relatives
How To Deal With Toxic People
Toxic people can be incredibly difficult to deal with in both personal and professional relationships and can be detrimental to your personal happiness and well-being.
A toxic person is someone whose constant negativity and dysfunctional behavior causes drama in your life and drains you energy whenever they are around. Typical toxic traits include negativity, cynicism, apathy, lack of self-awareness, arrogance, entitlement, self-centeredness, domineering behavior, lack of empathy, being judgmental, dishonesty, anger outbursts, to name only a few.
The most extreme forms of toxicity includes personality disorders like antisocial, borderline, histrionic, and narcissistic personality disorder. A personality disorder is a rigid, deeply characteristic way of thinking, feeling and acting that severely affects the person’s mental well-being, personal relationships and social life.
Toxic people can however be tricky to identify at first, as their dysfunctional traits and behaviors can be very subtle. Some of them are also very good at ‘gaslighting,’ which makes interacting with them even more treacherous.
Gaslighting is a very toxic form of manipulation, game playing, or crazymaking in which you are constantly being misled, confused, lied to, and made to question your own truth and reality. You increasingly feel unsure about the accuracy of your own memories regarding certain events and your personal opinions and perceptions of the world. You may even begin to think that you are to blame for the toxic person’s actions, or that maybe something is very wrong with you, or worse, that you are losing your mind.
Holiday Gift Guide For The Zodiac Signs
You can find the perfect holiday gift for everyone on your list by considering the unique aspects of their astrological sign. Check out the great ideas below to discover the perfect solution for those difficult to shop for loved ones!
Aries
For the Aries people on your list, keep in mind that they love movement! Books, movies, apps or gifts related to cars, travel or the latest exercise trend will get their attention. Since they’re fire signs, you can’t go wrong with candles, incense or fragrances.
Aries also love to read up on the latest news, so consider extending their favorite magazine or streaming subscriptions, or adding a new one to their collection. Pennywise Aries will love a gift certificate to their favorite store, so they can shop for the best deals at all the post-holiday clearance sales.
Taurus
Taurus is the sign of luxury, so consider a gift certificate to their favorite clothing or all-inclusive store or website. In fact, gift certificates for a massage or a favorite restaurant will work too! These earth signs appreciate jewelry, travel and shopping.
Since a Taurus will be the first on the block to own the latest electronics. If you’re going all out, consider a new TV, computer, video game, or cell phone to make their holidays special. For a more practical gift, look for a book, magazine or streaming subscription, or movie about their favorite subject.
The True Power Of Words
What if a change as simple as the words you use could vastly improve your relationships with loved ones? And not just your choice of words, but also the tone and delivery. Healthy, successful relationships require constructive communication and often our relationships fail on our words alone.
Many people fall in love over time purely through conversations they have with each other. Relationships are usually ended with words alone, especially these days when getting unceremoniously dumped via text message is becoming increasingly common. Our choice of words and how we communicate them can evoke waves of joy and happiness, or they can cut like a knife.
We tend to take for granted the people in our lives. We become lazy and complacent and forget to express our gratitude and appreciation for the relationships we have with loved ones. It is vitally important that we adopt better, more spiritual ways to communicate with people who matter to us.
Have you ever stopped to think about the words you use with your loved ones? You most likely speak somewhat differently to total strangers. Or your choice of words is no longer what they used to when you were in love and the relationship was brand new. And how about the words we use when we talk to our children; are we uplifting and encouraging them, or causing them lifelong trauma?
Too often we say things we later wish we can take back. But if we always aim to think before we speak, and seek to choose the very best words, tone, and delivery, then we are much more likely to build the kind of relationships we desire and deserve.
Receiving Spiritual Guidance From Your Ancestors
The ancient tradition of ancestor worship is a powerful, yet often misunderstood spiritual practice. It is typically viewed as a form of idolatry, mainly because of the inaccurate use of the term ‘worship.’
In truth most cultures practicing such rites do not refer to it as ‘ancestor worship.’ The more appropriate terms to use is ‘ancestor reverence’ or ‘ancestor veneration,’ because it is about living descendants paying respect to and seeking the guidance of their loved ones in spirit.
It is a common practice among indigenous people and an integral component of most shamanic traditions. It is not the same as the worship of gods or deities.
In fact, as a spiritual practice it is not much different from looking at old pictures of departed loved ones and rememembering them fondly. We might even tell them how we miss them or share our problems with them. Some of us have even asked them to help us find solutions to problems, or pull a few strings on our behalf from the Other Side.
