self-advocacy
Not A People Person, Or Pleaser, And That’s Okay!
I have had clients tell me that they feel something is wrong with them, because they don’t like to be around people. They prefer solitude.
Others feel disconnected when around people, or it makes them feel smothered. People make them feel drained, or they feel out of their element.
If you are someone that does not like to be around people, or feels a sense of disconnect when in large groups, or even just engaging with others, fear not! I have some very good news to share with you.
It is my hope and prayer that this information will help you to stop being so hard on yourself when it comes to your social preferences. You do not need to feel guilty for not wanting to slap on a “happy face” and pretend to be someone you are not.
There is nothing wrong with you in my opinion. There is a simple reason why you don’t enjoy being around other people so much. The reason is that you have been to this planet many times before and basically you have “been here done this,” as it were.
Okay, so you don’t feel like being around your fellow humans. What to do? Tell yourself this, “it is okay that I don’t want to engage with others.” Then tell yourself, “I love myself just the way I am and now see the beauty in me that I never did.
But instead of judging myself, or thinking there is something wrong with me, from this day forward I promise to allow myself to embrace the freedom of placing myself where I feel comfortable, and free, and at peace.” Continue reading
Give Yourself Permission To Be Happy!
My life would be great if only… I had more money… he would come back to me.. I can find a better job… I can reach my goal weight.
How many times have you heard such statements? How many times have you told yourself something like this? Is it truly the answer to lasting happiness? What if there was a way to train your brain to accept life and live your best in the meantime?
As a hypnotherapist, my experience has been that when any suggestion is put into the mind, the subconscious will accept the information, whether it is true or false.
Whatever a person chooses to tell themselves enough times becomes their truth. The information becomes a habit to believe the suggestion. Some habits are good and some not so good. A bad habit needs to be replaced with a good one.
Why not take all the positive steps needed to live your best in the meantime… while waiting for the wishes to come true. There are many ways to retrain the brain, just as there are many ways to travel to a destination.
Some people like the fastest route, while other like the scenic route, in order to see the sights along the way. It doesn’t really matter what route you take. What does matter is that you truly have the belief that you can reach the destination, and allow yourself to enjoy the ride in the meantime.
A Message To Those Who’ve Lost Their Light
The other night, before going to bed, I quietly spoke to my deceased grandfather. I asked him to help me find the right words. Something to bring hope and comfort to so many of my clients who’ve been feeling lost, weighed down, or tired of carrying their pain.
I asked him, “Please, Grandpa, show me what to say. Help me give them what their hearts need most.”
That night, I dreamed. But it wasn’t just a dream. It was a visitation. The air around me grew still and was filled with a golden glow that felt like peace and love. From that light, my grandfather appeared.
He didn’t look the way I remembered him from his later years, but he looked strong, bright, and full of calm energy. His eyes held the same gentle understanding he always had, but it was deeper, almost eternal.
He smiled and said softly, “I heard you. I’m here.”
Then he said, “If there’s a dream or passion that still burns inside you, don’t let it fade. That spark within you was placed there by something greater than yourself. Even when the world feels dark, your light hasn’t gone out. It’s only waiting for you to rise again.”
He looked at me, and I could feel the weight of his words, as if they were wrapped in love.
“Don’t let anyone steal your sparkle,” he said. “There will always be voices that doubt you or make you question your worth, but their disbelief can’t touch what’s divine within you. The light in your spirit is stronger than their shadows.”
Keep Shining Bright In A Darkening World
There’s an old children’s song that says, “This little light of mine, I’m gonna let it shine.” Many of us sang it when we were young, never realizing how profound those simple words really are.
As we grow up, we begin to understand that the “light” inside us isn’t just a sweet metaphor. It’s our spirit, our energy, our vibration, our soul essence. It’s who we are at the core.
And in a world that often feels heavy with noise, comparison, and negativity, protecting that inner light and letting it shine anyway, becomes one of the most courageous things we can do.
