mourning
Making Peace With An End-Of-Life Decision For Your Pet
A few weeks ago I was faced with a very difficult decision. Although I have had to make this type of decision many times in my years of caring for pets, it never gets any easier. Not even knowing that it is in the best interest of the animal makes it any easier.
This time it was a very beloved rescue dog who, despite the neglect and abuse he had suffered for several years prior to his rescue, became the most loving pet I have ever had. Sadly, the time had come for him to leave this world…and for me to let him go.
Clients sometimes ask me if they will see their pets again on the other side when it’s their own time to cross over. From the messages and signs I’ve received from my own pets over the years, I not only believe this to be true, I know for a fact that we are reunited with the souls of our animals when we leave this earthly plane.
The bonds of loyalty and love that I have experienced throughout my life with my own pets, as well as other people’s animals in my care, have been profound. The loss of such a deep bond is always devastating for animal lovers. I know from both personal and professional experience that physical death can never break the bonds of love we have with our loved ones.
Coping With The Loss Of A Loved One
Many people I know, including myself and several of my clients, have experienced the loss of a child or grandchild.
Losing a grandparent or parent is heartbreaking, but losing a child is absolutely devastating! It is difficult to understand why someone so young is taken before they had a chance to live a full life.
A few years ago, I found some solace for my continuing grief from a very unexpected source.
I am an avid Nascar fan. If you don’t know what Nascar is, it is the National Association for Stock Car Auto Racing. Stock car racing is one of the largest spectator sports in America.
A few years ago I watched an interview with one of the masters of this sport, Richard Petty, also known as “The King.” His words struck a deep chord with me.
Richard Petty’s grandson, Adam Petty, was also a racer like his grandfather. He was only 19 when he died in an accident on May 12, 2000 while practicing the sport he loved so much. His car hit the outside wall of the track, killing him instantly.
In the interview I watched, his grandfather spoke of his depression, guilt, grief, and not wanting to get out of bed because he felt he was somehow to blame for encouraging his grandson to pursue this sport that cost him his young life.
Unconditional Love From The Rainbow Bridge
Sometimes pet owners connect with the souls of their animals on a very deep level. We love them so much that when they finally depart from this life the grief and sadness can be just as agonizing as losing a human loved one. This was the case recently for me when we lost our beloved family cat.
I had to finally make the difficult decision to release him from his pain and suffering. And thus our ‘little black panther,’ as we call him, departed this world to cross the Rainbow Bridge.
He had been suffering with a malignant tumor under his tongue. Bone cancer we were told. Earlier this year, I knew there was something more going on after a dental appointment to have an infected tooth removed. His little chin continued to swell up and the antibiotics were not working.
We did all we could. We made sure he had the best, soft food, and lots of love. The faucet in the tub was left slightly open to drip, so he could have water from his favorite place to get it fresh and cold.
On the day he was to be euthanized, the Moon was in Capricorn. A Capricorn Moon is a time of seriousness, when duty calls. It is a lunar influence that requires us to make difficult, yet responsible decisions, and to remain steadfast and determined in doing what we know is best and necessary.
Our little black panther seemed carefree and at peace. He had been lying next to me all night on a nearby bookshelf. It was a very sunny day and the breeze felt nice to him as he sat up and looked out the open window. He was free of pain, as we had been giving him medication to make him more comfortable.
Two of his brothers took turns sitting next to him. We took our time to say our final goodbyes. We also prayed and even put some holy water on him. Did everything we could. Cried lots of tears. It was very difficult. So awfully hard.
Then the time came for us to take our boy in to the clinic. He sensed it was time and seemed relieved. Even his brother, who was born in the same batch of kittens a minute before him, seemed to understand it was time, as snuck out the door hoping to come with us. We had to unlock the door and put him back inside. I telepathically explained to him that this brother loves him and so do we, but he could not go with us…we would be back shortly.
Letting Go Heals Our Silent Pain
Too often we are not aware of the emotional pain in others. We are blissfully ignorant of the invisible pain that they are suffering. This is the secret pain of grief, of tragedy and loss. It is often the silent pain that many of us carry inside, a pain we secretly endure every day.
Our grief and sorrow is something we hide from the world, because we tend to feel ashamed, embarrassed or guilty for not being ‘stronger.’ The fast-paced modern world we live in has little patience with those who need time to mourn and heal. Life goes on, they say.
Those who are grieving must get through their pain as best they can, often without having anyone to talk to or no one wo cares to understand. They must simply put on a happy face and get through the day.
Sometimes people are having a hard time processing a loss or disappointment because they do not want to let go. Why would anyone choose to hold on to the pain, you may ask? Well, there is sometimes a strange comfort found in a state of holding on. When our world feels upside down and the future seems uncertain, we tend to hold on to the familiarity of the past, of the life we once knew.
