Comparison Poisons The Heart, Mind And Soul

When we are going through difficult times, we tend to compare our struggles and suffering to the lives of others and measure ourselves by their perceived happiness, joy and success.

We often do this these days by comparing our own lives to what others post on social media. Then we judge and mentally torture ourselves for not living up to other people’s highlight reels of happiness and good fortune.

Sure, it is sometimes beneficial to self-reflect and strive for more based on the examples of others who serve as our role models. However, when we indiscriminately compare our own life journey to everyone else’s, we end up diminishing our own uniqueness and value.

While social comparison can motivate us to improve and grow, it can also lead to toxic self-judgment, envy, resentment, and extreme unhappiness. Constantly focusing on the highlights of other people’s lives quickly becomes toxic and self-destructive.

However, this tendency is not a character flaw in some of us. In fact, it is a natural evolutionary instinct that we all have. Our ancestors survived by living in social groups. Our tendency to compare ourselves to others is therefore a very common human trait, rooted in our evolution as a species.

We are naturally social beings, wired for love, connection, and belonging. One of the ways we figure out where we ‘fit in’ and what our strengths and weaknesses are is through comparison.

Other people’s lives seem better than yours because you’re comparing their director’s cuts with your behind the scenes ~ Evan Rauch

According to social comparison theory, developed by psychologist Leon Festinger in 1954, it is in our nature to determine our own social and personal worth based on how we compare to others. Research suggests that as much as 10% of our thinking involves this type of comparison.

Nowhere is this more prevalent than in social media. Measuring ourselves against the standards set by others, in an environment where others can present themselves as they wish to be perceived and often fabricate their accomplishments, puts our happiness, confidence, and well-being at risk. Seeing what an ex-partner has posted, for example, can be a huge trigger, opening the door to self-judgment, regret, and self-pity.

Numerous studies in recent years have shown that people feel worse about themselves after spending time on social media. A 2017 study, published in the journal Computers in Human Behavior, found that people who used social media platforms the most had a threefold higher risk of depression and anxiety. One of the main reasons cited was a distorted view of other people’s lives.

A 2016 study by researchers at Penn State University found that looking at other people’s selfies on social media lowered users’ self-esteem, as they compared themselves to photos of people who looked their happiest.

The “who has it better” narrative leads us to invalidate ourselves and makes us feel guilty or ashamed. Constantly comparing ourselves to others can also make it hard to sincerely cheer for others who are working really hard to get ahead in life. It becomes difficult to celebrate with those who have accomplished something. The famous French philosopher Jean-Jacques Rousseau said, “Do not envy the possessions of others, for you do not know the price they have paid for them.”

There is no worse critic than the self-critic. But we all have our own unique experiences in life. We have different personal paths, different life stories, and different soul plans. Furthermore, we all face our fair share of hardships and challenges in life, regardless of what is portrayed on social media.

After so many years struggling to keep up with others, I finally realized we’re not even running the same race ~ Scott Stabile

Most importantly, we are all magnificent manifestations of the universe, creations of an infinite intelligence and higher power, blessed children of God, Source, Spirit, the Divine. Comparing ourselves in order to diminish ourselves is an insult to our divine origin and our higher self. It poisons our heart, mind and soul.

Comparing oneself to others does not serve a conscious lifestyle; spiritually awakened people should not consider themselves less worthy than others. This truth is evident in many spiritual teachings and wisdom traditions.

The Buddha said that if we always compare ourselves to others, we will become vain or bitter, for there will always be greater and lesser persons than ourselves. The whole point of existence is not to do better and more than other people, but to express one’s own unique self.

In the Bhagavad Gita, Krishna says that we should focus on our own inner journey and not compare ourselves to others. Krishna also teaches us to be content with what we have. “Do not grieve over what you do not have. Instead, rejoice in what you have. For there is no end to the desires of the mind.”

Jesus teaches us to love our neighbor as ourselves. When we compare ourselves to others, we are not loving ourselves or our neighbor. Instead, we are putting ourselves down while making judgments about the lives of others about whom we usually know very little. In the Old Testament the tenth commandment teaches it is a sin to envy or covet anything that belongs to your neighbor.

In the Native American tradition there is a saying, “Comparing yourself to others is like comparing a fish to a bird. You are the only one who can walk your path.”

The Tao Te Ching says, “To know others is wisdom; to know oneself is enlightenment. When we compare ourselves to others, we are often comparing ourselves to an idealized version of them in our minds, which is usually based on limited information.

Do yourself a favor, never compare yourself to others because comparison swallows your God given gift ~ Euginia Herlihy

In Wicca it is believed that envy is a natural human emotion that can be used to motivate and inspire us to achieve our own goals. However, it can also lead to negative consequences if we allow it to control us.

Celtic paganism traditionally upholds the concept of imbas, which is a state of being where one is in alignment with your true self and your place in the world. When we are ‘in imbas,’ we are not tempted to compare ourselves to others or to envy their possessions or accomplishments. Norse paganism has a similar concept called wyrd, which is one’s predetermined fate. When we understand our wyrd, we can accept ourselves for who we are and let go of the need to compare ourselves to others.

Spirit says if you find yourself constantly comparing yourself to others to the point that it is detrimental to your mental health and well-being, then it is time to reclaim your divine self-worth. Whether what you are experiencing is a major life event or even a small daily annoyance, practice letting go of the need to compare. Instead, find love and compassion for yourself.

The next time you feel tempted to go down the rabbit hole of comparison, sit down and make a list of your talents, strengths, and accomplishments, or do a guided meditation to honor your higher self.

Also, if it tends to bring you down, limit your time on social media. Instead, channel your time and energy into spiritual self-care and focusing on your own goals by working harder to achieve them.