shadow self
Why Love Feels More Confusing Than Ever
Dating these days can feel like a full-time job — or a rollercoaster with no seatbelt. We swipe, like, text, ghost, reconnect… and repeat. It’s a fast-moving loop that can leave even the most grounded person’s head spinning.
Romance in the modern world is a strange mix of digital ease and emotional complexity. On one hand, dating apps offer endless possibilities.
On the other, they often leave us with decision fatigue and shallow interactions. You are connecting with more people than ever, yet feeling lonelier than ever!
Add to that a swirl of AI algorithms, shifting social norms, and sky-high expectations, and suddenly, dating feels less like magic and more like math.
Real emotional intimacy can seem like a rare treasure buried under surface-level chats and half-hearted DMs.
Everyone wants real love — but many of us are scared to be vulnerable, hesitant to trust, and reluctant to settle.
Social media doesn’t help much either. It often paints an idealized picture of love, all curated insta selfies and perfect dates. But what we don’t get to see are the quiet struggles, the messy growth, and the courage it takes to stay present and open-hearted.
And yet, despite all this noise, our hearts keeps searching — for that spark, that meaninful connection, that sense of being seen by someone who truly gets you.
Embracing The Shadow Within
When I first began to intentionally and consciously walk a spiritual path, I remember doing so because it just felt so right. Every step I took toward ‘enlightenment’ in this lifetime seemed to bring more brightness into my life, and so many more blessings.
In those early days I was really rolling! I was expecting this to be an easy ride – all joy and light and love. It was wonderful.
What I hadn’t expected was the inevitable emergence of my shadow through as a result of all my spiritual work. And it was not something I was going to be comfortable with – admitting I had places of darkness within me, unloved aspects of myself, disowned pieces of my soul which had been abandoned and in such pain.
Through a series of, what seemed like, unfortunate events, I was given opportunities to face my shadow side. Challenges in relationships with friends and loved ones arose. I couldn’t understand it at first, and felt very alone and misunderstood. I was shifting the blame for this onto the people around me, instead of going inward.
Going inward, into the light, was totally okay, but going inward into the darkness was terrifying. My ego-self raised every defense to keep me from going there. Eventually, I could avoid it no longer.
My life at this point had endured tremendous change in the course of only a few years- so much so, that the entire landscape of my existence and the people in it were now different. While many of the changes were positive, the magnitude of the differences between my ‘old life’ and my ‘new life’ forced me into robust self-reflection.
Feeding The ‘Good Wolf’ Changes Everything!
Since childhood, I have been fascinated by parables, folk tales and fables. I realized at a young age that there is something truly inspiring about a story that not only entertains, but carries a deeper message or spiritual lesson and speaks directly to the heart.
This love of meaningful stories hasn’t diminished over time. I still find myself drawn to stories that offer wisdom, healing, and perspective.
A few years ago, I came across a beautiful Cherokee story — one that spoke volumes to me and offers guidance to many of us as we navigate the emotional terrain of modern life.
The story goes that a young Cherokee boy found himself in a dispute with a friend. The boy felt that his friend had treated him unfairly. Hurt, and burning with anger, he stormed off to find his grandfather, a revered elder of their tribe who was known for his wisdom.
Sitting with his wise grandfather, the boy poured out his frustration, sharing the injustice he felt and the fire of anger that burned within him.
The old man listened patiently, his eyes pensve and kind. Then, with a nod, he spoke:
“I too have felt great anger at those who have taken from me what was not theirs or who have treated me unjustly. But anger wears on the soul like fire on dry grass. It consumes you if you are not careful.”
He paused, then continued, “You see, it is as if two wolves are fighting within me. One is full of anger, envy, sorrow, regret, greed, arrogance, self-pity, guilt, resentment, lies, false pride, superiority, and ego. This is the evil wolf. He lashes out, trusts no one, and isolates himself from the world.”
Releasing Resistance Transforms Your Life
Many years ago I traveled to Sedona, Arizona to attend a teacher training program for The Sedona Method. Little did I know that I was about to discover one of the most important keys to a happy and fulfilling life.
I soon found myself in a conference room filled with psychiatrists, psychologists, and doctors from all over the world. I was a young mother and an novice psychic reader. I didn’t feel on the same professional level as the doctors and behavioral health professionals in the room. I felt intimidated, uncomfortable, and wanted nothing more than to go home.
But within the first few days of training, my worst nightmare came true. The trainer asked me to come to the front of the room and stand facing everyone.
