Breaking The Pattern Of Relationship Trauma

Today I did two consecutive readings for clients who are obsessed with a relationship from a long time ago. They both wondered why the relationship ended and what could have been if things had gone differently.

In retrospect, there have been many similar calls recently. I have even had clients who have had vivid dreams and nightmares about a particular ex-love, lost friend or estranged family member.

In all cases, I find that Spirit consistently offers the same guidance. These haunted thoughts and obsessions are due to a lack of closure and unresolved trauma. Spirit has also indicated that there is a growing epidemic of loneliness in the world. Because of this, more and more people are dwelling on old relationships and their regrets.

This has even happened to me recently, with people from my past that I have not thought of or seen in years coming to mind more and more. It can be surprising and disconcerting to have such random memories pop up. Spirit gave me exactly the same wake-up call. These memories are a sign that there is a need for forgiveness and healing. It is essentially a form of delayed grief, when instead we should be having happy and fond memories of the people in our past.

I find it helps to remember that they, like me, were just doing the best they could with what they knew and had at the time. When someone has shown signs of unkindness or aggression, I have also come to realize that it was the result of their own hurts, losses, or disappointments.

Nothing happens until the pain of remaining the same outweighs the pain of change ~ Arthur Burt

The Karma Of Forgiveness

Spirit says that because of the vibrational shift that is occurring on our planet, which we are all experiencing in one way or another at this time, these random and sometimes unpleasant reminders of others will occur more frequently. They are happening to remind us to not only release and forgive someone who has hurt or disappointed us, but very importantly to release any associated trauma.

There is a karmic need for pent up trauma to be acknowledged and released at this time in human evolution so that we can move forward with this process of ascension, rather than holding on to trauma that in time could only become another failed karmic lesson that we may have to repeat!

Memories and emotions regarding past relationships (even from a long time ago) emerge as a means for us to do some self-reflection and soul-searching, and where necessary to work on releasing the energy attachment to them. The best part about doing this kind of energy release and healing work is that you do not have to make contact or see them again in person. Forgiveness is really a gift we give to ourselves. We do not need the other person’s participation or approval. Although it is always much better if circumstances allow one to make peace in person.

We need to understand that forgiveness is a process, and it doesn’t mean condoning the actions or minimizing the impact of the trauma. It’s about releasing the emotional burden. Think of forgiveness as a gift to yourself rather than a favor to the person who caused the trauma or disappointment.

Forgiveness Support

If you feel overwhelmed by past relationship trauma and do not know how to deal with it, you may want to seek professional help. A mental health professional, such as a licensed therapist or counselor, can provide the guidance and support you need to deal with your trauma and its effects.

It is also important to cultivate a spiritual routine that supports your healing and forgiveness process. Without spiritual support and a belief in something greater than yourself, healing and forgiveness are even more difficult to achieve. Energetic healing practices such as cord cutting, visualization, shadow work, and chakra balancing can be transformative, while mindfulness practices, prayer, and meditation will help you stay present and cultivate a sense of calm groundedness and inner peace. If you find it challenging to adopt some of these practices on your own, consider seeking guidance from a psychic, energy healer, or spiritual counselor to assist you in the process.

By doing the necessary work to cut old energy cords, find acceptance and forgive, we immediately begin to improve our current and future relationships. In many cases of repeated patterns of relationship conflict or failure, the patterns have never been repaired and so they repeat.

“We must develop and maintain the capacity to forgive. He who is devoid of the power to forgive is devoid of the power to love ~ Martin Luther King Jr.

Breaking The Pattern

One story that always stands out in my mind regarding recurring patterns is that of a young woman I met several decades ago. She was volunteering with street children in a poor area of Johannesburg, South Africa. I was in awe of her efforts and dedication and told her how wonderful I thought their work was.

“We do the best we can,” she replied. “But as heartbreaking as it is for us, we have learned to accept that many of the children we find homes for will run away from the well-meaning folks who offer them love and shelter. They are likely to return to the streets because that is what they know, and deep down they do not feel worthy of anything more.”

Those children have internalized that they deserve to be mistreated and rejected by society. So, they act accordingly. They are unable to understand that there may be a better or different way.

How many times have I heard a client say, “I feel like I married my father.” Or, “Why do I keep attracting the same kind of partners who always disappoint me or are abusive?”

Many people get stuck in recurring patterns because that is all they know. They are unable to see a better way, or unable to embrace new possibilities, because they have not released what is no longer serving them. Once again spirit always advises in these cases the need for self-awareness, empathy, trauma healing and forgiveness. This is necessary to break the pattern and raise one’s vibration, which in time increases the likelihood of meeting your vibrational match. You cannot build a strong, safe new house on a broken old foundation.

The moment we recognize a toxic, recurring pattern, we acknowledge that there is an issue. This is already part of the battle won, because only then can we truly begin our journey towards release, healing and forgiveness. We must first surrender to the truth and accept that our happiness and fulfilment begins with ourselves and not with others.

Change is scary and we may have to disconnect from someone who is holding us back. Some life choice are very hard, but necessary. But we must do whatever is needed to fulfill our soul purpose, which often includes learning about self-love. I have witnessed miracles when people finally found the courage to learn, let go, heal, and forgive.