toxic family
‘Under-Doing’ For You And ‘Overdoing’ for Others?
Are you ‘under-doing’ for yourself, or perhaps ‘overdoing for others’ in order to gain approval and love? Many of us fall into this pattern without even realizing it.
When we are raised to be helpful, agreeable and accommodating, it can become second nature to say yes whenever someone asks something of us.
For some people it can take many years, sometimes even decades, to recognize that constantly putting others first may not always be the healthy or loving choice it appears to be.
Learning to set healthy boundaries is not something most of us are taught when we are young, especially if we have grown accustomed to keeping the peace by going along with what others want.
Many of us know what it feels like to be the person everyone relies on. When something needs to be done, we are the first person people think of. When someone needs help, they call us.
At first this can feel rewarding because we enjoy being supportive and dependable. Yet always being that ‘Yes’ person can quietly create an imbalance over time.
When we continually give our time, energy and attention to others without receiving the same in return, the natural flow of energy becomes disrupted. Healthy relationships usually involve a balanced exchange between people.
Healing Ancestral Trauma In Your Family Lineage
Have you ever heard a whisper from your ancestors that is clearly guiding you? Sometimes it also comes as a gesture of approval.
I have heard my fair share, including one of my dearest family members whispering to me, and calling me by name, as she left her hospital bed at the time of her passing. It was so clear, sacred and spot on!
She was letting me know how to deal with issues that would be coming my way after her passing, because she would no longer be there to protect me. And, oh, the validation! It meant so much. Far more than my mere words can express. Stemming the flow is indeed observed by our ancestors.
Every lineage has wounds that are passed along throughout generations. The trauma is deeply ingrained in our ancestry. There are no exceptions.
Lucky are those of us who have chosen to affect the healing of these imprints. Usually, in a generation, it is the task of the person that is most misunderstood.
If that person is you, it is your sacred task and a path of honor that is earned through hardship on many levels, especially familial relationships. No worries. Your ancestors are guiding you.
If you listen closely, you will hear them speak encouragingly. And, be sure to watch for indications of their presence. Indeed, they are witnessing for you.
The Ghost Who Warned Me
I moved into my first haunted house in 2005. I have been in haunted houses before, but this time I was not able to just browse and leave. I was stuck in that house for a few months.
I have communicated with beings from the other side since I was a child, but actually moving into a home where there was a spirit attachment, was a very different experience for me.
I was moving in with a family member, whom I knew had a lot of emotional issues, but who was also very sweet and wanting guidance and help from me. He was very attached to the house we were looking at renting.
I told him right off the bat, it’s haunted. Was he sure he wanted to move into a haunted house?
He asked me how I knew it was haunted, even though he knows I am psychic medium. I told him I could sense the presence. It wasn’t dark. It was male and it was associated directly with the house.
Despite all this, we moved in.
The night we moved in, I felt a presence hovering over me when I was sleeping…or should I say trying to sleep. The ghost said telepathically, “You brought darkness into my house. You need to get rid of it, or leave.”
I was very confused. “I am a lightworker. I’ve never caused harm to anyone. Why would you think I brought darkness here?”
Navigating Grief Without Losing Yourself
In my work as a psychic reader, I have worked with many people navigating grief. Over the years, I have witnessed how people process loss and transition differently.
I have often had to guide clients toward grounding, self-trust, and setting compassionate boundaries. And, as life would have it, I recently had to draw on that wisdom and apply it to my own family.
My father was recently admitted to hospice care at his local nursing home after spending a week in the hospital. His prognosis was poor.
As our family transitioned to this new phase of care, I stayed in touch with loved ones and made decisions centered on his comfort and dignity.
At the same time, I made a conscious effort to protect my emotional energy and maintain healthy boundaries so that I could stay grounded.
In these circumstances I’ve been grappling with a kind of grief that isn’t often acknowledged: the grief of realizing someone you love is no longer the person they once were.
