We Can’t Always Rescue The Ones We Love

A topic that often comes up in psychic readings is the client’s concern for someone they love – a child, significant other, sibling, close friend, or even a co-worker.

The problem? Usually the person has chosen a path that is confusing, destructive, or even life-threatening: substance abuse, toxic relationships, unwise career moves, or a lifestyle that just doesn’t make sense to the onlooker.

If you’re nodding your head right now about someone in your own family or circle of friends, you’re not alone. We’ve all been there – watching someone we love make free will choices that, from our perspective, can only lead to pain, loss, or utter disaster.

Maybe they have moved in with someone who is controlling and abusive, or they dropped out of college to move across the country and get married to someone they hardly know. Or maybe they are determined to put their life savings into a shady Ponzi scheme. Maybe they keep repeating choices and patterns that seem so clearly wrong for them.

Maybe you’ve seen the red flags from day one, and your heart is already aching with a kind of spiritual déjà vu…because you know what’s coming. And yet…you feel powerless to stop it.

This is where spiritual teachings can offer both comfort and perspective. According to many wisdom traditions, it’s often the most painful, confusing, or seemingly misguided paths that lead to the greatest soul growth. Sometimes a person must walk through fire or descend into darkness to find their light. And as difficult as that is to witness, it may very well be part of their soul plan.

In fact, on a soul level, you may have agreed to walk beside them through that very situation. Yes, even the worst parts. Even the heartbreak. Even the letting go.

No one saves us but ourselves. No one can and no one may. We ourselves must walk the path ~ Buddha

Soul contracts are spiritual agreements made before birth in which souls choose to guide and challenge each other in this lifetime to promote growth and evolution. These agreements can include both joyful and painful experiences – even heartbreak and loss – as they serve as catalysts for deeper self-awareness and soul expansion.

In this context, even the most challenging relationships or situations hold profound meaning as they align with soul purpose. Walking with someone through their struggles or letting go when the time comes can feel heartbreaking on a human level, but it reflects a deeper act of love and commitment on a soul level. These moments remind us of the intricate, interconnected journeys we share and the sacred role we play in each other’s growth, even in the face of pain.

The Soul Path Of Adversity & Hardship

Many wisdom traditions embrace the idea that a soul path of hardship and adversity can lead to profound spiritual growth, personal transformation, or soul evolution. Here are a few examples:

Indigenous traditions: Many indigenous cultures view challenges as rites of passage. Vision quests, for example, involve solitude and fasting in nature, forcing individuals to face their fears and discover their purpose. These experiences are considered essential for personal and spiritual growth.

Paganism: Many pagan traditions honor the cycles of nature and the interplay between light and darkness. The wheel of the year celebrated in Wicca and other neo-pagan paths includes festivals such as Samhain, which marks the descent into winter and encourages reflection on the mysteries of life. Pagan rituals often involve connecting with the elements and embracing the balance between creation and destruction.

Buddhism: Central to Buddhist teachings is the concept of dukkha, or suffering, which arises from attachment and desire. The path to enlightenment involves confronting and transcending this suffering through practices such as mindfulness and meditation. The Buddha’s own journey-from a life of privilege to confronting the realities of sickness, aging, and death-illustrates the transformative power of facing life’s challenges.

Christianity: The crucifixion of Jesus is a powerful symbol of redemption through suffering. Christians believe that enduring trials can lead to spiritual growth and a closer relationship with God. The Apostle Paul wrote, “Suffering produces endurance, endurance produces character, and character produces hope,” underscoring the transformative potential of hardship.

Islam: In Islam, trials and tribulations are seen as tests of faith and opportunities to demonstrate patience and trust in Allah’s wisdom. The Qur’an emphasizes resilience and gratitude, and teaches that believers can find peace even in adversity by submitting to the divine will.

Sufi mysticism: Sufi poets such as Rumi often explore themes of darkness and light, emphasizing that spiritual awakening often requires descending into the depths of one’s soul. Rumi’s famous line, “The wound is the place where the light enters you,” encapsulates the idea that pain can be a gateway to profound insight and connection.

Occultism: Occult traditions such as alchemy and ceremonial magic often seek transformation through experimentation. Alchemy, for example, uses the metaphor of turning lead into gold to represent the purification and enlightenment of the soul. Rituals in occult practices often involve confronting fears or shadow aspects of the self in order to achieve spiritual growth.

