shadow work
Online Dating Is Seldom The Problem
How does one find that everlasting love so many of us seek? This is the big question. In today’s era of social media and online dating, romance is so very different from the old days, when one would more often meet someone through friends and relatives, or at work. I am not saying that oes not happen anymore, but chances are slim in a new era where more of us are working from home and studies reveal that more than half of adults are experiencing loneliness.
I believe nowadays most people are actually scared to enter the dating scene. Not only does it take one out of your comfort zone, but we have all heard horror stories of people who tried online dating and now feel they will never want to date again. Some people are also adamant that online dating simply does not work.
The truth is quite the opposite however, when one looks at research statistics. For example, in a 2019 study found that meeting online has become the most popular way for couples to connect in the United States.
A 2021 study estimated that about 323 million people worldwide were using dating apps and matchmaking sites to meet new people. A recent survey found that about one in every three people who use these platforms found someone to have a long-term relationship with, and at least 13% of online daters eventually get engaged or married because of using these platforms.
In my experience the dating apps and websites are not the reason why some people fail to meet the right person or have bad experiences with online dating. I have seen time and again in readings I do for clients all over the world that the key elements for dating success are self-love, self-worth, mental health and spiritual awareness.
Are You Stuck In Victim Mode?
We all have had at least one very bad experience in our lives: a twist of fate, a major setback, an intense trauma, a tragic loss. In these moments of extreme adversity, we are usually victims of circumstances beyond our control.
But these challenging life events typically serve a higher purpose. Everything happens for a reason. It is therefore vital that we gather whatever hard-earned wisdom, personal growth or self-empowerment we possibly can from such experiences. If we do not, our suffering would have been in vain.
We can only accomplish this if we get up, dust ourselves off, find resilience within, and courageously begin to move forward.
Sadly, some people tend to become stuck in victim mode long after these experiences. This obviously does not promote their personal growth and well-being, nor does it improve or change their life for better. On the contrary, as long as we remain trapped in a victim mentality, the negative life experience will have served no purpose and the hardship we suffered will have been in vain.
All the challenges, lessons and trials in our life are invitations and opportunities for us to grow and expand. This is true transformation. Easy lives are meaningless lives.
Now, we are sometimes allowed to complain and say ‘life sucks,’ because from at times we also get caught up in the learning and transformation processes of other people. However, we are also allowed to consciously reject that. We are not required to take on the lessons of others.
Being Your Strongest, Most Authentic Self
Many people tend to think that being vulnerable and open is a bad thing, because it makes them vulnerable to getting hurt in life and especially in relationships.
When someone disappoints or hurts us, whether deliberately or inadvertently, it is usually because they have deep wounds of their own that stems from their past, especially for their childhood. These unresolved traumas are often dormant and unconscious.
One might feel this is still no excuse to treat others poorly, or that they should know better. However, because these people typically have not done much inner work or self-healing to really know how to be in loving, happy, and functional relationships. I’m not condoning their bad behavior, but if they actually do not know any better, then how can one expect it from them?
I find people who are stuck in such patterns of hurting others are usually very much defensive and in denial. If you gently suggest what you may need from them, or bring up an aspect that the two of you could work on together to improve the relationship, they tend to instantly throw what you say back in your face and make it all about you. Suddenly, all of it is your fault.
This defensive behavior is a clear signal that this person has a lot of hurt, and is either fearful or unable to work through it. Therefore, if you bring up something that triggers their pain, they immediately see it as a threat. They feel attacked, or that they are being made a scapegoat.
Always Regain Your Karmic Composure
When we lose our composure and get very upset or angry, it is never a dealbreaker for spirit. It is only if we completely give up and do not learn from our transgressions that our guides, angels and loved ones in spirit may raise a ‘disapproving brow.’
If we lost your cool or stepped out of line, the key is to seek out the next right thing to do make amends for our messy indiscretions. Maybe it’s picking up a lost piece of mail in the post office parking lot and placing that into the delivery bin, so that it will find its destination. Or maybe it’s feeding the homeless person who is always sitting outside your local store. Or listening with an empathetic ear to a distant relative who has suffered a lot in their life recently.
