defense mechanisms
Signs Your Partner Might Be Cheating
Is your partner cheating on you? Is your spouse having an affair? Should you believe their version of events? Is there a noticeable change in their behavior or routine? Do you sense a lack of trust or transparency in your relationship?
These types of suspicions can create a wall in relationships that is almost impossible to break down – especially if they turn out to be unfounded. When the fears are true, however, infidelity has the power to completely shatter trust and even destroy a family.
Over the years, I’ve done countless relationship readings for people from all walks of life, and one theme comes up again and again: infidelity.
In these readings, I have noticed certain patterns of behavior that consistently emerge when someone is hiding an affair. These signs aren’t just guesses or speculation-they are recurring clues that I’ve seen confirmed time and time again by the lived experience of my clients.
I don’t claim to have all the answers, but I’ve seen enough to know when something isn’t right. Whether it’s someone’s energy, their words, or the tears they shed when describing what they’ve noticed, these signs often speak louder than the lies people tell.
But knowing the truth is only part of the journey. Once you uncover it, you must be willing to act and not settle for disrespect or dishonesty.
If you’ve been feeling uncomfortable or insecure in your relationship, recognizing these signs early can help bring clarity to your situation and save you a lot of disappointment and heartache. Many of my clients who didn’t take it seriously at the time can vouch for this today.
How To ‘Face Everything And Rise’ (F.E.A.R.)
It’s okay to feel afraid sometimes – some fear responses are a natural and vital part of our built-in self-protection system. Rooted in our primal survival instincts, fear helps us identify and respond to real threats, such as a raging fire or a dangerous wild animal.
Survival fear arises in response to immediate, tangible threats to our safety or well-being. It’s a necessary, life-preserving mechanism based on objective, real-world risks that ensure our survival. By activating the body’s fight-or-flight response, it enables us to act quickly and stay safe.
But not all fears are instinctual, nor do they serve our highest good. Irrational fears arise from societal conditioning, cultural expectations, false beliefs, past traumas, or imagined scenarios. These fears are learned or imagined, not instinctual.
Unlike survival fear, irrational fears reflect internalized doubts, imaginery threats and false narratives that serve no protective function at all. Instead, they just interfere with our personal growth, decision-making, and well-being.
Conditioned fears are typically exaggerated or irrational, existing more in the mind than in reality. Examples include fear of failure, fear of rejection, or fear of not living up to social standards. Self-limiting fears can trap us in cycles of self-doubt and hesitation, limiting our ability to take risks, grow, and live wholeheartedly.
To live our best lives, we must learn to recognize these irrational fears, challenge their validity, and prevent them from taking control of our life and well-being. By stepping back and evaluating the source of our fears, we can release what no longer serves us, reclaim our joy, and unlock our full potential.
Forgiving Yourself Is A Spiritual Necessity
Self-forgiveness is more than just a mental health recommendation – it is a spiritual necessity. It is vital for the spiritually aware person to release guilt, self-blame, and self-criticism, because forgiving oneself is crucial to both personal well-being and spiritual progress. It allows for healing, growth, and the ability to live a more fulfilling and harmonious life.
Failure to forgive ourselves can have profound personal and spiritual side effects. Carrying guilt and self-blame leads to chronic emotional distress and contributes to anxiety, depression, and low self-esteem. Over time, this can manifest itself in physical symptoms such as headaches, fatigue, or even chronic illness.
A lack of self-forgiveness undermines self-worth and hinders personal growth and development. Difficulty forgiving yourself also strains your relationships with others, as it can lead to withdrawal, defensiveness, or projecting negativity onto those around you. Without forgiveness, our negative feelings toward ourselves can fester and damage even our most cherished relationships with our loved ones and friends.
Holding onto guilt and self-blame blocks the flow of positive energy through the chakras and hinders spiritual well-being. For example, guilt often stagnates in the solar plexus chakra, affecting one’s sense of personal power. Self-forgiveness is essential for clearing such blockages in the energy field.
Forgiveness is also essential to achieving inner peace and harmony. Without it, one can experience constant inner turmoil and restlessness. When we hold onto guilt, shame, or self-blame, parts of our spiritual essence or inner divinity are suppressed or disconnected. It causes separation from one’s spiritual path or a sense of disconnection from spirit and the divine.