The energy of such an ongoing state of silent pain soon becomes an imbalance in the throat chakra and blocks our ability to heal. The throat chakra plays a very big part, because it is our energy center of truth, the seat of our power to communicate our free will and talk about our true feelings.
Suppressed mental and emotional pain in time manifests itself in our body in many debilitating ways, such as migraine headaches, stomach aches, physical discomfort and a variety of other symptoms and potential health problems. Only when the pain is addressed and processed, will it go away and will our well-being improve.
Now Is The Time To Celebrate Life!
The time has come to recognize how far we have come and celebrate the sheer joy and privilege to be alive. Although Covid-19 is still around, and I personally know several people who are just now recovering from the illness, we are in a much better position now than a year or two ago. We have a lot to be grateful for as we start to work our way towards the future.
So, let’s celebrate! While still taking appropriate precautions, it is wonderful to be able to go out again, eat in restaurants and shop inside stores. A feeling of lightness is everywhere these days, with people really appreciating the ability to get back to some semblance of normal.
I see people smiling and laughing again while they are out and about, doing their daily errands, meeting friends, and attending functions and events. It seems even strangers are friendlier and more open to positive conversation and a more optimistic outlook nowadays. What a welcome change!
It is particularly satisfying to focus on and reconnect in person with the people who are important in our lives and make us feel happy. This year Mother’s Day was especially meaningful for many of us. It is always a beautiful opportunity to showcase the love for our mothers, both those who are still with us in this life, as well as those in spirit.
However, spirit impresses on me that honoring our mothers should happen more consistently than just one day per year. Each May, many of us resolve to show our love and respect all year through. So, how are we doing so far? Are we still honoring our mothers long after her special day is over?
A quick call, some surprise flowers, a little gift for ‘no reason’ are all lovely gestures that don’t take a lot of time or money, but can mean the world to mom, or stepmom, grandma or other maternal role-models who have touched our lives.
Asking ‘Why’ When A Loved One Is Lost
When you lose someone you love in a sudden, unexpected way, such as suicide, a car accident, murder, or domestic violence, it always seems so unfair and tragic. It is usually so difficult to understand why this had to happen?
The truth is that we will never truly know the ‘why’ of things. The biggest regret that I hear from so many bereaved people is that they never had a chance to say goodbye.
Someone passing due to old age or illness usually affords us the time to prepare for the loss and to say our goodbyes. Typically, you will haves some time with the person, to be kinder, to be compassionate and to let them know how much they are loved. A sudden passing robs us of all of this.
I am personally very aware of the emotions, feelings and experiences that come after a loved one’s life is lost so suddenly and unexpectedly. More than a decade ago, I lost my stepson to suicide. He was only 32 years old. Within 2 days of this tragedy, a another local young man also took his life. He was only 22.
The widespread trauma of the pandemic over this past year has brought back many of these feelings for me. Many people I know, all men, have taken their own lives because they have lost their jobs, businesses or life partners. Some of these men were successful business owners, but the lockdowns triggered something inside of them that led them to think suicide was a better way, or the only way out.
I talk to an abuse counselor at least two to three times a month and we discuss the unavailability of abused women to get help, because the shelters that are there to protect them are usually full to capacity. I personally know two women whose lives were tragically ended by an abusive partner or ex-partner who they just could not get away from. You read about these cases almost every day. It makes zero sense if you try to find the logic in it.
And accidents happen in the blink of an eye. Yesterday, it was two locals snowmobiling in our area, who hit each other head on. One passed instantly, the other suffered only minor injuries. The week before it was a tractor trailer hitting a car that pulled out in front of it. The truck driver is fine, but the car and passenger is no longer with us. Continue reading
Healing The Pain Of Losing Your Beloved
Understanding the true nature of our soul journey, how does one cope with the pain of physical separation when our loved ones leave the physical form? There is no easy way to cope with the grief of separation from a beloved. It opens the water ways of deep emotion that rise and fall like the waves on the sea.
Even in the super-excellent times of Radha and Krishna, the supreme divine feminine and masculine described in the ancient spiritual texts of Srimad-Bhagavatam, waves of love in separation were displayed and described to the ultimate pure degree. These transcendental writings identifies the eternal realm of divine love as the original clear source of all that we experience here in a dimly reflected form, including the pain of being parted from the physical presence of a dear soulmate.
So, what can we learn from this source that we can mirror in undergoing this heart aching distress in our own lives?
The first lesson we can take away from the transcendental example is that pain in separation is a gift of love. It arises in direct proportion to the depth of the soul-to-soul connection shared between two people. Thus, every pang, however painful, is like an ornament decorating the heart with the truth of that blessed union. It embodies a reminder not only of the person, but of the great treasure we were fortunate to hold in our arms…and still in our hearts. It invites us to feel grateful for the rare opportunity we had received to experience such deep love in this world. Continue reading