self-criticism
Letting Go Of Guilt
We all like to be seen as good people, and it can be deeply unsettling when others perceive us otherwise. When we find ourselves in a disagreement with a dear friend or colleague and take the blame for something we’re not responsible for, it’s natural to feel unhappy.
Spirit teaches that while it’s important to own our actions and the roles we play in conflict, guilt only serves to amplify feelings of remorse. If we allow guilt to fester, we may begin to believe that we are “bad” people who do not deserve happiness and success.
This is far from the truth. We are human, and human beings have the ability to change. Our actions may not always be right, but that doesn’t mean we are inherently bad or deserving of punishment.
Making mistakes is part of being human, and sometimes we need to adjust our responses, especially in challenging situations, in order to grow and improve. Spirit suggests that this is a much healthier perspective.
However, taking this “healthy approach” is often easier said than done. We’ve grown up in a world where elders, peers, and society define what is good and bad – even when they’re not always right. This can lead us to judge ourselves harshly and feel unnecessary guilt.
Many traditional spiritual teachings emphasize the importance of forgiveness, both of oneself and of others. In Christianity, for example, the concept of repentance is central; believers are encouraged to confess their sins, seek divine forgiveness, and then release their guilt, trusting that God’s grace has absolved them.
Begin By Loving Yourself Unconditionally
The first person each of us learns to love is ourselves. And that’s exactly how it should be, although many of us seem to forget this fundamental truth as we navigate the complexities of life.
But if we don’t cultivate self-love, how can we expect to show genuine love and care for anyone else?
In our society, love is often misunderstood as an abstract “thing” that we either have or don’t have. This view is fundamentally flawed. Love is not just a passive state or a fleeting emotion; it’s an active, conscious choice. We must make self-love an integral part of our daily thoughts and actions.
Unfortunately, our culture is often harsh, judgmental, and narrow-minded. This societal backdrop can deeply affect our self-perception, making it easy to forget how to love ourselves. Many people experience moments of self-doubt or feel less than perfect.
This self-criticism can snowball and lead us to constantly put ourselves down. But this doesn’t have to be our reality. The foundation of all healthy relationships – romantic or otherwise – is unconditional self-love.
So how do we cultivate this essential self-love? It begins with simple affirmations. Remember that you are you – and that’s more than enough. Create a mantra that resonates with you and repeat it regularly. When you’re comfortable, try speaking directly to your reflection in the mirror. It may feel awkward at first, but it’s a powerful way to reinforce positive self-esteem.
Self-Charity Is Your Spiritual Responsibility
Charity truly begins at home. To be truly charitable to others, we must first be kind and generous to ourselves.
Whether we view “charity” as giving alms to the poor, showing kindness to strangers, or extending non-judgment in times of questionable behavior, it is imperative that we first take care of our own needs. Why? Because we cannot freely and easily give to others what we have not given to ourselves.
Our true nature as incarnated spirit beings is to be loving, kind, and giving. However, it is our spiritual duty to take care of ourselves first so that we can offer more to others and make a real difference in the world.
Self-charity, or prioritizing our own needs before helping others, involves several key components.
Self-awareness is critical, requiring regular self-reflection and mindfulness to stay in tune with our mental, emotional, and physical states. Prioritizing self-care through activities such as regular exercise, healthy eating, adequate sleep, and relaxation techniques such as meditation or yoga is essential.
Mindful time management helps balance work, rest, and play, ensuring we don’t overcommit and have enough downtime to recharge.
Emotional management is essential and includes healthy ways to process and express emotions, such as journaling, talking to a trusted friend or therapist, or engaging in creative activities. Setting boundaries, learning to say no, and protecting our time, energy, and resources help us manage our lives effectively. Seeking support when needed, whether from friends, family, or professionals, ensures that we don’t carry burdens alone.