The Transformative Power Of Vulnerability
I find that spirit wants to remind us that vulnerability offers us a special kind of magic in our lives. It is a theme that comes up regularly in psychic readings I do for my clients.
Vulnerability can transform lives, careers, relationships and families in profound ways. But for many of us, life has taught us that being vulnerable is a ‘weakness’ that puts us at risk.
Many of us have built walls around ourselves to protect ourselves because we feel we risk rejection, judgment, or failure if we allow ourselves to be vulnerable. The ego tells us it’s best not to take those risks at all!
Instead, we harden our hearts and keep our distance, choosing to figure out what others might think, feel or do before we are willing to put ourselves out there in any way.
But by shying away from being open, authentic, and transparent with our thoughts, feelings, hopes, fears, and desires, we actually block the very outcomes in life that we hope for.
So, how do you get more comfortable opening up and allowing yourself to be authentic and vulnerable? And how does that open you up to the very results you want to manifest in your life?
Find The Spiritual Gold Outside Your Comfort Zone
Some people are not ready or strong enough to embrace the truth, nor the unfamiliar. And that’s okay. We are all at different stages in our soul evolution. Energetically we are like magnets that resonate with those who are on the same frequency, and bounce off those who do not share our level of understanding. And that is okay.
The more evolved and sensible we are spiritually, the more open we are to embrace new information and learn from the acquired insight and wisdom of others. The higher our vibration, the less likely we are to overreact with extreme resistance, or become anxious or annoyed when we are confronted with inconvenient new realities.
Resistance and defensiveness stem from the ego. The ego tends to hinder us from being present and truly connecting, learning, growing, and expanding. This ultimately keeps us from evolving spiritually.
I have always been a firm believer that the teacher will appear when the student is ready. Those who are no longer held back by the human ego, are more ready and open to receive new information and explore deeper wisdom on a soul level.
We need not unconditionally agree with everything, but one can always find some ‘gold’ in whatever crosses our path. There is always some nugget of wisdom or insight we can use, even if we choose to discard the rest. There is always something of value that we can add to our toolbox of personal growth and soul expansion. There is always something new to learn or discover.
Being Your Strongest, Most Authentic Self
Many people tend to think that being vulnerable and open is a bad thing, because it makes them vulnerable to getting hurt in life and especially in relationships.
When someone disappoints or hurts us, whether deliberately or inadvertently, it is usually because they have deep wounds of their own that stems from their past, especially for their childhood. These unresolved traumas are often dormant and unconscious.
One might feel this is still no excuse to treat others poorly, or that they should know better. However, because these people typically have not done much inner work or self-healing to really know how to be in loving, happy, and functional relationships. I’m not condoning their bad behavior, but if they actually do not know any better, then how can one expect it from them?
I find people who are stuck in such patterns of hurting others are usually very much defensive and in denial. If you gently suggest what you may need from them, or bring up an aspect that the two of you could work on together to improve the relationship, they tend to instantly throw what you say back in your face and make it all about you. Suddenly, all of it is your fault.
This defensive behavior is a clear signal that this person has a lot of hurt, and is either fearful or unable to work through it. Therefore, if you bring up something that triggers their pain, they immediately see it as a threat. They feel attacked, or that they are being made a scapegoat.
Free Yourself From The Fear Of Rejection
A close friend and college, who is also a psychic medium, had a blind date set up by a friend a while ago. “I think the two of you would hit it off,” the match-making friend promised. Well, my friend and the mystery man initially texted for a couple of weeks and then decided to meet in person.
Due to Covid-19 recommendations at the time, they arranged to meet outside and ended up going for a three hour walk. The date went great! When it was time to part, the gentleman said he hoped they can meet again soon. He clearly seemed to like her a lot.
She agreed as they both seemed to enjoy each other’s company, but on the way home, her old fear of rejection resurfaced. She called me the next day to tell me how it went.
The first thing she said was that he seemed a great person. It was the first time, in a long time, that she had such a good time. But I could sense that something was not quite right. So, I asked her what was the matter?
“I think he is out of my league,” she bluntly said.
“What do you mean,” I exclaimed in surprise.
“Well, he arrived in a brand-new luxury car, while mine is an old jalopy! He is a medical professional, and I just do readings. I am also not smart enough, or pretty enough for a guy like him. My middle-aged body is certainly not what it used to be.