self-compassion
The Empowered Empath
People are naturally drawn to empaths. They tend to open up and pour their souls out to the empath, instinctively knowing that their secrets are safe and that there will be no judgment or condemnation. This is great, unless you are the empath who is constantly feeling burned out and exhausted from the burden of keeping everyone around you happy, with no one to talk to yourself.
I’ve been doing readings on PsychicAccess.com for more than a decade now, and in that time I’ve had the privilege of reading for many people who are born empaths but were unaware of their innate gifts and abilities. They have since grown exponentially in their awareness and have learned to trust what is at the core of their being.
Not only have they become aware of what makes them so different, they realize that they are not ‘crazy’ or ‘too sensitive’ or ‘imagining it.’ They have been told such things all their lives, but now they can trust their very keen intuition and know that they are usually right on the money.
The moment empaths embrace their true, gifted nature, the gut-wrenching anxiety, tension headaches, and other health problems begin to subside. Their confidence soars. It is wonderful to observe this newfound self-empowerment.
But the openness and courage required to do this kind of soul searching is not easy. It takes determination, and it’s not for the faint of heart. Not to mention the difficulty of cultivating the patience required to learn where and when to say what you feel and know. Sensing the outcome of events or relationships, or more importantly, knowing that something is going on with someone before they know it, can be very challenging.
Betrayal Blindness And The Family Scapegoat
I have a good friend who was raised by a mother who constantly belittled and talked down to her. She never defended herself, because she grew up believing that she deserved her mother’s abuse, because something was wrong with her causing her to always say and do the wrong things.
Once she graduated high school, she moved out of her mom’s house. Her life became much more peaceful for several years, until she started noticing that her brother was following in their mother’s footsteps by adopting the same kind of toxic, abusive language towards her.
It oddly became evident to her one year at Christmas time, when she gifted him a beautiful, crocheted blanket that she had been working on for many months and he rolled his eyes and made some disparaging remark about it. She then started noticing how pompous, ungrateful, and narcissistic he truly was. Growing up with him, she always assumed he just had bit of an ego or a macho attitude, but now that she had gained life experience and wisdom, she realized he was simply an abusive jerk.
Still, she chose not to criticize or judge him. In fact, she did the opposite, she encouraged his long-suffering partner to stay by his side and continue to support and love him, because she understood that he was also just a product of his upbringing, like herself. Meanwhile, he faithfully continued judging and belittling her. Because that is what he had seen their mother do all his life.
But one day, something inside her finally shifted. She had reached a point of no return and decided to start standing up for herself! Enough already.
Empaths And Endings
Anger is one of the most difficult emotions for the empath to navigate, and the ending of a relationship is definitely one of the most challenging of all.
Any relationship that falls apart is tough, but if you are an empath you may well find yourself trying to navigate some very overwhelming waters. Not only will you be feeling your own pain, anger and confusion, but you will also sense your partner’s feelings, and possibly even that of your families and mutual friends.
Trying to make sense of all these emotional energies, staying centered and sorting out your own feelings separate from your partner’s is a very tall order.
Chances are you have also been sensing that something had been radically amiss for some time, before your love finally went on the rocks. It is important to take time to look back and remember when you first sensed something was off. Empaths are often aware of their partner’s moods and feelings, and may act on it too prematurely. Pushing too soon can result in the partner shutting down, or insisting that nothing is wrong. The problem is, however, that an empath will feel that something is wrong and will not be able to shake that feeling. You knew something was wrong… and you were right!
It is critical that you shift your focus away from your partner and towards taking care of yourself. Allow your emotions to flow. An empath is always going to be more focused on the other party’s actions, reactions and feelings. You automatically link in to them instead of you. To move through this painful experience you must shift your focus and concentrate on you.
Left Holding The Bag
One of my clients recently said, “I’m the one left holding the bag.” Have you ever been ‘left holding the bag?’ This is when you are put in a situation where you are unfairly held responsible, because other people fail or refuse to take responsibility.
The expression “left holding the bag” originated in 18th-century Britain, but at the time it referred to a person being caught with stolen goods, while the rest of their criminal gang escape responsibility.
Many of us are left holding the bag at some point in our life. This is especially true for empaths, healers and highly sensitive people. They are often the scapegoat in their family, or the friend who is taken advantage of, or the coworker who has to pick up the pieces when others neglect their duties.
The solution for this is often found in spiritual self-empowerment, inner child healing, energy shielding, or simply the setting of boundaries. These are challenges I often assist clients with.
