codependency
The Empath’s Guide To Toxic Friendships
Our friends are a beautiful and enriching part of our lives. In some cases, they even become our chosen family through the bonds of mutual caring and shared life experiences.
Healthy friendships are built on a foundation of balance. They’re marked by mutual support, trust, loyalty, acceptance, and honesty, all with a touch of compassion. But for the empath or highly sensitive person, friendships can sometimes be a bit of a rollercoaster.
We might feel like we’re always giving and giving, and sometimes we might even feel drained. It can be hard to know when to draw the line with someone who might be taking advantage of our energy.
Friendships can be so many different things, and it’s important to remember that not all of them are the same. They range from casual acquaintances to deep, intimate bonds we form with those we call our “besties.”
It’s so important to have a close friend you can trust with your most private fears, dreams, and vulnerabilities. But, sadly, this isn’t always the reality. If you’re the kind of person who is sensitive to the feelings of others, you know how hard it can be when you’re betrayed or disappointed by someone close to you. It can feel like the saying “keep your enemies close” is true in these situations.
Some of us are more outgoing and have a large social circle, while others are more introverted and have a small social circle. Empaths can fall into either category. Regardless of which category an empath falls into, it is wise for us to exercise discernment.
Tell-Tale Signs You Are Being Gaslighted
You’re crazy, that never happened. Don’t be so sensitive. I’ve never had this problem with anyone else but you. It was never my idea, it was yours! Come on, you’re imagining things. Everyone else agrees, except you. You’re just making things up.
These are just some of the things you might hear when someone is gaslighting you. It usually happens whenever you confront them about their bad behavior, only to have your reality twisted in return…in ways that can really make your head spin!
Gaslighting is a form of psychological abuse that most often shows up in toxic romantic relationships, but it can also manifest in dynamics with friends, coworkers, employers, family members, and even neighbors and landlords.
At its core, gaslighting is the manipulation of your sense of reality, leaving you confused, anxious, and doubting yourself and your own perceptions. Sometimes it’s very obvious and unmistakable. Other times, it happens so subtly you may not even realize you’re being manipulated.
The term “gaslighting” comes from the 1938 stage play Gas Light, which was later made into the 1944 film of the same name.
In the story, a husband tricks his wealthy wife into thinking she’s going crazy by making small changes to their surroundings, like dimming the gas lights, and then denying that anything has changed. His goal is to make her doubt her own sanity, so he could have her committed to a mental institution and gain control of her inheritance.
How She Found Her Way Back
Not every psychic reading begins in light. Some start in silence — the kind that weighs heavy in the heart.
When she first reached out to me, her question was brief, but the energy spoke volumes. There was pain behind her words, and she barely dared to ask: “Am I still in here somewhere?”
She had been in a relationship that, at first, felt exciting—perhaps even fated. “He swept me off my feet,” she once said. “I thought he saw me.”
And maybe he did, in the beginning — just enough to mirror back what she most longed to believe about herself. That she was worthy. That she was seen. That she was loved. But what unfolded was far from love.
The charm that once made her feel chosen gradually twisted into control, criticism, and a subtle erosion of her spirit. What looked like affection became possessiveness. What felt like closeness became confinement.
She had once been a vibrant, creative soul bursting with ideas and dreams.
But as time passed, she began to disappear. “I used to feel like a magical flame,” she confessed. “Now, I’m no more than a tiny heap of ashes under his tyranny.” Her sparkle had dulled. Her job unraveled. Her friendships faded.
But then she called me on Psychic Access and the runes reminded her that the embers of her true self and soul essence were still burning.
We Can’t Always Rescue The Ones We Love
A topic that often comes up in psychic readings is the client’s concern for someone they love – a child, significant other, sibling, close friend, or even a co-worker.
The problem? Usually the person has chosen a path that is confusing, destructive, or even life-threatening: substance abuse, toxic relationships, unwise career moves, or a lifestyle that just doesn’t make sense to the onlooker.
If you’re nodding your head right now about someone in your own family or circle of friends, you’re not alone. We’ve all been there – watching someone we love make free will choices that, from our perspective, can only lead to pain, loss, or utter disaster.
