self-delusion
Betrayal Blindness And The Family Scapegoat
I have a good friend who was raised by a mother who constantly belittled and talked down to her. She never defended herself, because she grew up believing that she deserved her mother’s abuse, because something was wrong with her causing her to always say and do the wrong things.
Once she graduated high school, she moved out of her mom’s house. Her life became much more peaceful for several years, until she started noticing that her brother was following in their mother’s footsteps by adopting the same kind of toxic, abusive language towards her.
It oddly became evident to her one year at Christmas time, when she gifted him a beautiful, crocheted blanket that she had been working on for many months and he rolled his eyes and made some disparaging remark about it. She then started noticing how pompous, ungrateful, and narcissistic he truly was. Growing up with him, she always assumed he just had bit of an ego or a macho attitude, but now that she had gained life experience and wisdom, she realized he was simply an abusive jerk.
Still, she chose not to criticize or judge him. In fact, she did the opposite, she encouraged his long-suffering partner to stay by his side and continue to support and love him, because she understood that he was also just a product of his upbringing, like herself. Meanwhile, he faithfully continued judging and belittling her. Because that is what he had seen their mother do all his life.
But one day, something inside her finally shifted. She had reached a point of no return and decided to start standing up for herself! Enough already.
Setting Healthy Boundaries With Toxic People
I have often wondered why so many of us tolerate unhealthy, unhappy, and sometimes very dysfunctional relationships with relatives and friends. Too many of us endure the toxic dynamics in our families and friendships, putting up with being the scapegoat, emotional punching bag, financial provider, free therapist, or nanny.
Why is it that many of us tend to keep giving the people in our lives second chances and multiple opportunities to learn and grow, hoping that they will somehow become more considerate, loving, and compassionate?
Meanwhile, we ignore their nasty words, spiteful behaviors, and toxic exchanges. We remain kind, tolerant, and patient. We try to help them lighten up, or connect on a deeper, more caring level. We hope that maybe someday everyone will be happier together and enjoy sharing more love and belonging, instead of dysfunction and drama.
But as the years go by, they continue to disappoint, abuse, and betray us. The loving kindness and mutual support never comes. Try as we might in these toxic situations, the people we love and care about will continue to talk down to us or try to make us feel that we are not good enough. These complicated family and friendship situations can eventually cost us our physical and mental health, our financial security, and our personal accomplishments.
I find this to often be the case with my clients who are gifted, empathic, highly sensitive, and spiritually aware. Some even consider it their purpose or calling in this lifetime. However, while being a wounded healer or earth angel is certainly a noble calling, being a scapegoat or doormat is definitely not! God, Source, Spirit, the Divine wants us to be happy, healthy and safe, and to live our best life.
Embracing Growth Challenges In Your Relationship
At some point in a romantic relationship, we all face challenges that test our connection with our partner or spouse. People disagree, make mistakes, and experience conflict. It’s human nature.
However, it is important to realize that most problems in a developing relationship are often not inherently negative or catastrophic. Instead, they present valuable opportunities for personal growth, healing, and self-discovery.
If you believe that your happiness in a relationship depends on finding the perfect partner, it’s time for a new perspective. The key to a happy relationship is to remove personal barriers one at a time. By doing so, you can fully immerse yourself in love and become a magnet for attracting the right partner into your life.
Consider the following five common issues that many new couples face and how you can learn from them to foster a stronger, more fulfilling connection with your significant other.
The Happiness Myth
Some people go into a new relationship expecting their partner to bring them the complete state of happiness, joy, and fulfillment they have always sought. But others cannot make us happy, joyful, or fulfilled because achieving this is always an inside job. It starts with us.
The True Meaning Of Judgment
Judgment is card 20 in the Tarot’s Major Arcana. Arcana means “hidden things, mysteries,” from the Latin arcanum meaning “a secret, a mystery” and arcanus meaning “secret, hidden, private, concealed.” Arcana are therefore “pieces of mysterious knowledge or information.”
In a standard Tarot deck, there are 21 Major Arcana cards. They define The Fool’s journey (the first card) through life and all of the life lessons we encounter along the way. As one of the final stages in The Fool’s journey, the Judgment card represents having learned sufficient lessons to now awaken from the illusion and limited perceptions.
The most well-known tarot deck is the Rider–Waite. Pamela Coleman Smith, aka “Pixie,” was a British artist who illustrated the deck. She deserves much credit for the brilliant way she captured advanced spiritual concepts in the deck’s artwork.
