mental health
Healing From A Relationship Break-Up
Breaking up with someone can be one of the most difficult experiences in life, especially when it is a long and deeply meaningful relationship. It can feel impossible to see any future without that person and very difficult to move on and find joy in life again.
I find many of my clients do not realize that dealing with a break-up or divorce is very similar to processing the bereavement and grief associated with the passing of a loved one. It is often accompanied by agonizing sorrow, intense feelings of despair, and an all-encompassing sense of loss and confusion.
According to clinical psychologist Dr. Tricia Wolanin it is actually “the death of a relationship, hopes and dreams for the future. The person we are losing was a big part of our world and therefore has taken up so much of our mental and heart space.”
It is however possible to recover, heal and move on after any breakup or divorce. In my work I have found the following strategies to be helpful for clients who go through this kind of life challenge.
Avoid Major Life Decisions
It is usually not a good idea to make any important life decisions if you are working through the aftermath of a breakup. This includes changing your job or career, relocating, or making other drastic changes to your life. It is vital to take some time to heal and reflect on the situation before making hasty life-changing decisions that you may later live to regret.
The Spiritual Wisdom Of Solitude
In the age of digital ‘connection,’ we are becoming more socially disconnected than ever before in human history. In fact, loneliness has become a secret epidemic profoundly affecting many people all over the world. A 2022 study of the prevalence of loneliness across 113 countries found that “problematic levels of loneliness are experienced by a substantial proportion of the population in many countries.”
There is strong evidence that loneliness or social isolation is a serious health risk that increases premature death from all causes, similar to smoking, obesity, and lack of exercise. It is also specifically linked to higher rates of heart failure, dementia, depression, anxiety, and suicide.
Loneliness must however not be confused with solitude, which is in fact a powerful aspect of spiritual practice that has been practiced since the dawn of time.
Loneliness is the feeling of being alone and isolated, regardless the amount of social contact. In other words, social isolation can cause a sense of loneliness in some of us, but we can also feel intensely lonely without being socially isolated. One can feel lonely even when there are many people present in our life.
Solitude, on the other hand, is the conscious choice to be alone, usually for the purpose of personal reflection, recharging one’s energy, spiritual contemplation, or simply enjoyment of your own company. It’s about purposely choosing to be present with yourself, rather than the lack of social connection.
A Message From Grandmother Moon
The Moon is traditionally revered as a beloved relative by the Anishinaabe peoples, a large group of culturally-related indigenous people in the United States and Canada. She is known as Nookomis, or ‘My Grandmother.’ Throughout the ages the elders of Ojibwe, one of the largest tribes of the Anishinaabe, shared with younger generations the creation story of their people.
The legend begins with Manitou, the Great Spirit, who created the Universe by dreaming it into existence. Manitou then decided he wanted to create a special creature like himself who could also dream, imagine and create. But he could not accomplish this on his own. He needed the help of the divine feminine energy of Geezhigo-Quae, the Sky Woman.
So, he ascended to her in the sky and asked her to be the mother of his children. She agreed and came down to earth to give birth to twins on the back of a Great Turtle. She named the boy and the girl ‘Anishinaabe,’ meaning ‘human’ or ‘person’ born from the mind of the Creator.
Before she returned to her home in the sky, Manitou gave her a new name: Nookomis, the Great Mother of the Anishinaabe. Grandmother Moon now lives in the sky world as a nurturing, protective energy watching over her many grandchildren by providing light and reassurance in the darkest of nights.
During my meditation today, I received a message from Grandmother Moon, which I am to carry forward myself this year and share with others who also wish to embrace her guidance. The message I am to share is simply this:
The Simple Miracle Cure For Stress
While I was meditating the other day, the voice of an ancestor came to me. It was the spirit of a relative I had personally known when she was in this life. She said, “Why don’t you just rest a little bit honey? Everything is always easier and better after you take a day or two to just rest and recover.”
I cannot say I was surprised by this unusual visitation message. I had indeed been dealing with a lot of stress lately, and I tend to forget that what I really need to do sometimes is to simply stop. Just stop doing whatever it is I feel I have to do. I often do tend to take on more than I am actually required to, and then make matters worse by stressing about it. It’s a free will kind of deal.
My ancestor was right. A timeout would empower me to cope much better and see things in a different perspective. The truth is most of the recent stress in my life is caused by my thinking. It is mostly in my mind and not based in reality.
So, I decided to follow her advice and take a few days off. I turned off my negative thought process, stopped working for a few days, and found constructive ways to clear my mind and relax. I took out a library book to read for entertainment and enjoyment; played with my cats; cooked some delicious comfort food; meditated in the garden, slept late, and allowed myself to just simply enjoy some proper ‘me time.’
