Signs You Are Being Gaslighted

You’re crazy, that never happened. You’re too sensitive. You’re making things up. No one else has ever said that about me. I get along with everyone else except you. I’ve never had this problem with anyone else but you. Everyone says you’re crazy. I’m not cheating, so maybe you are… since you are accusing me. You are too sensitive.

These are just some of the things you might hear when someone is gaslighting you, when you have confronted them with their own issues or manipulations.

Gaslighting is a form of abuse that is more common in romantic relationships, but it can occur in landlord and tenant relationships, friendships, employee and employer relationships, and even in relationships with neighbors. It is basically the art of messing with someone’s mind or reality. Sometimes it is done in an obvious way, right in front of the person, and sometimes it is under the radar and you don’t you know who is gaslighting you, or even if you are actually being gaslighted.

While we can consciously be fooled, unconsciously we can’t, and often we will have a lingering feeling that “something just isn’t right.”  Make sure that you listen to this feeling and seek help, either professionally or socially ~ Aletheia Luna

The following are some signs that indicate that someone may be gaslighting you:

Self-doubt

You are constantly second-guessing yourself. The other person continually tells you that you are crazy, or you have a poor memory, or you cannot comprehend what is really going on. You may be told you are making things up, or that you are lying, delusional or imagining things.

They may even tell you that others have the same view of you. They may set you up to look foolish, forgetful or overly emotional in front of others. They may berate you over and over, when no one is watching, and then when you cry or get upset, tell others you just got that way for no other reason other than your emotional instability.

You feel like you can’t do anything right. You feel like you deserve what is happening to you. You do things you never thought you would do to please the other person, or to get them off of your back. You feel humiliated much of the time.

You may develop a sleeping disorder. You may develop an eating disorder or body dysmorphia. You often feel like you aren’t good enough for others, aren’t attractive or smart any more.

Depression

You are unhappy and miserable all the time. You remember feeling happy once, but can’t obtain that feeling again. You feel like you are no longer yourself. You may are plagued by anxiety, paranoia, and a nervous, tight feeling in your stomach or chest.

Uncertainty

You often have a hard time making simple decisions. You question your own reality and judgment. You may feel that you are not bright or competent. Although deep down you know you are being gaslighted and who is doing it, you still think it may be you who is the problem.

Shame

You start to question if you are maybe too sensitive or over-react too easily. Gaslighters often use phrases like, “I’m sorry if you are so sensitive that what I said so easily hurt your feelings.”

Instead of just saying they are sorry, they might say, “I’m sorry that the truth upset you. I’ll stop being honest with you if you are too sensitive to it.” In reality what they are saying or doing would hurt or upset any normal, feeling person. The truth is that they are doing something wrong and abusive. You are not the problem and you are certainly not over-reacting.

Paranoia

You may doubt every little thing the other person tells you, because you have caught them in so many lies. You may even start to think others are also lying to you.

You withhold information from friends and family so you don’t have to explain things. You become secretive about even the smallest details of your life.

A person who is gaslighting needs their ‘victim’ to be isolated, alone and without friends so that they can carry on their campaign without external interference. Getting friends involved, getting another opinion, from any kind of source, is vital to break the bond a gaslighter has with their victim ~ Janey Davies

Fear

The person gaslighting you often yells at you, threatens you or withholds love or something else you need or want, especially when you confront them or question their behavior. This is designed to keep you too afraid to ever question them again. You may even find yourself constantly apologizing even though you haven’t done anything wrong.

Dysphoria

You fantasize about a different life, about escaping, about moving or changing your identity. Your feel miserable and despondent most of the time.

Rationalization

You often make excuses for your partner’s behavior. You tell yourself and others little lies about why your partner says the things they say, or treats you the way they do.

Psychosis

You feel extremely confused, or that you are losing touch with reality.  The gaslighter ‘forgets’ that they did or said something you know they did or said. They simply change reality to fit their needs for that moment. The gaslighter often lies for no reason or benefit to them. One day they love strawberries. The next day they hate them and you should already now that. They imply your reality is skewed. The sky isn’t blue, it’s a hazy indigo. You think it’s blue because you are simplistic or misinformed. One day you are chastised for cooking wheat spaghetti when you know the other person is allergic to it. The next time you cook brown rice spaghetti, you are being inconsiderate because you know perfectly well the gaslighter only likes wheat spaghetti!

If you suspect that you are being gaslighted, there is a way out. Part of this manipulation is to make you feel you won’t find another partner, or that you can’t get another job, or won’t be able to move. The perpetrator wants you to feel you are weak and trapped. Put your energy into thinking of an escape. Confide in at least one person who can keep you in reality and help you plan your escape.

Know that the gaslighter is filled with self-hatred and low-self esteem, no matter how much they try to tear you down and how much they pump themselves up. People who love themselves, are happy and confident and want others to feel the same. They only want good things for others. They compliment instead of criticize. This is their problem not yours. Life is short. You deserve better!