self-control
Embrace Your Personal Power In Relationships
Our relationships have great power and influence in our lives. In particular, many of us spend countless hours pursuing love and romance. Then, once we are in a relationship, we spend even more time and energy thinking about it, confiding in friends about it…often trying to make the relationship different or better.
I deal with this almost daily as I have counseled hundreds of lovesick, frustrated, and heartbroken clients over the years.
“If only he would do what I want, things would be different,” some of my clients might say. “If only he would be more open and honest, maybe I could trust him more.” Truth be told, I have heard similar words come out of my own mouth about my own relationships more times than I care to admit!
Unfortunately, instead of successfully influencing our partner’s words or behavior, we are often left feeling disappointed, betrayed, frustrated, powerless, or out of control. It is draining, pointless, and definitely not the best use of one’s time and energy.
So how do we change it? How do we take emotional control of our life and our relationships? The answer is shockingly simple.
It is all about taking a different, broader perspective on relationships and what they are here to teach us. A quote from Unity Church’s Daily Word magazine perfectly captures this shift in perspective: “Through our relationships with one another, we express the power, presence and love of God.”
Finding Silver Linings On The Dark Days
The sky was dark this morning. Overcast, miserable, wet and windy. Not the best way to start any day.
To make matters worse, after several very busy days with readings, I had one of those rare “goose egg” days. Not a single client called me all day!
Halfway through my shift, I realized that my mind was starting to brew up all kinds of negative thoughts. Idle hands are indeed the devil’s workshop. Fortunately, I was able to nip it in the bud by the end of my shift. The last thing I needed in this miserable weather was to plunge myself into a pity party.
Instead, I gently coaxed myself back into a state of calm, centered inner peace and gratitude. After all, I have a lot to be thankful for in my life!
I also had to remind myself that I no longer have all my eggs in one basket. I have learned the hard way over the past few years to diversify my income, and I also have a nest egg in the bank for a rainy day.
Those of us who have been on a long and challenging journey to a better life realize that having a totally negative day is sometimes a necessary part of the process of self-improvement and greater fulfillment. If things were always easy and perfect, we would have no motivation to strive for anything better.
Learning To Honor My Higher Self
Have you ever had a conversation with someone that made you feel very uncomfortable, upset, even angry, to the point where you could feel their negative, toxic energy attaching to you? I certainly have, more times than I care to remember.
This feeling of extreme discomfort is usually a clear sign that the interaction you are having with this person is going against your higher self. Yet, even though we are aware of this on some level, we often fail to do what is right for our highest good and instead continue to interact with the energy thief in question to our own detriment.
Truth be told, I have been guilty of this myself many times. Only to face the aftermath of unhappiness and disappointment for not honoring my higher self.
I have recently become increasingly aware of this personal failing and have been actively working to identify my motives for putting and keeping myself in these situations.
I have come so far in my quest for increased self-awareness and spiritual growth that I am willing to explore and deal with the deepest corners of my soul-self. True enlightenment is not only about our brightest achievements, but also about our darkest inner shadows.
Spiritual Growth Without Judgment Or Guilt
I recently had a nasty fight with my ex-husband that was definitely not in line with the spiritual values and principles I teach my clients. Afterwards, I felt very defeated and disappointed in myself for not practicing what I preach.
But then Spirit whispered in my ear.
“It’s okay not to be perfect all the time. Sometimes you need to let the toxic air out of your human ego balloon.”
Upon further reflection, I was reminded that we are all spirit beings in human form, which automatically means we are limited and fallible. No one is perfect in this world.
After all, we have signed up for a very challenging physical adventure in this lifetime, which means we all have problems from time to time and we all make mistakes. That is how we learn and grow. In fact, one of the least spiritual things we can do is pretend we’re perfect.