Well, it certainly worked like a charm! After just a few days, I felt invigorated, recharged, empowered, and in a much better state of mind. I now realize I had been depleted of energy and especially not getting enough sleep.
Cleansing Rituals Are A Vital Spiritual Practice
Energy cleansing should be a key component in our regular spiritual practice. To achieve and maintain a state of higher consciousness and enhanced spiritual awareness, we must constantly aim to purify and rebalance ourselves mind, body and soul.
Purification rituals are traditionally practiced in many world religions and various spiritual traditions embrace tangible cleansing rituals as a way of communing with and manifesting the Divine energy. Water-based rituals of purification are practiced, for example, in the Baháʼí faith, Christianity, Hinduism, Indigenous American religion, traditional African spirituality, Islam, Judaism, Mandaeism, Neopaganism, Shinto, Western esotericism, and Wicca.
It is no accident that animals also clean themselves regularly by grooming their fur or feathers. Nature instinctively understands that ‘cleanliness is next to godliness.’ Mother Nature also cleanses herself throughout the year with changes in the weather and the succession of the seasons.
I’ve never been much or a ritual or ceremony person myself, but I have come to embrace the need for a regular energy cleansing routine as I have grown in my own spiritual and psychic awareness.
For many years now, one of my go-to rituals is a simple spiritual cleansing bath with Epsom salt. I find it is a wonderful practice to realign my energy flow and restore inner peace and harmony. Nothing beats a proper ‘soul detox’ every few days.
Another practice I’ve adopted of late is chakra candle work. I often use these scented candles to jumpstart a client’s cleansing process, or cleanse and rebalance my own energy. The candle for each chakra is infused with its own combination of essential oils. The heart chakra candle is my personal favorite. It’s laced with sandalwood, jasmine, and rose essential oils and really packs a punch!
Focus On Your Own Karma
I often get questions about karma, vengeance, and divine justice from clients when I do readings. Will the haters get what’s coming to them? Will karma finally get my cheating ex? Will my abusive employer get his comeuppance someday? If so, how long will it take for them to feel the hurt and pain they inflicted on me?
When someone calls me hoping to hear that the other person will get their ‘karma,’ it usually relates to a recent incident and they feel like the rug has been pulled from under them – especially when the attack or betrayal was seemingly unfounded. They usually hope for immediate, soul-crushing retribution!
In my own life, I have not experienced such ‘instant karma.’ In fact, true karmic debt is a very slow turning wheel. Expecting immediate payback is a lost cause and a foolish pursuit. Revenge is sweet, they say, but the spiritual truth is that seeking venegeance will only add to your own karmic debt. If someone has hurt or wronged us, the pain will ease over time. Time heals all wounds, even if the scars remain.
The only meaningful ‘payback’ I have ever experienced in my own life, was the times when I received apologies from loved ones on the other side in mediumship readings. Those messages all came from the souls of family members who have completed their life review after their transition. Once we cross over into the spirit realm, we always get new clarity and an expanded understanding of our actions, or lack thereof, and how it has caused harm to others. For some souls this process takes much longer than for others.
This happened to me on several occasions over the years, with various mediums relaying spirit messages of remorse, apologies, and loved ones asking for my forgiveness. In every instance the ‘perpetrator’ had no idea of the impact they had had on me while they were in this life. Some of them also explained that their hurtful actions were due to a learned dysfunctional behaviors and trauma from their own life experiences, especially from childhood.
Mystical Messages From The Rainbow Spectrum
On a recent countryside walk the most beautiful, arc-shaped rainbow appeared across the valley. There was something extraordinary about this particular rainbow, because it brought back fond memories of beloved pets who recently crossed over Rainbow Bridge, as well as departed loved ones whom I have lost over the years.
When I got back home, I felt prompted to honor the memory of all the animals who have been a part of my life over the years. They have mainly been rescues, except for a few, as well as animals I had formed a bond with through their owners, and also dogs I have sponsored in different parts of the world.
The colors of the rainbow convey profound spirit messages from the souls of pets and people who have crossed over. It is of mystical significance for me. A beautiful rainbow after many hours, or even days of rain truly is a joy to behold. It inspires hope, optimism, and child-like happiness, particularly if one has been going through a doubtful, or even despairing time in your life.
In modern yogic, energy healing, and other new age spiritual practices the colors of the rainbow spectrum have become associated with the colors of the seven primary chakras. This concept was first introduced in the 1970’s by spiritual author Christopher Hills in his groundbreaking book Nuclear Evolution: Discovery of the Rainbow Body.
I recall one of my many mentors saying during an Aura-Soma® course, “You are all rainbows.” Aura-Soma is a divination and color therapy system based on the color spectrum. It was devised by British pharmacist and chiropodist Vicky Wall to harness the vibrational energies of nature for improved well-being and vitality.