Coping With The Loss Of A Loved One

Many people I know, including myself and several of my clients, have experienced the loss of a child or grandchild.

Losing a grandparent or parent is heartbreaking, but losing a child is absolutely devastating! It is difficult to understand why someone so young is taken before they had a chance to live a full life.

A few years ago, I found some solace for my continuing grief from a very unexpected source.

I am an avid Nascar fan. If you don’t know what Nascar is, it is the National Association for Stock Car Auto Racing. Stock car racing is one of the largest spectator sports in America.

A few years ago I watched an interview with one of the masters of this sport, Richard Petty, also known as “The King.” His words struck a deep chord with me.

Richard Petty’s grandson, Adam Petty, was also a racer like his grandfather. He was only 19 when he died in an accident on May 12, 2000 while practicing the sport he loved so much. His car hit the outside wall of the track, killing him instantly.

In the interview I watched, his grandfather spoke of his depression, guilt, grief, and not wanting to get out of bed because he felt he was somehow to blame for encouraging his grandson to pursue this sport that cost him his young life.

They live forever in your broken heart that doesn’t seal back up. And you come through. It’s like having a broken leg that never heals perfectly – that still hurts when the weather gets cold, but you learn to dance with the limp ~ Anne Lamott

What touched me the most was that he shared the wise words that a good friend had said to him. Apparently, it helped him get out of the funk he was in and move forward. The friend said:

Don’t put a question mark where God put a period.

This simple statement really changed things for me. It reminded me that it is not up to us to always understand the “why” of tragically losing a loved one. However, it is up to us to find the meaning or the blessing that comes with it.

Now, you may be thinking: Meaning? Blessing? Seriously? How on God’s good earth can one find meaning or blessing in such a terrible loss? While I cannot speak for others, I can speak for myself. And here is what I learned.

I turned to Spirit and asked, “What should I learn from this loss? I sat in silence for a while. Then I asked, “What steps should I take to move forward so that this loss is not in vain? I know there must be a reason or deeper meaning, even if I do not understand it at this time.”

Then I waited patiently, listening over time to what I perceived from Spirit.

I have lost more than one child in my life to miscarriage and stillbirth. It is a grief that can last a lifetime, unless I choose to find the path I am to take to move forward for the highest good of myself and also my children in spirit. I also lost a stepson to suicide. He was a father of two little boys (my grandchildren). Again, how can I honor him?

In time, Spirit showed me that there was at least one blessing that resulted from my stepson’s passing. Some time after his death, his widow (my daughter-in-law), her father, and my two grandchildren were driving from Ontario, Canada to Disney in Florida. Their van suddenly broke down on the road. They could find absolutely nothing wrong with the vehicle.

We do not have to rely on memories to recapture the spirit of those we have loved and lost – they live within our souls in some perfect sanctuary which even death cannot destroy ~ Nan Witcomb

Then, about ½ hour later, the van’s engine miraculously restarted as if there had never been a problem! They later found out that just up the road from where they had broken down, there had been a massive accident with fatalities. It happened almost at the same time the van gave up on them.

Someone was watching over them. I know, and my daughter-in-law knows, that it was my stepson who stepped in that day to protect them all.

More strange things have continued to happen to his family for the past 16 years. My grandchildren were toddlers at the time of his death. The boys were so young when their father died that they did not remember a lot about him. One night my daughter-in-law woke up in the middle of the night and heard her youngest son laughing and talking. She thought the older son had wandered into the younger son’s bedroom and that they were playing.

When she went to check, she found the oldest son asleep in his bedroom. She then went to the youngest and asked who he was talking to. He pointed to the corner near the ceiling and said clearly, “Daddy.”

A similar visitation occurred about a week later with his older brother. Children are generally much more spiritually aware than most adults.

In our house we have a touch lamp that my stepson gave to my husband for Father’s Day. After he passed away, this lamp would suddenly just turn on by itself and then glow brighter and brighter and then turn off. Then it would start all over again, until we acknowledged my stepson’s presence. This did not bother me too much because of my line of work, but it was a bit unnerving for his father at first!

The next time you suffer the loss of a loved one, no matter who it is, look to Spirit for guidance and support. Don’t shout at the heavens in anger. Don’t shake your fist at God and ask why. Look to Spirit for the next steps in the healing of your grief. Spirit knows, God knows, your soul will know if you allow it.

The reality is that you will grieve forever. You will not ‘get over’ the loss of a loved one; you’ll learn to live with it. You will heal and you will rebuild yourself around the loss you have suffered. You will be whole again but you will never be the same ~ Elisabeth Kübler-Ross

Death is inevitable for all of us. And the timing will never be acceptable to the loved ones we leave behind. Know that whoever you have lost is still there with you. Sometimes you will sense them or feel them in your space. You may even see them. Sometimes you will swear that you felt them sitting on your bed or standing over you as you slept.  It is not your imagination. Spirit visits and signs are real. Spirit wants to comfort you in the best way possible. They will also come to you in your dreams if you ask them to. Just trust and allow. You need do nothing more.

Our loved ones in spirit do not want us to grieve a lifetime. Take as much time as you need to grieve, but in time find ways to let go of anything that might keep you stuck in delayed grief, especially feelings of anger, bitterness, and resentment.

Move forward knowing that God puts a period behind events for a reason, and when the time is right, the answer will be shown to you. The answer you seek may not come immediately; in fact, it may take years to get to the next step, but if you persevere and believe in your Higher Source, it will come.

Dealing With Delayed Grief

If you are struggling with grief over the loss of a loved one, consider the following strategies to help you move towards closure, acceptance and healing:

SELF-COMPASSION

Understand that it’s okay to feel grief, even if it’s delayed. Give yourself permission to experience and express your feelings. Write about your thoughts and feelings in a journal. This can be a therapeutic way to explore and express your grief.

Be kind to yourself during this difficult time. Understand that grief is a unique process for each individual and there is no set timeline for when it “should” occur. Understand that grief is a process and that healing takes time. Set realistic expectations for yourself and be patient.

SOCIAL SUPPORT

Talk with friends and family. Sharing your thoughts and feelings can help you work through your grief. It is also a good idea to join a support group. Connecting with others who have experienced similar delayed grief can be very comforting. Support groups offer a sense of community and understanding.

PROFESSIONAL HELP

If your grief feels overwhelming or has significantly affected your daily life, consider seeking help from a mental health professional. They can offer guidance and support tailored to your specific situation.

MEDIUMSHIP READING

A consultation with a reputable psychic medium can offer comfort and support during the grieving process. For people struggling with delayed grief, a mediumship readin can especially provide reassurance, closure, and validation of their feelings and experiences. It contributes to the healing process by providing a space for emotional expression, acceptance and resolution.

Remember that everyone grieves differently, and there is no right or wrong way to go through the process. If your grief continues to affect your well-being, consider contacting a mental health professional for personal support.