Even doing an anonymous prayer or sending healing to someone will always be welcome. Whatever your clearance path is, be sure to untie those etheric karmic cords of your recent negative emotional responses and unkind actions, and make things right!
As a spiritually aware person, I will be the first to admit that I too have my ‘moments.’ If one is still dealing with unhealed trauma, shadow work and the clearing certain energy blockages, it is inevitable that frustration, irritation and anger can happen.
Every day, when I do my Epsom salt baths, I make the best attempt I can to clear such emotional energies, but it remains a work in progress. In fact, it seems like the process will never end.
The Happiness Trinity
When a new year arrives, it is common for us to look back and wish we had done better in the previous year. To make matters worse, the past three years have been exceptionally difficult for all of us. All the more reason for us to now make a determined decision to strive for greater happiness in the coming year. But how does one achieve happiness?
The true nature of happiness has been a topic of debate since the beginning of time. Does anyone really know what true happiness is? There are many opinions, views and theories on the matter, but I believe in the end one’s personal happiness is something only you can truly define or measure for yourself.
With that said, no matter what our personal idea of true happiness might be, it will always require the foundation of three key elements: wellness of body, mind and soul. Without an optimal trinity of physical, mental, and spiritual health, one cannot truly live your best life.
A happy life begins first and foremost with physical health and self-care. Our lifestyle habits define the quality of our life. Constantly indulging in the short-term pleasures of unhealthy lifestyle choices will not ensure a happy life in the long-term. Happy people eat nutritious food, get enough exercise, sleep well, manage their stress levels, and aim to maintain a sensible work-life balance.
A sense of being happy itself is one of the countless emotions we experience in life, and while it’s not possible to always feel happy, we can still choose how we respond to life’s challenges. Choosing to see a difficult situation as an opportunity rather than an obstacle, and choosing faith over fear, are common traits among many accomplished people.
Explore Your Inner Shadows With Your Soul Light
To achieve true spiritual growth, happiness, and fulfillment it is necessary for us to unravel the shadows of our inner being. To know oneself is to recognize both your light and darkness, and to love and accept your entirety. The truly awakened person is not afraid to look at their own flaws, wounds, pain, trauma, and shortcomings. Awakened people boldly face their inner darkness and know themselves deeply.
The key to finding your authentic truth is to unbolt the door to one’s mysterious psychic basement. It’s the courage to honestly question how well your life is going, including the fulfilment of your passion and purpose, the success of your plans and projects, the health and happiness of your relationships and family, and the bravery of your dreams.
True spiritual growth is the search for truth beyond the surface. It is to boldly plunge the depths our being. It is to leap up to our highest peaks and crawl deep into our darkest corners. Because only once we have fully opened the doors of our interior, can we begin to affect change, growth and personal transformation.
By confronting our inner mysteries we acquire freedom, wisdom, and access to a new way of beingness. We become reborn, renewed, empowered. A conscious spiritual warrior in command of our powers, gifts, and capabilities.
But how to achieve this breakthrough? The first step is to welcome, embrace, accept, and cherish the scars and wounds. Then, we investigate its origins, to find the root of what has been influencing our life towards victimhood, self-limitation, self-sabotage, or repeated self-destruction.
Only You Can Heal A Recurring Emotional Injury
We are all negatively impacted at times by certain events or people causing us emotional hurt and trauma.
If this is something that is currently weighing on your mind and you feel emotionally injured or overwhelmed today, then the following strategies may help you to overcome the recent setback you suffered.
Not only can these three steps help you to better deal with your current emotional injury, but it can also bring about lasting positive change in your life.
Step 1: Feeling Through
It is vital to process negative emotions. You should never try to suppress or repress unpleasant feelings. It is important that you allow yourself to fully feel your current emotion. Don’t think or rationalize, just feel.
Let the tears of sadness flow, lean into the fear or anxious feelings, or embrace the anger and disappointed. To process and ultimately resolve these feelings, we must first truly feel them.
However, do not spend too much time in this stage of the process. Truly feeling your negative emotions does not mean you must obsess over it or constantly dwell on it. A few hours, or at most a day or two, then let it go! Do not let it drag on for weeks or months, because this will not heal you and will only have a counterproductive effect. After the one-time ‘feeling through’, it is time to move on to the next stage.