grief
Breaking The Pattern Of Relationship Trauma
Today I did two consecutive readings for clients who are obsessed with a relationship from a long time ago. They both wondered why the relationship ended and what could have been if things had gone differently.
In retrospect, there have been many similar calls recently. I have even had clients who have had vivid dreams and nightmares about a particular ex-love, lost friend or estranged family member.
In all cases, I find that Spirit consistently offers the same guidance. These haunted thoughts and obsessions are due to a lack of closure and unresolved trauma. Spirit has also indicated that there is a growing epidemic of loneliness in the world. Because of this, more and more people are dwelling on old relationships and their regrets.
This has even happened to me recently, with people from my past that I have not thought of or seen in years coming to mind more and more. It can be surprising and disconcerting to have such random memories pop up. Spirit gave me exactly the same wake-up call. These memories are a sign that there is a need for forgiveness and healing. It is essentially a form of delayed grief, when instead we should be having happy and fond memories of the people in our past.
I find it helps to remember that they, like me, were just doing the best they could with what they knew and had at the time. When someone has shown signs of unkindness or aggression, I have also come to realize that it was the result of their own hurts, losses, or disappointments.
Coping With The Loss Of A Loved One
Many people I know, including myself and several of my clients, have experienced the loss of a child or grandchild.
Losing a grandparent or parent is heartbreaking, but losing a child is absolutely devastating! It is difficult to understand why someone so young is taken before they had a chance to live a full life.
A few years ago, I found some solace for my continuing grief from a very unexpected source.
I am an avid Nascar fan. If you don’t know what Nascar is, it is the National Association for Stock Car Auto Racing. Stock car racing is one of the largest spectator sports in America.
A few years ago I watched an interview with one of the masters of this sport, Richard Petty, also known as “The King.” His words struck a deep chord with me.
Richard Petty’s grandson, Adam Petty, was also a racer like his grandfather. He was only 19 when he died in an accident on May 12, 2000 while practicing the sport he loved so much. His car hit the outside wall of the track, killing him instantly.
In the interview I watched, his grandfather spoke of his depression, guilt, grief, and not wanting to get out of bed because he felt he was somehow to blame for encouraging his grandson to pursue this sport that cost him his young life.
How To Beat The Holiday Blues This Year!
The holidays can be a very difficult and depressing time for some people. It can trigger unresolved emotions from childhood, unhealed trauma from past relationships, or unfinished grief from lost loved ones.
It can also make you feel more lonely, disconnected, and isolated than usual.
Especially for people struggling with existing mental health conditions such as anxiety or depression, their symptoms may worsen during the holidays due to increased stress, social demands, and cultural triggers.
But there are ways to beat the holiday blues and overcome sadness, depression, or low spirits during “the season to be jolly.” There are ways you can take back your power and improve your mood and overall well-being.
First, it is necessary to determine what is causing you to not feel the holiday cheer that everyone else seems to be experiencing.
Several factors can contribute to negative, gloomy thoughts and feelings during this time of year. A common trigger for many of us is that mainstream holiday traditions tend to emphasize spending time with loved ones and family, which can exacerbate feelings of loneliness for those who are socially isolated or have lost loved ones. This isolation can be particularly acute for those of us who live far from family or have strained relationships with them.
The Dealbreakers And Dealmakers Of Dating
Dating has changed a lot in recent years, especially with the advent of social media and dating apps. But one thing that has not changed is that most people still want to meet someone special to share their lives with.
I had to venture back into the dating scene myself after my husband passed away several years ago. At first, I had absolutely no interest in meeting someone new, but after a long period of grieving, healing, and self-reflection, I finally realized that I did not want or need to be alone for the rest of my life.
I remember so many people giving me dating and relationship advice after I became a widow. They particularly advised me not to remarry, especially at my age. “Trust me, you don’t need the headaches and drama,” they all said. “You’ll never find someone as good as him,” one predicted. “It’s a toxic war zone out there,” lamented another. Relatives, friends, and even neighbors all had something negative or skeptical to say.