Gnosticism: This ancient belief system focuses on attaining gnosis – direct spiritual knowledge – to transcend the material world, which is often seen as flawed or illusory. Gnostics believe that the soul’s journey involves breaking free from the constraints of the physical realm, guided by inner wisdom and divine light. The concept of the pleroma (realm of light) contrasts with the material world, emphasizing the duality between spiritual liberation and earthly struggles.

These teachings all remind us that the path through fire or darkness, while daunting, often leads to greater clarity, resilience, and connection.

By not standing firm and by not exercising tough love, we often cause the figurative ‘death’ of others and sometimes ourselves, our goals, our destiny ~ Deborah Smith Pegues

Spiritual Love Is Also Tough Love

We don’t always want to hear it. It’s natural to want to protect those we love. But the truth is that spiritual love is not always about saving others. It’s about supporting. It’s about holding space. It’s about trusting their soul journey, even when we don’t understand it.

Genuine love, especially on a soul level, isn’t always soft, comforting, or easy – sometimes it can be deeply challenging. Sometimes spiritual love means holding someone accountable, guiding them through their struggles, or even letting them face hardship in order to help them grow. It may mean setting boundaries, speaking difficult truths, or allowing someone to experience failure or pain rather than shielding them from it, all out of a deeper commitment to their growth and well-being.

Soul connections are not just about harmony, they are about transformation, even if the process is sometimes very painful or challenging, and we must sometimes prioritize long-term soul development over short-term comfort.

It’s tempting to swoop in and try to fix things or “bring them to their senses,” for example, if you’re a parent or friend of someone who seems stuck in a self-destructive loop. Maybe they’re struggling with addiction. Maybe they keep choosing the same kind of hurtful relationships. Maybe they push away good advice and surround themselves with chaos. It’s frustrating and heartbreaking!

But often our most powerful act of love is to step back and let their path unfold. For as much as we may think we know what’s best for them, the soul always knows what it came here to learn. And believe it or not, you can learn something just as powerful by not interfering. Sometimes your lesson is to let go, to trust, to give up control. It’s not easy. But it’s necessary. And it can be deeply healing.

Letting go doesn’t mean you stop loving her. It means loving her unconditionally. It means saying, “I am here for you, no matter what you choose. I may not agree with your karmic choices, but I will not abandon you.” That is the kind of love that transforms.

When we don’t allow others to suffer the consequences of their actions we cripple them emotionally. We deprive them of the ability to learn from their mistakes ~ Randi G Fine

Self-Sacrifice vs. Sacred Boundaries

Now let’s flip the script a bit. Have you ever had a parent or loved one who tried to live through you? Maybe they made you feel responsible for their happiness. Maybe they’ve said things like, “I live for you and your success. This may sound sweet at first. But over time, it can feel like a heavy burden-one that stifles your own growth and joy.

We often see this in possessive parents who struggle to let their children grow into independent adults. They may have the best of intentions, but their need for control creates dependency and resentment. Even worse, they may demand that you accommodate their needs, their advice, their lifestyle, without regard for your own boundaries.

And here’s the spiritual truth: You are not responsible for someone else’s emotional fulfillment. Yes, love asks us to care. But it does not ask us to sacrifice ourselves. If we continually sacrifice our own well-being to keep the peace or avoid guilt, we’re not practicing compassion – we’re avoiding growth. Both our own and the other’s.

Sometimes our spiritual lesson is to learn to say “no” to people who overstep. And their lesson may be to learn how to hear “no” without feeling rejected. Boundaries are sacred. They protect not only you, but the integrity of your relationships.

Of course, it’s never easy to enforce boundaries-especially with someone we care about. It can bring up guilt, fear, or even old wounds. But standing in your truth is an act of self-love. And when you say “no” from a place of clarity and compassion, you’re not closing a door-you’re simply drawing a line that says: This is where I begin. This is where I honor myself.

One of the most spiritually responsible things we can do in these situations is to ask ourselves, “What is the highest good for everyone involved here?” This question shifts our focus from control and fear to compassion and wisdom. It reminds us that we are all connected and that each soul is on its own sacred journey, even if we don’t understand it.

So, if you are going through a difficult time with someone you love who is on a path you don’t understand, take a deep breath and remind yourself to trust the process. Hold the space with patience, tolerance, and love. Set boundaries with compassion. And always, always do what you feel is for the highest good of all. For when you act from a place of love, truth and spiritual alignment, you can never go wrong.