victim mentality
Work Through The Fear, Obligation And Guilt (FOG)
Reflecting on my life I have found how many of my early life experiences have subconsciously influenced me, mostly due to a lack of awareness that allowed fear, a sense of obligation and guilt to remain hidden.
These hidden influences mostly come from my formative years and became obstacles I had to repeatedly struggle with in my adult life with regards relationships, career, finances, family and community.
Once I discovered these non-empowering beliefs, it was time for me to get out of the FOG (Fear, Obligation, Guilt). In hindsight, several things I was unaware of in my family’s dynamics, were actually ‘seeds’ hidden beneath the surface that in time sprouted into personal challenges and self-sabotage.
Fear
Fear and insecurity are frequent visitors for many of us in all areas of life. I was constantly focused on the negative and worst-case scenarios. This is because our brain is wired this way for the purpose of survival. Much of it also depends on our upbringing. So, we must recognize this and catch ourselves early on, in order to shift our thoughts and emotions in a positive direction.
We must be cognitive of our behaviors and explore where in our life we have learned these negative, fear-based responses. Fear is a natural part of life, but can easily become a ‘whack-a-mole’ of frustration, anxiety, uncertainty and indecision, always showing up at the most inconvenient times.
Realign Your Spirit This New Year
With the difficult year 2020 finally in our rear-view mirror, it is time to stop for a moment, clear our minds, hearts and spirit, and embrace the hope, happiness, well-being and prosperity that awaits us in the new year. We do not have to carry the pain and chaos of 2020 forward with us.
The first step to achieve this would be to check our alignment body, mind and spirit. Alignment is defined as the “arrangement in a straight line, or in correct or appropriate relative positions,” as well as a “position of agreement or alliance.” Happiness, well-being and abundance becomes blocked for us when we are not in agreement and alliance with our spirit.
Many of us have been in survival mode the past year, instead of in thrive mode. Dramatic changes in our health and wellness, career, business, finances, relationships, family and social life, and our lifestyles in general, can cause our soul energy to go sideways and out of alignment, just like being sideswiped by a car.
If you step off a curb suddenly, fall, twist an ankle, or pull a muscle, it will often put unusual stress on our spine and central nervous system. When the spine is misaligned a myriad of symptoms such as headaches, lower back pain, neck pain and numbness can manifest. Symptoms like these are the body’s way of letting us know something needs to be urgently attended to.
The same holds true for our spiritual well-being. When our energy, mental processes, and emotions begin to run amuck, our spiritual alignment needs to be corrected to regain our balance. Our body, mind and spirit must all be facing the same direction for us to move forward.
Staying in alignment with Spirit enables us to bounce back quickly, stay on course and manifest happiness and prosperity in our lives. Alignment with Spirit is our natural and preferred state, and while we may find ourselves temporarily off for various reasons, we are never too far to come back.
Let It Go Like The Leaves Of Fall
Sitting at my living room’s huge picture window this morning, I saw the trees blowing in the wind outside and the colorful leaves that are slowly turning, before they will finally let go of those branches that they were a part of for so long.
The turn of the season is in full swing outside my window and the morning rain has passed. It is a typical fall day here. You really truly never know what you’re going to get with our weather. People often say the weather here is bipolar! We tend to get all the seasons in one day – summer, fall and sometimes even winter, all in one day!
Earlier it was raining outside – a great time for me to sit quietly and indulge in some deep mediation and chakra balancing. I do this to raise my vibration for the day ahead, which will include the channeling of messages for my clients, courtesy of their spirit guides, ancestors and dearly departed loved ones.
After calibrating my energy centers. I invited my main guide to share with me some general spiritual guidance that may benefit all of my clients today. Is there anything that I need to share with them at this time?
I closed my eyes and went in deep. My guide told me to help heal those who need it at the core level in these difficult times. I am to help them to let go of feelings that they have struggled with since childhood, and to replace it with healing light and invite in new, higher vibrations.
Keeping pent-up emotions is causing much dis-ease these days, and it has been hindering many people who will be approaching me today for help, spirit said. I need to plant seeds of healing in their minds and teach them that they have the power to do it too!
Open-Minded Curiosity Is The Key To A Happy, Healthy Life
A client asked the other day how I keep my immunity up during these challenging times, and if there is anything special one can do to stay mentally healthy. My answer was simple. You simply need to keep an open mind, and have passion for life.
