toxic relationship
Making A Meaningful Change
Most of us have been struggling with stress, anxiety and depression over the past two years. Whatever your personal struggles are, they are real and valid. The pandemic has been affecting everyone differently.
It is important to acknowledge your feelings and deal with it. Ignoring your struggles will only allow it to become bigger issues. Stress and trauma takes its toll on all of us, especially if left unattended. The best thing you can do for yourself and the people around you is to process it and work towards healing.
It is also vital to understand that your joy and happiness is not dependent on other people, material things, or external circumstances. It can only be found within yourself. And often the only way to access this happiness and joy within is to make some real, meaningful changes in your life.
Many people never find their joy and happiness, because they do not know what brings them joy and makes them truly happy. This is the big question. Look within and find makes you happiest. Then concentrate on that. Make a plan and start working towards it. It may sound simplistic, but it will soon begin to manifest in your life if you believe it.
For example, if you want to be in a happy, healthy relationship and you are tired of the bad relationship you are currently in, decide to make the change. Simply choose to be happy. You deserve to be happy and to be loved. Decide that you want to make it happen. It really is as simple as that.
Learning To Check In With Spirit
It is likely you have a friend, co-worker or relative that is in an unhealthy or even abusive relationship. We all know people who are kind, sweet, giving, and thoughtful, who become involved with emotionally absent, dysfunctional, abusive partners.
I know someone who is currently in such a situation. Her loving nature and generosity far exceeds anything I have ever experienced in another person, and I count myself exceptionally lucky to have her as my friend.
We have known each other for many years, but have only recently developed a much closer relationship, because we have both experienced a deep loss in recent years. Grief and bereavement becomes somewhat more tolerable if one has a close friendship in which you can safely express and share your sorrow.
Judging by my friend’s gentle, kind nature one might expect she would be with a life partner who has similar traits and appreciates her, but shockingly she is in one of the most toxic relationships I have ever encountered. She is not being physically assaulted, but she is subjected to unbearable verbal and emotional abuse.
It has been going on for a very long time. I continue to offer her my unconditional love and support but feel at a loss beyond that. I have asked her why she is still in that situation with so very little to indicate there will ever be any miraculous changes? But she has always evaded these questions.
Recently, she finally confessed her reason for staying with him: she is worried about what people might think and say if she leaves him! I asked her what people? She replied, her friends and family. They might find fault with her for breaking up the family.
How To Heal Your Broken Heart
In the 1960’s Roy Orbison belted out the song, It’s Over. Even at four years of age, it stirred my emotions hearing it on the radio. In 1984, I heard the exact same words from a man I very much loved and believed to be ‘the one.’ Thankfully, he was not, but that is another story.
He turned to me and said, “We’re not a good match.”
I remember that moment as if it were yesterday. My heart jumped and my knees turned to jelly. I felt so lost and alone, as well as almost every other negative emotion possible…from anger and hurt, to frustration and hopelessness. All these emotions coursed through my body like a freight train.
How was I going to cope without him in my life? What will become of me? What do I do now that it is over?
At 24 years of age, I did not have much experience dealing with loss, disappointment, and grief as I do today. Today, as a practicing psychic with many years of professional experience, I would offer my younger self the following spiritual advice regarding healing a broken heart.
Acknowledge
I believe we can also mourn the living, just as much as we grieve for someone who has passed away. Indeed, acknowledging finality, in whatever form the finality presents itself, can be a challenging thing to do, especially if you are emotionally involved with someone. That said, it is much better than holding onto false hope, which is far worse. Continue reading
Be True To Yourself To Find Your Soulmate
How do I find my soulmate? This is indeed the magic question. Many people are constantly searching for that special person, but just seem unable to find them.
Actually, achieving this life goal is often simpler than most people believe it to be. The direct path to your soulmate is paved with clarity of intention. Many people do not find what they wish for in life simply because they don’t know what they are looking for.
Sometimes, people end up finding the person they used to be looking for a decade or two ago, because they never ‘updated’ their intention. As we grow and evolve in our life, our priorities, goals, wants and needs change. But we do not always make the effort to match our intention and energy vibration to it.
To find your soulmate, the first thing to recognize, or reconsider, is what do you truly want? Make a list of traits you wish for in a partner: caring, sense of humor, fun-loving, adventurous, happy, joyful, good listener, honest, dependable, loyal, respectful, kind, confident, nurturing, strong, ambitious, trustworthy?
Keep the list short and concise, as the more complicated your wish list becomes, the longer and more complicated the manifesting process will become. Nobody is perfect, do expect too much. Instead identify your shortlist of ‘must have’ qualities that are non-negotiable. Identify your absolute deal-breakers.
You must look at what is really important to you; what is a priority. Once you have decided, stick to those items of priority. Every time you meet someone new, make sure the person has these qualities. If they don’t, move on. This is key to finding your happiness and fulfillment – not to settle for less than you deserve.