Each of us carries a unique vibration. Some people move through life weighed down by fear, anger, jealousy, or pain: energies that keep them operating on lower frequencies. Others radiate higher vibrations: love, joy, compassion, and creativity.
You can feel the difference when folks like that enter a room. They don’t need to say a word. Their presence alone speaks volumes. Their light softens the atmosphere and uplifts everyone around them.
But here’s a hard truth that many bright souls learn the hard way: light attracts attention, and not all of it is good and kind.
Those who shine brightly are also unwelcome mirrors to some. Their energy reflects back to others what still needs healing. And for some, that reflection can be very uncomfortable. Continue reading
Learning To Say Yes To Yourself
It is in the empath’s nature to say ‘yes’ to just about anything requested of them. It goes against our grain. For some of us, saying ‘no’ also brings on fears of rejection, abandonment or letting someone down when it may be important to support them.
Rather than finding an excuse, or simply telling the truth, many of us give in and just go along. It just feels easier in the moment, and even validating or satisfying.
But when you end that phone call, or respond to another text, and you feel anxious and panicked, while you start going over all the other things that will have to fall to the wayside by saying yes, then you really are saying no to yourself.
Self-care requires that we sometimes say no to others, in order to say yes to our own well-being and peace of mind. Consequently, the person that you said yes to won’t be getting the best of you. If you have said yes at your own expense, then what you bring to the table for that person is stress and anxiety. Your best self will not be fully present.
Saying yes, when you really want to say no, can also lead to resentment that you then attach to the person who asked for your assistance.
Here the responsibility lies with ourselves. We teach people how to treat us and many times we don’t give others enough credit for understanding when we say no. Most people would rather hear. “No thanks, that time doesn’t work for me” or “I have other commitments,” instead of having to sense a half-hearted or less than enthusiastic yes.
Reclaiming The Voice Of Your Inner Child
I always sing with my yoga students at the end of class. I used to work in the entertainment industry as a singer, dancer, and actress. Because of that, I feel confident singing in front of people.
Growing up, I was always full of joy despite my dysfunctional and rather glum family. Of course, they didn’t appreciate my natural exuberance. They certainly didn’t like that I sang all the time because it represented a lightness of being they had long since given up on.
Like many dysfunctional families, they put me down all the time. They told me that I couldn’t sing and that I sounded awful. But, as with all the other negative, hurtful things they tried to convince me of, I did not believe them.
I kept singing anyway, which irked them. I continued to sing and dance, and I even wrote, produced, directed, and starred in my own musical when I was eleven.
Now I’m not saying I had a good voice as a kid. I really don’t know if I did. But, loving to sing, some voice lessons and lots of joy certainly helped me become a relatively good singer.
One day, after my yoga class, a student came up to me and told me I had a beautiful voice. I thanked her. I often have people compliment my singing voice after class.
The student then told me her family told her she had a bad singing voice when she was a child so she stopped singing. She then mentioned other abuses she received by her cruel family.
The Magicless Misery Of ‘Compare And Despair’
I once attended a Toastmasters meeting where a gentleman was delivering his first speech to this specific group. It was an ice breaker to have us get acquainted with him. Instead of the typical short autobiographical introduction this speaker chose to give us an overview of his philosophy of life.
He told his audience that he sees himself entering a new phase of his life right now. He spoke about how important it is to get to know yourself and to take care of yourself first and foremost, and to always live in the moment.
After the speech and applause, the toastmaster reflected briefly on what the talk meant to him as he had listened. He said it reminded him of a mentor who had once, many years ago, said to him, “Compare… and despair”. If in life you are constantly comparing yourself to others, or comparing what you have with what others have, or what you feel you lack, or need to achieve, then all that will do is bring yourself unnecessary despair.
The only thing you should ever compare yourself against, his mentor added, is yesterday. Today did you do something constructive or grow in some way that makes you a better person than you were yesterday?
Too often we compare ourselves with our peers, both in our personal and professional lives. Why did he get a raise and not me? Why can I not find a soulmate like she did? Why can’t I be a successful entrepreneur like him? How come they get to have all these wonderful vacations?