Working with spirit has taught me over the years to live my life wholeheartedly, with daily gratitude, and with an open mind and a healthy curiosity. I am always eager to learn and experience new things. We are not meant to be constantly stuck in a rut, nor spend our lives in mediocre stagnation.
Just the other day, a friend told me that she thought I am the most imaginative and adventurous person she has ever met. I am always so optimistic and upbeat, she said, and she gets energy from me just by spending time with me.
She has also witnessed how positive things happen in my life through my spiritual practices. For example, I use certain crystals, visualizations and affirmations to bring about real change in my life – not only for myself, but also for others.
The more we are open-minded to explore new horizons, and learn new things, the more we allow positive, creative new energies to enter our reality, empowering us to achieve things that we otherwise wouldn’t – especially when we just sit around doing nothing.
What To Believe When You Come Undone
So much of the typical human belief system is actually in direct opposition to the concepts of spiritual law. Let’s take the idiom “Life is too short,” for example. This saying is used to essentially suggest or convince oneself or another that we don’t live long…so just live for the now and just do what’s desirable regardless of the consequences. Well, wrong!
The soul’s journey is quite a long one. We reincarnate through many centuries of lifetimes, until our souls have completely evolved, returning to each new life with lessons to learn based on beliefs, karma and decisions made in our prior lives.
For example, a slave master born might return in his next life as a slave, to face his karma and endure what it’s like to be treated as such, and ultimately understand why it’s wrong. So, in reality, life is ‘too long.’ Every action has a reaction – an energetic effect. Thus, we need to be cognizant and conscientious of all that we say and do in this life, and not just engage or divulge in whatever we please, because of a physically limited life span.
That same theory of misunderstandings and contradictions between spiritual concepts and human beliefs, more detrimentally applies to life struggles and emotional well-being. How many times have you prematurely mourned a relationship…then wound up reuniting with your partner? Or maybe you lost your favorite job and felt hopelessly valueless and depleted, foreseeing eternal darkness, only to find your dream job shortly after? Moments, days, weeks, months, years, where you either take on a defeatist attitude, and suffer, or become a control freak and try to take matters into your own hands. Thinking you are, but not trusting that you are not, the wizard behind the curtain?
Kindness Begins With Greater Self-Care
In a world where you can be anything, be kind. And kindness starts with being kind to yourself. When we are not kind to ourselves, we cannot be kind to others, and others will also be unkind to us! When we are not kind to ourselves we allow that type of behavior, be it from a spouse, sibling, friend, or relative.
So, kindness really starts with us. When we are kind to ourselves, the domino effect is that we are happier, healthier and more energized. When we are not carving out time for self-care, we are not being kind to ourselves, and cannot truly be kind to others.
Sometimes people can be unkind not even realizing it. How is that? Well, by playing the part of the victim, or acting like others are responsible for their happiness or contentment. They make others feel guilty, because they are putting their problems upon others, without realizing that it is often their own self-made issues.
Everyone has free will. We are ultimately where we choose to put ourselves. In the end no one else is to blame. Period.
A vital aspect of self-kindness is to employ healthy boundaries when others make us feel bad, because they are sad and unhappy. When we take better care of ourselves and come in alignment with our soul, body and mind, we can recognize this. You are not put upon this Earth to energetically fill up the cups of others. Learn to say no, and learn to stand up for yourself when others try to take advantage of you. This is one important way of being kind to yourself.
Feeling Like You’re Not Good Enough
Sometimes we put our heart and soul into a relationship, only to get cheated on, or dumped for no reason. The main question that usually comes to mind in this type of situation is, “Why am I not good enough?”
Take a moment and consider the relationships of relatives and friends, who have gone through similar a experience. Some people are able to jump right up and move forward, while others sit and wallow in self-doubt and self-loathing – sometimes for years.
Working with many people over the years, one of the biggest eye openers for me has been that it is typically the partner who is left behind, and then struggles to move forward, who compromised the most in the relationship. They usually gave, and gave, and gave, and didn’t receive much in return. Their needs always took a backseat in the relationship. They would sacrifice more and more, until there was nothing left for them to give, while their partner did not change and simply kept using and abusing them.
If you constantly compromise on what you really want from a relationship, the union will at some point simply disintegrate. The other person is never going to magically become someone different. That person you hoped they would become, after you moved in, or after you gave a little more, or after you married them, or after you had a child with them…never shows up. What you see in someone from the start, is simply who they are.