emotional control
Is Your Texting Pushing Him Away?
A new client recently contacted me about a promising romantic relationship. The first thing that became clear as I began to read for her was that she had a long history of dating men who seemed like potential long-term partners, but then suddenly disappeared or broke up with her after only a few months.
It quickly also became clear to me that texting was a significant factor in her dating problems. Misunderstandings due to texting have damaged the romantic, family, and friendship relationships of many people I have worked with as a psychic professional. This client was no exception.
As I read the energy around her situation, I sensed that she had a tendency to push men away by unnecessarily panicking when she did not feel completely in control. Guys can sense panic and controlling tendencies and for most men this is usually a big turnoff.
This kind of negative energy is also stressful and doesn’t improve the outcome of an uncertain situation. Excessive obsession, panic, and worry will not bring someone closer to you; in fact, it can push a potential long-term relationship away forever.
I then had to tell her that while I did see the potential for a long-term relationship in their connection, I didn’t currently see a long-term future for them if she continued with all the texting she was doing. I told her to take a step back, breathe, stop worrying so much, and definitely not try to resolve things through texting any more.
Working Your Way Up The Emotional Scale
Is it not amazing how many different emotions we can experience? No one even knows for sure how many different human emotions there are!
Over the years, psychologists and neuroscientists have proposed various models for categorizing and understanding human emotions. The highest total number of distinct emotions identified by a single model is found in the research of Alan S. Cowen and Dacher Keltner, who identified 27 distinct emotions. Their model is one of the most comprehensive in terms of categorizing a wide range of human emotional experiences.
A concept closely related to the wide range of emotions we can experience is that of an emotional scale, also known as an emotional spectrum or hierarchy. This idea involves categorizing and ranking emotions based on various criteria such as their intensity, positivity or negativity, and how they relate to each other.
There are several emotional scales that are used to help us better understand and navigate our emotions. There is Plutchik’s Wheel of Emotions, Russell’s Circumplex Model of Affect, David Hawkins’ Map of Consciousness and Abraham-Hicks’ Emotional Guidance Scale.
Emotional scales and models serve a variety of purposes, including therapeutic contexts, self-help, academic research, emotional intelligence training, spiritual growth and guidance, manifestation practices, and other esoteric and practical applications. They help people identify, categorize, and work with their emotions for improved emotional well-being and self-awareness.
Always Feel Free To Own Your True Feelings
Has anyone ever told you that you are too happy? Or has anyone ever told you that you smile too much? My guess is probably never.
So, why is it that whenever we experience negative emotions, be it grief, despair, or depression, we are often told that there is a time limit to such feelings and that we need to get over it. In today’s society, it is essentially also taboo to express feelings of loneliness, sadness, fear, or simply being unhappy.
My brother died at the tender age of 12 and left such a void in our lives that my entire family grieved his loss for decades. Fortunately, we were raised to accept this as a perfectly normal and natural process for us. We all understood that we would work through our feelings of grief and loss in our own way and at our own pace. We did not grieve according to a schedule or set of societal rules.
I find that a useful way to think about feelings and how to process them is to think of our emotions as being processed by our heart and mind like food is processed by our body. Just like food, we need to break down, digest, and assimilate the lessons and insights in our emotions to serve as growth “nutrients” for the soul.
Anger Awareness For The Empowered Empath
Of all the emotional energies that empaths have to deal with, anger is one of the most powerful and potentially destructive, because empaths feel and react first, and think later.
An empath’s initial reaction to someone else’s angry feelings is usually some form of intense “fight or flight” response.
The more extroverted empath will often respond to the anger with equal force, usually involving a very intense and potentially catastrophic emotional outburst. The introverted empath will usually “flee” the scene or do everything possible to avoid the person who is emitting the anger.
After the initial reaction, the empath’s emotional state will often then shift to sadness, anxiety, or feeling drained and depressed at seemingly inappropriate times and for no apparent reason.
Because it is very common for empaths to be intensely aware of the feelings, moods, and motives of others, sometimes even before others are aware of their own feelings, a strong emotion like anger deeply affects us. And if the other person is a spouse or partner in a romantic relationship, anger can become a proverbial land mine. Ditto if it is a co-worker or employer.
Embrace Your Personal Power In Relationships
Our relationships have great power and influence in our lives. In particular, many of us spend countless hours pursuing love and romance. Then, once we are in a relationship, we spend even more time and energy thinking about it, confiding in friends about it…often trying to make the relationship different or better.
I deal with this almost daily as I have counseled hundreds of lovesick, frustrated, and heartbroken clients over the years.
“If only he would do what I want, things would be different,” some of my clients might say. “If only he would be more open and honest, maybe I could trust him more.” Truth be told, I have heard similar words come out of my own mouth about my own relationships more times than I care to admit!
Unfortunately, instead of successfully influencing our partner’s words or behavior, we are often left feeling disappointed, betrayed, frustrated, powerless, or out of control. It is draining, pointless, and definitely not the best use of one’s time and energy.
So how do we change it? How do we take emotional control of our life and our relationships? The answer is shockingly simple.
It is all about taking a different, broader perspective on relationships and what they are here to teach us. A quote from Unity Church’s Daily Word magazine perfectly captures this shift in perspective: “Through our relationships with one another, we express the power, presence and love of God.”
Being Patient With The Man You Love
When we meet someone we’re attracted to, we don’t always listen to our inner voice and tend to go with our heart instead of our head. And when we don’t listen to our inner guidance and get ahead of ourselves, we tend to get hurt.
I think it is fair to say that modern women prefer men who say what they mean and mean what they say. Women today are independent and we want someone who can stand his ground and bring out the best in us.
Today’s empowered woman wants a gentleman, a best friend, a soulmate and a superhero all in one. We want romance and respect, adventure and security, strength and tenderness.
But most of all, we want loyalty, honesty and trust. Because without that, we have nothing. Unfortunately, some men never speak their minds, and some never tell the truth.
There are also men who come on too strong, always calling, always texting, making you feel like he can’t live without you and everything seems almost too good to be true. Then suddenly one day he is gone, missing in action, retreated to his cave.
Embracing Growth Challenges In Your Relationship
At some point in a romantic relationship, we all face challenges that test our connection with our partner or spouse. People disagree, make mistakes, and experience conflict. It’s human nature.
However, it is important to realize that most problems in a developing relationship are often not inherently negative or catastrophic. Instead, they present valuable opportunities for personal growth, healing, and self-discovery.
If you believe that your happiness in a relationship depends on finding the perfect partner, it’s time for a new perspective. The key to a happy relationship is to remove personal barriers one at a time. By doing so, you can fully immerse yourself in love and become a magnet for attracting the right partner into your life.
Consider the following five common issues that many new couples face and how you can learn from them to foster a stronger, more fulfilling connection with your significant other.
The Happiness Myth
Some people go into a new relationship expecting their partner to bring them the complete state of happiness, joy, and fulfillment they have always sought. But others cannot make us happy, joyful, or fulfilled because achieving this is always an inside job. It starts with us.