Maybe they have moved in with someone who is controlling and abusive, or they dropped out of college to move across the country and get married to someone they hardly know. Or maybe they are determined to put their life savings into a shady Ponzi scheme. Maybe they keep repeating choices and patterns that seem so clearly wrong for them.
Maybe you’ve seen the red flags from day one, and your heart is already aching with a kind of spiritual déjà vu…because you know what’s coming. And yet…you feel powerless to stop it.
This is where spiritual teachings can offer both comfort and perspective. According to many wisdom traditions, it’s often the most painful, confusing, or seemingly misguided paths that lead to the greatest soul growth. Sometimes a person must walk through fire or descend into darkness to find their light. And as difficult as that is to witness, it may very well be part of their soul plan.
The Curious Case Of The Eavesdropping Medium
I had a good laugh with a friend the other day as we reminisced about an odd encounter the two of us had with a psychic medium many years ago (which she has teased me endlessly about ever since).
We had inadvertently arrived an hour early for a mediumship demonstration by an amazingly gifted medium (according to my friend). Not having much else to do, we decided to grab a bite to eat at the venue’s snack bar before the event began.
Soon we were deep in conversation, enthusiastically discussing spiritualism and mediumship. A few tables away sat a mysterious dark-haired lady who made me feel a little uneasy. I suspected that she might be listening to our conversation.
The hour passed quickly and then the event began. To my surprise and confusion, the dark-haired woman from earlier stood up, greeted everyone, and introduced herself to the gathering. The ‘eavesdropper’ was the medium!
Then she suddenly looked around and said, “Right, who is Lucinda?”
My friend was very pleased with this remarkable development. “See, I told you — she’s the real deal!” she whispered with great excitement.
“No, she’s not,” I hastily whispered back, “she heard my name earlier in the snack bar…when you asked me what I wanted to drink!”
Cutting The Toxic Cords That Bind Us
In every relationship – romantic, platonic, professional – there is a metaphysical cord of attachment that exhanges energy from one person to the other.
These energy cords can be thought of as WiFi signals, electrical circuits, or even surgical tubes that transfer mental, emotional, and spiritual energies between individuals. They are the invisible ties of love that keep us connected to our loved ones.
I remember reading an article years ago about the intense grief of famous American singer Dean Martin after the tragic death of his eldest son. His boy was a fighter pilot in the California Air National Guard and lost his life in a plane crash during a training flight in 1987.
Martin described the loss as feeling as if his “heart had been ripped out.” This vivid description is a testament to the reality of these ties that bind us. The intense pain the singer felt was essentially his heart chakra feeling ‘broken.’ The loss had a profound impact on the remainder of his life and career.
The concept of these cords may seem abstract, but their effects are very tangible. They are not just symbolic; they are very real and have a profound effect on our physical, emotional, mental, and spiritual well-being on a daily basis.
When we engage in any kind of relationship with someone, these energetic cords extend from our chakras, or energy centers, to those of the other person. While these soul-to-soul cords feed us with all the good energies that come from being connected to others, such as love, nurturing, and belonging, they can also have the opposite effect.
What To Do When A Lost Love Lingers
Many of the readings I do are about love and relationships, and a good percentage of them are about past relationships that continue to linger in the hearts and minds of some callers.
For some people there are often constant, even obsessive thoughts about a former partner, a longing for a second chance, or bitterness and regret for time and energy that now seems wasted. The longer and more intense the relationship, the more battle scars and wounds there often are.
If it was a soulmate or twinflame connection, the aftermath can be especially devastating. The relationship has ended and the connection has been severed in this lifetime. This can be very painful. You know you gave it your all. You hung in there for years, or you made heroic efforts to ensure the survival of the relationship, but it did not work out as you had hoped.
If you are highly sensitive and intuitively aware, you may still be picking up the energy of your former partner, which can be very painful, disturbing and disruptive. Unresolved energetic connections can keep you stuck in a repetitive cycle of repeating the same pattern with that person, or put you on hold, unable to move forward in peace and confidence.
I am often asked, “Is it really over?” or “Does he still have feelings for me?” Of course, the answer depends on the unique circumstances.