self-compassion
Coping With The Loss Of A Loved One
Many people I know, including myself and several of my clients, have experienced the loss of a child or grandchild.
Losing a grandparent or parent is heartbreaking, but losing a child is absolutely devastating! It is difficult to understand why someone so young is taken before they had a chance to live a full life.
A few years ago, I found some solace for my continuing grief from a very unexpected source.
I am an avid Nascar fan. If you don’t know what Nascar is, it is the National Association for Stock Car Auto Racing. Stock car racing is one of the largest spectator sports in America.
A few years ago I watched an interview with one of the masters of this sport, Richard Petty, also known as “The King.” His words struck a deep chord with me.
Richard Petty’s grandson, Adam Petty, was also a racer like his grandfather. He was only 19 when he died in an accident on May 12, 2000 while practicing the sport he loved so much. His car hit the outside wall of the track, killing him instantly.
In the interview I watched, his grandfather spoke of his depression, guilt, grief, and not wanting to get out of bed because he felt he was somehow to blame for encouraging his grandson to pursue this sport that cost him his young life.
The Compassion Of Tough Love
We have an amazing tool within us: our heart. Not only does it keep us alive, but it also allows us to feel deep emotions, such as love and resentment, joy and sadness, achievement and loss, compassion and apathy.
Many people fail to see the power of the heart and what we as humans can do with that power for ourselves and others. The heart is in fact key to our personal and spiritual learning and our soul expansion in this lifetime.
However, many of us who strive to contribute to a better world with the power of our loving hearts have also seen that giving material things, like money, and trying to help those who refuse to help themselves, does not cure the suffering in the world. It usually only puts a band aid on the underlying problems and in time it just returns as additional problems.
We all have our own karmic lessons, and if not learned it becomes a recurring issue until we finally learn to fix it, learn from it, and move forward. Then it is no more a lesson, but a wisdom.
It is also true that we can get in the way of others learning their lessons. Sometimes we jump in too quickly or end up taking on their burden, only to find it happening again and again. Then all our efforts and sacrifice were in vain.
Transform Your Life With Sustainable Resolutions
Every new year, I hear my clients complain about what they hope to change about themselves, what they want to change about themselves, or what they should be changing about themselves.
I then ask them why they are not claiming their power to change right now?
You do not have to wait until the New Year or some other major life event to make a change in your life. Once you’ve decided on a new path or course of action, the key is to stick with it for the long haul, taking small steps every day.
The Japanese call this kaizen, a philosophical concept that emphasizes continuous improvement, often in small increments. The idea is that by making consistent progress, even if it is just a little bit each day, you can eventually achieve significant results.
Sustainability should be the ultimate goal of whatever you decide to change in your life. While New Year’s resolutions are all noble and lofty, you have to acknowledge the inherent resistances and blockages you carry within and agree to be patient with yourself in order to ultimately get there.
I’m still working on some New Year’s resolutions I made in 2016. Do I look back in horror and say, “Why is it taking so long?” or “I really should be doing better!” Sometimes, yes! Do I use that as an excuse to backslide, fall off the wagon, or throw in the towel? Not at all, mostly because I’ve come to realize that if I hadn’t decided years ago to make those resolutions to make powerful changes in my life, I’d still be where I was, or worse. I’d be living a life of regret, not progress.
Maybe It’s Time To Let Go Of The Baggage
Most people who make New Year’s resolutions don’t keep them. Every year we tell ourselves it’s time to move on, to change, to leave negative people and influences in the past, and yet we rarely follow through. We wonder if it is even possible to let go of the things that hold us back?
Yes, it certainly is!
The first step is to simply make the decision that it’s time to let go of all the old baggage in your life. To do this we must be completely honest about what’s really holding us back and why it’s so difficult to let go. This is sometimes best done with the help of a coach or mentor, such as a therapist, spiritual advisor or trusted friend, who will listen and guide you objectively.
Until we have a true understanding of all our baggage and our own part in it, it will never go away. We must also be gentle and accepting as we travel this path. The past can never be undone, but it can be learned from and it can help us move into a better future.
I’m sure you’ve heard the saying, “Insanity is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results each time.” It’s within our power to change negative thinking patterns and habits. Good habits take at least a month to wire into our brains. Start with affirmations, practice better self-care, and stop obsessing about things you can’t change or control. Over time, you’ll find yourself making better decisions that aren’t tainted by the past.
How To Beat The Holiday Blues This Year!
The holidays can be a very difficult and depressing time for some people. It can trigger unresolved emotions from childhood, unhealed trauma from past relationships, or unfinished grief from lost loved ones.
It can also make you feel more lonely, disconnected, and isolated than usual.
Especially for people struggling with existing mental health conditions such as anxiety or depression, their symptoms may worsen during the holidays due to increased stress, social demands, and cultural triggers.
But there are ways to beat the holiday blues and overcome sadness, depression, or low spirits during “the season to be jolly.” There are ways you can take back your power and improve your mood and overall well-being.
First, it is necessary to determine what is causing you to not feel the holiday cheer that everyone else seems to be experiencing.
Several factors can contribute to negative, gloomy thoughts and feelings during this time of year. A common trigger for many of us is that mainstream holiday traditions tend to emphasize spending time with loved ones and family, which can exacerbate feelings of loneliness for those who are socially isolated or have lost loved ones. This isolation can be particularly acute for those of us who live far from family or have strained relationships with them.
Finding Your Joy In A Fast-Paced World
Finding happiness, joy and inner peace can be challenging in today’s fast-paced, ever-changing world. The constant influx of new information and misinformation, societal pressures, and the rapid evolution of technology can leave us feeling overwhelmed and disconnected.
But amidst the chaos, there is actually a proven way to cultivate a more joyful state of being that transcends these external circumstances. It is no secret that cultivating some form of spiritual practice can greatly transform your life.
One powerful way to invite more joy into your life is through a gratitude practice. Take a little time each day to reflect on the positive aspects of your life and acknowledge the many blessings you enjoy. This essential spiritual practice will shift your focus from what may be lacking in your life to the true abundance available to you, fostering a much more positive mindset and attracting more prosperity and well-being into your life.
The great country-western singer Willie Nelson once said, “When I started counting my blessings, my whole life turned around. He is not the only public figure to attribute at least part of his success and fulfillment to an attitude of gratitude. For example, Cathy Hutchison writes that many wealthy people have a gratitude practice, including Oprah Winfrey, Tony Robbins, Cindy Crawford, and Chris Pratt.
When It’s Time To Draw The Line!
There comes a time when you need to draw a line and walk away from people who constantly disrespect, criticize, or belittle you.
Even if you can’t walk away completely because you’re related, you need to at least set some clear boundaries and keep them at arm’s length.
But in some cases, it is best to have no contact at all with toxic relatives.
The great spiritual teachers have all taught us the same golden rule.
Jesus said, “In all things do to others as you would have them do to you, for this is the sum total of the Law and the Prophets.”
Buddha said, “Do not harm others in a way that you would not harm yourself.”
Muhammad said, “None of you truly believes until he wishes for his brother what he wishes for himself.”
Krishna said, “This is the sum total of duty: do not do to others what would cause pain if done to yourself.”
Well, the same is true in reverse. You are a child of the Divine. You were created in the image of God. You are a spiritual being in human form. No one has the right to treat you any way they would not want to be treated themselves.