overcommit and have enough downtime to recharge.
Emotional management is essential and includes healthy ways to process and express emotions, such as journaling, talking to a trusted friend or therapist, or engaging in creative activities. Setting boundaries, learning to say no, and protecting our time, energy, and resources help us manage our lives effectively. Seeking support when needed, whether from friends, family, or professionals, ensures that we don’t carry burdens alone.
Breaking The Pattern Of Relationship Trauma
Today I did two consecutive readings for clients who are obsessed with a relationship from a long time ago. They both wondered why the relationship ended and what could have been if things had gone differently.
In retrospect, there have been many similar calls recently. I have even had clients who have had vivid dreams and nightmares about a particular ex-love, lost friend or estranged family member.
In all cases, I find that Spirit consistently offers the same guidance. These haunted thoughts and obsessions are due to a lack of closure and unresolved trauma. Spirit has also indicated that there is a growing epidemic of loneliness in the world. Because of this, more and more people are dwelling on old relationships and their regrets.
This has even happened to me recently, with people from my past that I have not thought of or seen in years coming to mind more and more. It can be surprising and disconcerting to have such random memories pop up. Spirit gave me exactly the same wake-up call. These memories are a sign that there is a need for forgiveness and healing. It is essentially a form of delayed grief, when instead we should be having happy and fond memories of the people in our past.
I find it helps to remember that they, like me, were just doing the best they could with what they knew and had at the time. When someone has shown signs of unkindness or aggression, I have also come to realize that it was the result of their own hurts, losses, or disappointments.
Maybe It’s Time To Let Go Of The Baggage
Most people who make New Year’s resolutions don’t keep them. Every year we tell ourselves it’s time to move on, to change, to leave negative people and influences in the past, and yet we rarely follow through. We wonder if it is even possible to let go of the things that hold us back?
Yes, it certainly is!
The first step is to simply make the decision that it’s time to let go of all the old baggage in your life. To do this we must be completely honest about what’s really holding us back and why it’s so difficult to let go. This is sometimes best done with the help of a coach or mentor, such as a therapist, spiritual advisor or trusted friend, who will listen and guide you objectively.
Until we have a true understanding of all our baggage and our own part in it, it will never go away. We must also be gentle and accepting as we travel this path. The past can never be undone, but it can be learned from and it can help us move into a better future.
I’m sure you’ve heard the saying, “Insanity is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results each time.” It’s within our power to change negative thinking patterns and habits. Good habits take at least a month to wire into our brains. Start with affirmations, practice better self-care, and stop obsessing about things you can’t change or control. Over time, you’ll find yourself making better decisions that aren’t tainted by the past.