While I appreciated everyone’s concern and well-meant intentions at the time, I decided to stay true to myself and trust my inner guidance. You see, I already knew something they did not.
Spirit revealed to me toward the end of my grieving period that I would eventually meet someone new, but that I would have to take the necessary steps to make it happen. My future partner was not going to miraculously show up at my door. I had to put myself out there to meet him.
Healing A Broken Heart
One of the hardest things that we will ever have to do is recover from a broken heart after a relationship break-up. We don’t want to be without the person we love; it hurts to say their name, or to think about them. And sometimes it is hard to even breathe.
When a relationship fails we need to grieve and heal. This is a time to be around people who care about us. The worst thing that we can do is to harden our hearts and build a wall that no one can touch. All that this will do is stop us from growing and learning more about ourselves – to know who we are and learning how to love ourselves again.
We are not to give up on future relationships, because that will not serve us in the long run. We need to be able to feel again, but it takes time. Everyone has to go through their own grieving process because no one really knows just how much you are really hurting. With time you will get there.
So many times we think that the love that we have found is real and everlasting, but true love does not lie, or cheat, or make you feel unwanted. True love makes us feel secure, not insecure.
Sure, we have to work at a good relationship, but when it becomes too much of a tug-and-pull, we have to listen to our gut feelings. Trust your inner guidance and hear what spirit is trying to tell you.
I do not think anything hurts more than being disappointed by the person that you thought would never hurt you. When you are ready to start again, make the decision that you are going to move on, that its time.
How To Truly Honor Our Departed Loved Ones
I attended a service recently at the local spiritualist centre that I found particularly meaningful. One of the spirit messages channeled by a visiting medium was for a recently bereaved man in the congregation. The grieving gentleman had been dealing with many mixed emotions since the passing of his spouse.
At first the medium provided the man with undeniable evidence that it was indeed his late wife who was making contact. She relayed several factual details and personal memories that only the man and his wife could possibly know of. This was especially evident from the amazed expression on his face in reaction to everything the medium was saying.
The deceased wife then admitted to being somewhat of a ‘firecracker’ during their 50-year marriage. She further confessed that towards the end of her life she had become especially difficult to deal with and said many hurtful things to him. She acknowledged that despite her unkind behavior he consistently remained patient with her and thanked him for his kindness and forbearance.
The man then confirmed that his late wife had suffered a series of mini-strokes that altered her mental state. She had also been prescribed medication that further affected her mood and behavior in a negative way. The wife then asked for his forgiveness and encouraged him to stop focusing so much on the negative memories of their final months together.
“She is asking you to please think more often of your special moments together,” said the medium.
Are You Ready For The Unexpected?
It has been quite the saga with the dishwasher in my apartment! It has not worked properly for over a year now. The maintenance crew here at the apartment complex has been able to keep it going, but it keeps flooding and breaking down. They have however grown somewhat weary with the ongoing dish drama, but I still manage to gain some sympathy for my struggles.
The last time they came by to repair the temperamental kitchen appliance, it took three weeks for them to show up after I put in the maintenance request. They took me by surprise, but I am not sure who was startled more – me or them. You see, I sometimes like to work in my pajamas, and therefore I was not at all prepared for their visit! Fortunately, I was able to retreat to my home office and merely close the door.
It got me thinking about our everyday readiness to embrace the unexpected in life. As spirit beings we signed up for human adventure riddled with many twists and turns, as well as some adversity and unforeseen surprises. The only way to safely and successfully navigate all these ups and downs is to be guided by the higher self with the support of spirit.
When we raise our vibration through spiritual practice and a conscious lifestyle, we build a foundational state of readiness that empowers us to calmly expect the unexpected, and to always be prepared for anything.
I think of it as ‘Father Readiness.’ In The Bible, Matthew 24 states that “no one knows the day or hour, not even the angels in heaven, nor the Son, but only the Father.”