“Oh no,” I thought to myself. “Why in the world did I even come to this class?”
He asked me to demonstrate one of the resistance release techniques he had taught us to a psychiatrist sitting in the front row. My knees were shaking and my heart was racing. But there was no escape, so I decided to just do it. It was a terrifying experience at the time, but it was also one of the best things that ever happened to me!
The Sedona Method is a technique designed to help you release the resistance created by painful or unwanted emotions, allowing you to experience greater personal freedom and well-being. The method involves a series of questions that help you become aware of your feelings and gently encourage you to release them. Resistance is often the cause of suffering in relationships, financial health, career, and all other areas of life.
Karmic Healing: Can You Handle The Truth?
In the famous courtroom drama A Few Good Men, Jack Nicholson’s character, Colonel Jessup, exclaims in an iconic movie moment, “You can’t handle the truth!”
I suspect this scene has become legendary in movie history because it resonates so deeply with most people. On some level, many of us sometimes struggle to face the truth about ourselves and our lives.
Whether it’s difficult memories, unhealed wounds, failed relationships, or unspoken regrets, facing our truth can be challenging, even traumatic or overwhelming.
Yet, from a spiritual perspective, facing and owning our truth is one of the most powerful steps we can take on our path to karmic healing and soul growth.
Our soul journey is a karmic balancing act in which the energy we put out into the world eventually comes back to us. When we hide from our truth – whether through denial, justification or avoidance – we accumulate karmic debt.
Like a heavy boulder that we carrry around, karmic debt hinders our soul growth and spiritual progress. On the other hand, when we consciously choose to face our truth, we release this burden and open ourselves to healing, growth, fulfillment and inner peace.
Denial is our most common response to unpleasant truths. We tend to avoid acknowledging aspects of ourselves that we find unattractive, justify our negative behaviors, and make excuses for our bad choices and failures in order to protect our fragile human egos. However, these “untruths” build up over time. By avoiding them, we create layers of illusion that distance us from who we really are and cloud our understanding of our soul purpose and the divine spark within.
The Essential Spiritual Practice Of Self-Love
The first person each of us is meant to love is ourselves. But somewhere along the way, many of us forget or overlook this essential form of love.
In a world that tends to reward judgment and criticism while valuing perfectionism and material success, many of us become estranged from our own worth and divine essence by falling into these societal patterns of self-judgment and negativity.
To make matters worse, what most people caught in this web of self-criticism do not realize is that unconditional self-love is the very foundation of our soul journey in this lifetime. In fact, it is the essential spiritual practice for a more joyful, deeply meaningful existence and a cornerstone of our spiritual evolution.
We often find ourselves caught up in self-doubt, judgment, and the pursuit of external validation. These patterns hinder our connection to our true essence and limit our ability to radiate divine love and compassion. Embracing unconditional self-love frees us from these limitations and allows us to step into our authentic power.
This journey begins with self-awareness and compassion. By observing our thoughts and feelings without judgment, we can identify the limiting beliefs and negative self-talk that have shaped our perception of ourselves. With gentle understanding, we can release these self-imposed chains and replace them with affirmations of self-worth and acceptance. When we practice self-compassion, we create a safe space for ourselves to heal and grow, embracing our imperfections as part of our unique journey.
How To Embrace Your Shadow Self
Most people tend to shy away from acknowledging their dark or “shadow” side when it comes to spirituality.
In fact, the tendency to avoid the uncomfortable aspects of the self is due in large part to our religious or spiritual background. Throughout history, most traditions have encouraged people to suppress, deny, or transcend their human flaws and shortcomings in favor of higher ideals such as purity, salvation, or enlightenment.
This reluctance to face the shadow within continues to this day, with modern spiritual and metaphysical communities often favoring light, love, and positivity while largely ignoring the messy, difficult, and painful aspects of the human experience.
But by avoiding the shadow within, we deny ourselves the opportunity for a deeper understanding of our soul’s purpose and untapped possibilities for personal and spiritual growth.
According to Carl Jung, the famous Swiss psychiatrist who pioneered the concept of the “shadow” in psychology, “one is not enlightened by imagining figures of light, but by making the darkness conscious.” Enlightenment isn’t about avoiding the shadow. Instead, it’s about facing it and integrating it into our being.
When we face the shadow within, we reclaim parts of ourselves that hold immense power, creativity, and insight. By delving into the deeper truths of our shadow selves, we can unravel the unconscious patterns that dictate our lives, allowing for true healing, transformation, and enlightenment.