A client was about to purchase a bed and breakfast establishment with the support of an investor. When the day came to sign the papers, the investor decided it was just too much to deal with at the time. This left my client ‘holding the bag,’ having to find a new investor.
Another client was abandoned by her siblings when their mother’s mental and physical health suddenly began to deteriorate, and she was left to her own devices having to care for her mom with no assstance or support from the rest of the family.
Facing Our Shame Leads To Spiritual Growth
I was recently reminded of a hasty set of predictions I made a decade ago for a former colleague, when I had just started my psychic career. At the time, his wife was pregnant with twins, and I foolishly attempted to forecast when, where and how they would be born. Some of my predictions panned out, while some didn’t. At least I correctly predicted they would be born under the sign of Leo!
Looking back on it, I realize I was overly giddy in wanting to share my impressions with him. I certainly overstepped boundaries as a developing psychic, when I chose to impulsively send my predictions to him by email, without him asking for it. This kind of unsolicited psychic advice is seldom a good idea.
In those early days, I wrongly assumed it was the right thing for me to do. I presumed it my duty as a psychic to share whatever I perceived. Not only did I later regret sending that unwelcome email, but I also felt very embarrassed and ashamed. It also shook my fragile ego at the time.
Today, I see it very differently. That hasty email has since served as a valuable lesson in humility, patience, and vulnerability. In fact, it made me a better psychic. These days, I am much more measured and circumspect in my approach, and I no longer feel pressured to share absolutely everything that comes to mind, especially not if it is uninvited.
We all make foolish mistakes sometimes, but we live and learn. This is, after all, what our life journey as a spiritual being in human form is all about. Sometimes my clients say things like, “I shouldn’t have said that,” or “I wish I had never done that.” I then gently remind them there’s never a black-and-white line in the sand that, once you have crossed it, you’ve forever made yourself a ‘loser’ or a ‘fool.’
Judgment Limits Your Soul Growth
So, let’s try a different attitude just for today – just so we can experience what it’s like to exist on a higher spiritual frequency and how good it feels to be connected to God, Source, Spirit, Higher Intelligence, the Divine.
To help bring yourself into spiritual alignment and to be a healthier, happier human being, mentally, psychically and spiritually, simply let go of analyzing and evaluating others. The only reason we do this is usually because we are trying to cover up the misalignments in our own life.
When we constantly criticize and judge ourselves and others, we are essentially keeping ourselves trapped in a life on low, shallow energy altitudes. Hence we hinder our soul from achieving wonderful growth.
Some of the unhealthiest, most miserable people I know tend to always judge. They constantly feel the need to analyze and pass judgment on others, and what is worse they often judge themselves much more severely! I mean, if you can’t see it in their aura, you can definitely see it in their face. The eyes are indeed the windows to the soul.
When we have sincere faith in a higher power we simply do not feel the need to constantly judge ourselves and others. When we judge others we only hurt and limit ourselves. Judgment, intolerance and fear hinder our soul growth. So, just for today try a less judgmental attitude. You just might like it! You may even find it’s better to live this way every single day for the rest of your lifetime.
Life is simply too short and precious to spend it indulging in so much judgment and negativity. So, stop blocking yourself from being the best version of you. Do not analyze and evaluate yourself and leave others in peace to deal with their own karma.
The Key To Happiness Is Self-Care
The most important thing we can do in life is to take good care of ourselves, because this is the only way we can truly be of service to others. Although this may seem counterintuitive, to be most effective we must take some time to put ourselves first and treat ourselves with more love and kindness. The demands of family, friends, career, business and our community are absolutely necessary to attend to, but the gift of self-care must also be given to ourselves.
People tend to believe they have no time for proper self-care. This is often because they have too many unnecessary, self-assigned duties on their plate. There is no point in worrying about all the things that one cannot effectively change. Some issues should be left to sort themselves out over time. Others are not worth the effort or stress in the greater scheme of things.
The trick is to tell the difference between what is within our control and truly our responsibility, and what can be disregarded or delayed. We must prioritize the issues that matter most, and focus our energy on what we can solve or change. This frees up time for taking better care of yourself.
Regardless of how simple or extravagant our self-care activities might be, it is vital to feel that there is a mini-escape from the pressure-ridden demands of our life. For example, whether it is a quick stretch, or a solid workout, keep your body moving to the best of your ability. It doesn’t take long to feel revitalized, so make the most of whatever time you have.