Left Holding The Bag

One of my clients recently said, “I’m the one left holding the bag.” Have you ever been ‘left holding the bag?’ This is when you are put in a situation where you are unfairly held responsible, because other people fail or refuse to take responsibility.

The expression “left holding the bag” originated in 18^th-century Britain, but at the time it referred to a person being caught with stolen goods, while the rest of their criminal gang escape responsibility.

Many of us are left holding the bag at some point in our life. This is especially true for empaths, healers and highly sensitive people. They are often the scapegoat in their family, or the friend who is taken advantage of, or the coworker who has to pick up the pieces when others neglect their duties.

The solution for this is often found in spiritual self-empowerment, inner child healing, energy shielding, or simply the setting of boundaries. These are challenges I often assist clients with.

A client was about to purchase a bed and breakfast establishment with the support of an investor. When the day came to sign the papers, the investor decided it was just too much to deal with at the time. This left my client ‘holding the bag,’ having to find a new investor.

Another client was abandoned by her siblings when their mother’s mental and physical health suddenly began to deteriorate, and she was left to her own devices having to care for her mom with no assstance or support from the rest of the family.

Some won’t appreciate you, no matter how much you do for them. Release yourself. Go where you’re appreciated and understood ~ Robert Tew

While some people are simply easy targets for being left holding the bag, due to their innate kindness, trusting nature, or heightened sensitivity, I do however find that some people are often their own worst enemy in these situations.

I had a client, for example, who often complained about being “the one who is always left holding the bag.” In every social circle, group or project she joined, she somehow always felt that she is being taken advantage of. “People are only friends with me as long as I’m useful to them,” she said. But she continued to volunteer her time and energy for almost everything that a group or organization may need.

Another client is a wiz with computers and electronics who always gets the job done in half the time it takes other members. He expects others not to get in his way and to just let him get on with it. But then, when they respect his wishes, he feels everyone just quit, and left him to do all the work on his own. In other words, he is left holding a bag of his own making.

I have also worked with many clients over the years who were left holding the ‘emotional bag’ when their spouse or partner betrayed or abandoned their relationship, while some clients are simply left holding the ‘responsibility bag’ for various aspects of their relationship, including finances, childcare, and housekeeping chores.

Life is too short to waste your time on people who don’t respect, appreciate, and value you ~ Roy T. Bennett

If you feel like you are left holding the bag in your relationship, family, circle of friends, or even your community, chances are that indeed you are! Self-empowerment, energetic self-care, and setting boundaries will be vital to ending this pattern.

The first step is to learn to say no. It is never a good idea to randomly say yes to everyone, or volunteer for things that you really do not want to do. Only say yes to the things you really care about, feel called to do, and actually have the time and energy for. If you don’t, others will never respect your boundaries, nor appreciate your contributions.

Furthermore, in marriage and long-term relationships, as well as all financial and business matters, always get the legal paperwork done. Never settle for just a handshake, or “I give you my word.”

In most cases, others can only leave us ‘holding the bag’ if we let them.