Although I cannot say I have any special reverence for my ancestors, I do respect them for all the trials and tribulations they experienced while they were in this life. In my ancestral lineage there were courageous prisoner-of-war experiences, the conquering of grievous setbacks and material harships, and even suicides, to mention but a few. Several of my predecessors had truly unique, and even exceptional life stories that still dwell in my cellular memories.
The ancestral technique I use in my spiritual practice is similar to that of the Yoruba people of West Africa. My greatest connection is with my father, and he is the one I communicate with daily in the Yoruba fashion. You can create an altar or sacred space in your home for this purpose.
Soul Circle Family Ties
Children choose their parents and families before they arrive in this world. In spiritual terms there is therefore no difference between a biological child and an adopted child. All souls belong to a soul group or soul circle, no matter what their chosen physical incarnation and human family structure may be.
The soul of an adopted child is just as much part of her family’s original soul circle as that of her sister, who chose instead to be physically born into the same family. They have both been part of their soul circle for eternity, and always will be.
Parents of adopted children, who also have biological children, will tell you that they feel the same spiritual and emotional bond with all their kids. They experience the same levels of attachment, connection, and love with each child. Spiritually aware parents often also report that they feel they have known the souls of both their adopted and biological children in previous lifetimes, or that there was an instant soul recognition the moment they first saw each child.
We choose our earth families, parents, and physical bodies before we are born. Our soul knows before birth the physical traits, capacities, and disabilities our body will have in this lifetime, as well as the talents, gifts, shortcomings, and limitations we will have in our chosen incarnation.
We also decide how we wish to join our chosen human families, including by birth, surrogacy, adoption, and even the blending of families. These choices our souls make are determined by our chosen soul purpose and life path. There are many karmic reasons why soul circle members may prefer adoption, instead of biological birth.
Honor Your True Self Without The Drama
Many of people spend a good portion of their lives trying to be who they think others expect them to be. Although it is important for our own safety and peace of mind to conform and abide by society’s customs and codes of conduct, it is also imperative that we feel free to authentically express ourselves – as long as it is not detrimental to the well-being of others.
These days it can be treacherous to speak your mind or express your true feelings in just about any context, but the most troublesome of places to do this is on social media platforms, where faceless strangers often attack each other mercilessly, and at times for no apparent reason.
Instead of exposing oneself publicly to the vitriol and ill-conceived opinions of random strangers, it is best to be true to ourselves within our personal circle of influence. Being yourself and living and authentic life does not require us to announce our true thoughts and innermost feelings to the entire world.
Of course, expressing your truth to those closest to us can be equally difficult. One key to successfully communicating is to truly listen with respect and consideration to the views of others. Often, we do not really hear what is being said, because we are frantically thinking of our own response to what we assume they are saying.
Actively listening to someone explaining their position can be a real test of patience sometimes, but it usually pays off in the end by way of mutual understanding, conflict resolution, or compromise.
Disagreeing without hostility and aggression is an art in itself. The world we currently live in can be a tinder box at times, with people overreacting to even the smallest perceived slight. We cannot control the beliefs, words and actions of others, but we can certainly manage our own.
Healing The Karmic Patterns Of Ancestral Trauma
Sometimes during meditation, I recall past events and childhood memories that had been long forgotten. A recent vision, for example, took me back to the home I was raised in. But the scene was one I do not remember.
I saw myself as a little girl, around three years old, and members of my mother’s family were visiting us. Everyone was singing and playing instruments together. I saw myself watching them and enjoying the music, but then felt guided to look diagonally upward to another scene happening simultaneously.
In the other scene I saw my ancestors; at least that is what I concurred because they were going back in a line. Behind my great grandmother, who was playing the piano, there were people who I sensed to be her parents, and then her grandparents behind them, and so on.
In that glimpse into the distant past, I observed how the behavioral patterns and family dynamics of our ancestors, some of it dysfunctional and unhealthy, had become the patterns of my family. I also saw how these patterns were passed on to me and how it has shaped the patterns in my life and my own family to this day.
I then invoked the Heavenly Light to wash over all of us: myself and my family, my living relatives, all my ancestors who came before us, as well as all of our future descendants. I prayed that all of the disharmony in my family lineage be healed, and also that any other families and individuals we had disharmonious interactions and relationships with be healed too.
In Hawaiian culture this kind of healing prayer is known as Ho’oponopono. It is an ancient spiritual practice of reconciliation and forgiveness, which in English literally translates to ‘to make right,’ or ‘to make good.’ Ho’oponopono is essentially a personal responsibility and forgiveness prayer or ritual to heal, among other things, feuding families and ancestral trauma. When practiced repeatedly, it is said to balance out karma. I do believe in praying for those who wronged or harmed us, because within their healing we find our own as well.