The Rider–Waite Judgment card depicts three resurrected figures, a woman, man, and child, reaching up to an Archangel overhead blowing a trumpet as a wake-up call. The scene is based on Christian imagery representing the Resurrection and Last Judgment. The flag of St. George hangs from the trumpet, which references 1 Corinthians 15 in The Bible.
The Judgment card reminds us that no matter what our background may be, we can rise up and transcend any trauma or adversity in life, regardless how challenging the situation. We also have the power to see through the illusion of life and wake up to the truth.
A Spiritual Life Must Be An Authentic Life
While attending a spiritual retreat, my friend, who is also a psychic medium, suddenly said, “You see the woman over there?”
“Yes,” I said. “Who is she? Do you know her?”
“I do,” she replied. “She’s a poser.”
Well, I was not familiar with the term ‘poser,’ so I responded, “What are you talking about? What is a poser?”
She then explained that the woman in question claims to have been a working as a psychic medium for 30 years, with lots of credentials and certifications from different organizations. However, my friend was at another convention just the previous year, where she had met this lady. And at the time, she told my friend that she had only recently discovered that she was psychic!
“That, my friend,” she concluded, “is what I call a ‘poser.”
Well, this was a stark reminder for me. In this ‘post-truth era’ we now live in, it seems anyone can claim to be an expert in anything, as long they can talk a good game. Watching the nightly news just last week, there was a report of a ‘doctor’ who finally got caught after he had been practicing medicine for years without the necessary credentials.
The notions of people being ‘posers’ reminds me of what some of my clients have been saying about online dating apps they have tried. There are many posers on all the social media platforms. People lie about their age, profession, relationship status, and so on. Some also use fake profile photos.
Old Baggage Is Not A Badge of Honor
I have successfully worked with many clients over the years who finally found me after they chose to hang onto anger, resentment, bitterness, or self-pity for many years, even decades, to their own detriment. Withe guidance of spirit, I have also helped many people find peace and healing, after they had pushed away everyone in their life away by continuously abusing the patience, compassion and generous support of their friends and family, by burdening them with same, sad story or repetitive dysfunctional behaviors, over and over again.
I have also witnessed the amazing personal growth and miraculous healing of those who were able to let go of the anger and hurts. And I have watched many thrive once they realize that their self-worth and personal power begin outside the comfort zone of their long-standing victim mentality.
I asked spirit for a message today to share with those that are stuck in this way and not moving forward in life. This is what I was given.
Do not dwell upon your pain, do not try to make yourself a martyr in suffering. Stop allowing the things that have hurt you to control where you are in the here and now.
It is time to boldly step up, stand your ground, and say, “I love myself and I am not going to let the past control my life any longer. I am stronger than all that has happened to me. And yes, it hurt me in the moment, but I refuse to drag it with me any longer further, because it prevents me from moving in the direction of my highest good. It poisons my well-being and steals my happiness, and I refuse to allow it any longer.”
To Lie, To Live, To Believe
Our brains are naturally wired to recognize patterns, find connections between seemingly unrelated things, and draw analytical conclusions from our observations. We all use this ability every day without even knowing it.
It is a talent we inherited from our ancient ancestors. Professor Robert C. Barkman explains that “pattern recognition was key to the survival of our Neanderthal ancestors, allowing them to identify poisonous plants, distinguish predator from prey, and interpret celestial events. Today, pattern recognition plays new, but just as important roles in diagnosing diseases, inspiring new ways to safeguard data, and discovering new planets.”
This amazing ability is however seldom mentioned or considered in spiritual and metaphysical circles. But Spirit has over the years guided me towards greater spiritual insight and metaphysical understanding by taking me on interesting journeys of analysis and pattern recognition towards profound insights and relevations.
For example, while meditating during Easter a few weeks ago, my guides took me ‘down a rabbit hole’ on the decisive word believe. The first insight I discovered was that right in the middle of the word ‘believe’ there hides another, more disheartening little word: lie.
Of course, ‘believe’ is a good word. It is the cornerstone to faith and living a spiritually empowered life. But the hidden word ‘lie’ inside it reminds us that we must also have a living faith for it to be authentic and powerful. And, if you drop the letter ‘v’ into ‘lie,’ it becomes the word ‘live.’