Even when they are physically present, the relationship shifts. There can be a quiet heartbreak in adjusting to the present while remembering the past.
There is also grief in watching a family reorganize itself. During times of transition, long-standing dynamics often change. Some family connections deepen and some relationships no longer operate as they once did. This can also feel like a loss in terms of shared understanding and how things “used to be.” Sudden changes in family circumstances tend to reveal where everyone actually stands.
Take Out The Toxic Trash With A Self-Love Meditation
I’ve been teaching meditation for over 30 years now, and it is something that has been widely misunderstood. It has also been hijacked by people with nefarious, materialistic agendas.
Meditation is not about emptying the mind or having no thoughts. Rather, it is about removing and replacing negative thoughts, repetitive patterns, abusive programming from childhood, and conditioning imposed by sadistic or wounded individuals.
Meditation is about inviting God, Spirit, Source, the Divine back into the heart, soul, and mind.
When we are children, everything begins with love. Children are eternal optimists, even when they have been traumatized.
But almost every child encounters at least one parent, relative, teacher, classmate, or authority figure who is abusive. These individuals attempt to rid themselves of their own overflowing toxicity by dumping it onto others: verbally, emotionally, or physically. Their words become programming, much like a computer virus.
Meditation is designed to replace that negative programming. Instead of hearing “you are worthless” looping in your mind, meditation allows you to consciously replace that tape with “I am loved.”
Think about the hurtful words that were spoken or screamed at you as a child. Then, during meditation, repeat the opposite.
Ask Spirit For Patience This Holiday Season
The holidays are supposed to be a time of joy, togetherness, and celebration. But for some of us, it can also be a time of tension, distress, and intense emotions.
Instead of being a time of gratitude, love, and connection, for some of us the holidays mark the resurfacing of old family conflicts, unresolved tensions, and the weight of others’ overwhelming expectations or criticisms.
These challenges often lead to frustration, sadness, anger, or feelings of being overwhelmed, turning what should be a time of love and belonging into one that underscores where our relationships with loved ones are most strained.
At this point, asking spirit or your higher power to help you cultivate the virtue of patience becomes a powerful way to stay grounded and centered.
Patience isn’t just about enduring difficult moments; it’s about being aware of those moments and choosing to respond with grace and dignity rather than impulsively. When tensions rise — perhaps during a family dinner where conversations may become heated or awkward — it is easy to fall back on old patterns and habitual responses. Asking for spiritual support and protection in these moments, however, can provide a higher perspective and an empowered response.
Whether it’s through a silent prayer, a few deep breaths, whispering your favorite mantra, or simply making a conscious call for help in your mind, spiritual presence can help you pause, step back, ground and center, and approach the situation calmly and with more compassion — for yourself and others.
The Hidden Blessing Of Dysfunctional Parents
For those of us who grew up with dysfunctional or abusive parents, the journey of healing is not a straight path. It twists and turns through shadows of anger, grief, and longing.
But, within this curse always lies a paradoxical hidden blessing or two. Even the most wounded parents can be our teachers and a source of inspiration, not because of what they gave us, but because of what they could not.
Yes, dysfunctional and abusive parents can be an inspiration. Not in the sentimental sense of gratitude for their suffering, but in the clear-eyed recognition that their brokenness became the rich soil in which your awareness grew.
A damaged parent can inspire you to live more consciously, to love with intention, and to stop the cycle of ancestral pain that shaped them and you.
They can inspire you to use their example as a guide for what not to do, what not to say, and who not to become.
Their absence of nurturing can ignite within you the sacred resolve to be present and compassionate. Their harshness can awaken your gentleness. Their coldness can teach you warmth. The rejection you endured can remind you daily to make every person you love feel safe, seen, and cherished!
Even if your parents were never healed, you can be. Even if they never awakened, you can awaken. Their story does not have to become your destiny. You can use their limitations as fuel to create something better, purer, and truer.