Sometimes we need to let off steam by releasing pent-up negative energies that tend to build up in our auras as we navigate the ups and downs and many frustrations of our daily human existence. Yes, indeed, there are times when we need to go ahead and just beat the heck out of our ego piñata to get rid of some bad juju! When we release these unwanted energies, we detoxify our energy field to live a more abundant and fulfilling life.
The Messenger Must Know When To Hold Her Peace
Ever heard of “less is more?” Well, there is a lot of spiritual truth in the saying. It is especially valid in this day and age, where everyone seems to have preconceived ideas and strong opinions on just about everything. Sometimes saying less, or even saying nothing at all, is enough, and usually for the best.
Saying nothing can be very empowering and liberating. We have free will to choose how we want to spend our time and energy. I choose to focus on things that are for my highest good, and those I care about.
It is not our duty to correct every misinformed opinion or ignorant viewpoint we encounter. Does that mean we should be self-absorbed and uncaring? No, certainly not. But we can also not make the world a better place by wasting our precious time and energy trying to fix everyone, and correct everything, while our own inner peace and well-being suffers.
Compassion, charity, and kindness are all much needed in the world today, but not if it is constantly at our own expense. I therefore prefer to wisely pick my battles, and stick to my lane. One person cannot be everything for everyone. We must focus on our own unique strengths and capabilities when helping others.
If we randomly go out on a limb to help everyone with advice and support, it is often not appreciated and frequently met with negativity and resistance. Not to mention trying to point out the facts or truth of a matter, which can be very risky these days! There are some things in life people just need to figure out for themselves. They don’t always need to hear it from us.
Be The Change You Wish To See In The World
Our co-created world has always been full of woes and challenges. To ignore these difficulties is irresponsible, but to focus obsessively on it creates more of the same. So, how can we possibly affect real, meaningful change in the world as mere individuals?
The answer is simple: we must take personal responsibility for the choices we make, and be intentional about how we are living. In other words, we must begin with ourselves, instead of trying to change everyone else and the world around us.
Our power to make change in the world comes down to taking responsibility for that which we do have control over – ourselves. Change begins in our own backyard.
Rather than pointing out how others might improve, we should focus on what is within our own power to improve. It doesn’t matter how small these changes may be. Once we make a start to improve aspects of our own life, it becomes like a domino effect.
Making improvements in your own world, whether it be cleaning up that pile of junk that’s been cluttering up your home, or dealing with internal ‘junk’ that no longer serves you, will improve your own existence and experience. In turn, simply by doing this for yourself, you may find you inspire others to do the same.
At the very least it will help to improve your own energetic flow and raise your own vibration. You can then take this positive new vibration with you everywhere you go, and it will influence and bless every interaction you have with others.
Choose Your Words Wisely
Did you ever stop to think about the sounds that come out of our mouths? We use them to form phrases and sentences. It is how we communicate. But, have you ever considered the true nature of these sounds, or the power contained within our words, the power of the vibration?
Words are formed using the organs of speech that creates a vibration, thus causing a sound. We know that sound doesn’t just disappear. Sound travels – from our mouths, past the person it is directed to, past a few others, and on and on, into the ethers.
Words are more powerful than we realize. Maybe we should choose our words more wisely. If we send negative words out, whether we sincerely mean it or not, it never goes away. That negative vibration we sent out has an effect on the earth, the solar system and the universe. It may even come back and have an effect on you, without you ever even realizing it.
Historically soldiers have always marched as an army in one way or the other. It made me wonder why they march in sync and to a set rhythm, like they do. Because, it looks cool? No, they march in unison and uniformly, because their foot stomping causes a vibration. If the vibration matches the frequency of a target, it becomes a powerful weapon.
The Walls of Jericho is a good example. The Israelites wandered the desert for 40 years. Upon arriving at Jericho, they marched around the city for six days. On the seventh day they circled the city seven times. The priests then blew their trumpets and they shouted and the walls of the city fell down. Just another bible story? Well, we know vibration can bring down bridges and maybe those priests knew the note to play that gave a specific vibration that brought those walls down.