You need to believe you deserve this and to be happy. It sounds basic and simple, but you will be surprised to know how many people tend to put their own needs last and end up with someone who who treats them poorly…just to be with someone. It is important to remember you are important. Ask yourself honestly what you want, need and deserve.
The Wisdom Of The Trees
The annual seasons profoundly affect perennial trees. Each year many species of perennial change color, release their leaves, go dormant, and then come back to life in the spring with new growth.
As humans we could learn a lot from these trees. Firstly, they are naturally in tune with the seasons. They can ebb and flow with the natural order of things. For a season their leaves will gather up energy from the sun for growth. They bask in the light and find nourishment. And they can do this because of their ability to release the old when the time comes.
There are times in our lives when we also need to release the old things from the past. All our life experiences have natural course and expiry date to them. All our relationships in this physical life are also temporary experiences. Knowing this allows us to be in the flow with the cycles of life and the afterlife.
Too often we resolutely cling to the past, which causes us to feel stuck or keeps us from developing the types of relationships and experiences we truly want. If the trees were to hold on to their old dead leaves, there would be no room nor energy for further growth. It would be impossible for them to thrive and be nourished by the sun.
There is also no way for trees to perpetually grow. One time I planted a tree late in the season. I gave it lots of nourishment, but over the winter it died off. By fertilizing the tree, I was creating a condition that would not allow it to survive. The fall is when trees release their leaves so the wood can harden off.
Too often people want to run to the next experience, and the next experience. Or they they try to make an experience last indefinitely. They want to make the ‘summer’ of their peak human experiences last forever. They never give themselves the opportunity to let go and properly grieve what has been, in order to recenter and become stable and energized for the next spring.
It is important for us to acknowledge our actual life experiences and move through the winter seasons in a way that prepares us for the next season. There is a temptation to just keep running to the next experience or next relationship to satiate a previous painful experience. However, in doing so we create situations that are toxic and unsustainable.
Small Steps To Big Changes
Making positive changes in your life can often feel like an insurmountable task. At times it can be so daunting that it might even seem easier to just have things stay the same, no matter how uncomfortable it has become.
This is especially true when we have been working on the same aspect of our life for years and still not seeing the results we were hoping for, whether the issue is weight loss, finances, health and wellness, family, career, or relationship.
For me the challenge was a particularly frustrating relationship situation. I felt that no matter what I did, no matter how hard I tried to grow and move forward, I always got sucked back into the drama and negativity.
I continually called on my angels and spirit guides to help me improve the relationship, to heal our issues, release our karma, and so forth. I tried anything and everything I could think of to achieve some of the harmony and peace I so much desired in my life.
This went on for years, and I was ready to throw in the towel and just accept that this one area of my life would always be out of balance. But as soon as I let go, I received the most amazing piece of information from my guides!
They showed me how I was focusing too much on the big picture, or the end result. I also realized that because everything wasn’t miraculously healed over night, I was becoming frustrated and disregarding all the tiny steps and improvements I had been making in repairing the relationship.
My guides further told me to break the steps in the healing and reconciliation process down into smaller parts. Instead of seeking instant and complete resolution, I should be working towards small daily improvements. If I do this consistently, I will soon reach the end goal.
True Love Is About Letting Go
Over the many years of doing psychic readings, I feel the best advice I have ever given clients is to let it be, and let it go. As difficult as it may be sometimes, whenever spirit shows me that toxic love cord connection, while there is still lifelong learning, soul growth and spiritual evolution to be had, then I know that person needs to release the energy that is holding them back and surrender to the flow.
The potential good news is that instead of losing the person we let go, the opposite often happens. Without all the energy attachments of anxiety, fear, obsession and worry, the other person who has been struggling to be separate, independent or free from the one that is holding on, feels the dramatic shift in energy and often change their mind and come around.
There is some real truth to be had from the 1981 rock hit Hold On Loosely by 38 Special that I still love to listen to. That song probably remains popular after all these years, probably because it offers such sensible relationship advice!
People sometimes come to me in turmoil, devastated and in tears, because they think it is over or never going to happen. If I see there is still hope and potential, I advise the client to let go and just go with the flow. The people we love are not always ready when we are. Sometimes we just need to give them a little space and time.
Sooner or later come around if it is meant to be – especially when we no longer spoil them with our constant, undivided attention, emotional coddling and obsessive thoughts. Every time we think of someone they pick up on the energy and begin to take it for granted. So, practicing ‘tough love’ tends to work wonders in the energy realm.
I have sees this advice work for most of my clients over the years, so I am sharing it with you today. If you intuitively feel a strong love cord that connects you with another, and that other person just does not seem to feel it in the same way you do, try just letting go for a while and see what happens. That person often comes around after a time left alone to think, ponder, and maybe go through some personal growth, trials and tribulations. Continue reading