self-realization
The Ghosts Of Regret
As part of my training as a spiritual life coach, our class was asked to do a profound exercise. Our task was to imagine ourselves on our deathbed someday, being visited by a gathering of ghosts. We had to imagine these ‘ghosts’ from our past as being very bitter and angry, because they represented all the things we never achieved or succeeded in, coming back to haunt us. They were the ghosts of our unfulfilled goals and dreams returning to die along with us.
We were asked to then review our life and imagine what we would say to ourselves and our ‘ghosts,’ now that our life is over. What would we advise ourselves to do if we could go back in time, get a second chance, and somehow live our life anew?
For me, this was a very thought-provoking process. The first thought for me was my personal ‘bucket list’ of things I still want to experience in this lifetime. For example, I still want to travel on the Orient Express train with my family; see the view from The Shard (a 72-storey skyscraper in London); fly down The Grand Canyon; and witness the splendor of Niagara Falls.
There are many things I still hope to also do. But why have I not done at least some of it yet? Too busy earning a living? Yes, we all get busy, and most of us need to work. However, does this mean we cannot also lead a fuller life?
The next thought the deathbed exercise brought up for me was a sad memory from a few years ago, when my late brother was receiving rehabilitation treatment at a local hospital. We were very close as siblings. He confided in me one day, while we sat looking out the hospital window and saw a young family walking by, that he often feels intense regret and sadness when he sees people with their kids and grandkids, while he had no offspring of his own.
Transform Your Life One Step At A Time
Knowing when to make that much needed change in your life can be daunting and very confusing. We often feel this need for change when we already have a lot going on. We tend to also overthink things and then feel overwhelmed, or even paralyzed with anxiety or fear.
Once you get into this kind of ‘stuck’ pattern, nothing seems to get done or resolved. No choices or decisions are made. In turn, this causes even more unhappiness, distress, and turmoil in your life. We all have a tendency to get in our own way.
Over the years of working with many clients in this situation, spirit has always made one thing very clear: it always starts with a firm choice or decision. You don’t have to act on it immediately, but it instantly begins to shift your energy in a new direction, or towards a long-term solution.
Indecision, fear, or lack of commitment to a clear vision for the future is first and foremost what keeps many people stuck indefinitely in the stagnant energy loop of an unhappy, unfulfilled life.
Once you have made up your mind about what you intend to achieve or which direction you wish to go, you gain more clarity and become calmer and more grounded to start taking baby steps forward. Then you can begin to resolve the situation one step at a time with spirit’s support.
To get started consider a simple, step-by-step approach to make break the process down into smaller steps that will be less overwhelming and more attainable.
From Fictional Self To Authentic Self
A new concept that seems to be going around a lot lately in the spiritual community is to be your ‘authentic self.’ But what does this really mean? How do you know who your authentic self is? Heck, you may say, “I’m still trying to find out what my life purpose is, never mind who I truly am!”
Well, as a result of our education, our upbringing, our family dynamics, our job, and such, when we are asked the question “who are you,” we resort to answers such as: a mom, a dad, engineer, doctor, janitor. We tend to express our identity by what work we do, what credentials we have, and what society or our community has told us to be. We are bombarded by social, political, environmental and family expectations that can overwhelm us in modern life.
On top of this, the world today seems to be in chaos. There is distrust everywhere, and we have to contend with challenges like identity theft and social peer pressure. Yet, we are now also expected to know our authentic self? “God, help me, I don’t have time to look for that! I have the kids to take care of, work deadlines to keep, dinner and laundry to do, and I urgently need to sign up for an exercise program to reduce my weight!”
It is never ending, you say. Your authentic self is somewhere, you just don’t know where and no time to find it. But that is just the point! All these things we are expected to do are there because of the pressure we put on ourselves. As we look through our colored lenses of self-inflicted expectations and the social pressure we have learned from family or peers, we lose touch with who we really are, and what we truly want.
Healing A Broken Heart
One of the hardest things that we will ever have to do is recover from a broken heart after a relationship break-up. We don’t want to be without the person we love; it hurts to say their name, or to think about them. And sometimes it is hard to even breathe.
When a relationship fails we need to grieve and heal. This is a time to be around people who care about us. The worst thing that we can do is to harden our hearts and build a wall that no one can touch. All that this will do is stop us from growing and learning more about ourselves – to know who we are and learning how to love ourselves again.
We are not to give up on future relationships, because that will not serve us in the long run. We need to be able to feel again, but it takes time. Everyone has to go through their own grieving process because no one really knows just how much you are really hurting. With time you will get there.
So many times we think that the love that we have found is real and everlasting, but true love does not lie, or cheat, or make you feel unwanted. True love makes us feel secure, not insecure.
Sure, we have to work at a good relationship, but when it becomes too much of a tug-and-pull, we have to listen to our gut feelings. Trust your inner guidance and hear what spirit is trying to tell you.
I do not think anything hurts more than being disappointed by the person that you thought would never hurt you. When you are ready to start again, make the decision that you are going to move on, that its time.
Life Lesson From A Resilient Robin
A few days after I saw a robin attempting to build a nest on a neighbor’s balcony in my apartment building, I spotted another robin with a chest covered in mud. I was thrilled, as I knew this meant a little miracle of life was going to happen. And, it did. Three days later, she laid her clutch of tiny blue eggs in a nest built in a perennial shrub, next to the complex entry way where residents come and go all day.
Her strategy for building the nest in such a busy location became apparent two days after she had laid her eggs. A pack of savage crows descended on the nest, tragically cutting her clutch in half. Unlike the other robins, she had built her nest here so that she could potentially depend on human activity for added protection. Sadly, her plan failed.
Crows are one of the most intelligent bird species on the planet. They know and remember their potential enemies and prey. She may have cleverly built her nest here, hoping to avoid them because there are constantly humans around, but keeping crows away can be a real challenge, because of their intelligence and their adaptability. Things that scare them off at first, soon does not bother them anymore.
The crows were however the least of the strategic robin’s problems. After the crow rampage, the landscaping crew came through the property, using a weed whacker on the shrub where her nest was located. I later found her outside. Assuming she was traumatized and stress-foraging, I felt really sad for her. But she stared at me questioningly, then flew into a tree, while I feebly tried to console her. “All your efforts have been in vain,” I sadly thought while looking at her.
Reflections
Sitting on the porch. Rocking. Yes, rocking in my willow rocking chair, surrounded by the smell of petrichor – that delightful odor the earth gifts us with when fresh rain is coming down after a long, dry spell. The aroma of the freshly hung chile ristras greets me in the Santa Fe, New Mexico tradition at this time of year, when the growing season is done and the picking of the season’s ripe offerings has begun. Richness abounds with the aromas of the petrichor and the strung pods of red chile blending in the softness of the evening breeze.
The automatic flood light and the blue laser lights have come on, as they do every day at dusk, to illuminate the waterfall in the garden, although it’s still a bit early for them to shine their brightest. Not quite dark enough yet, but soon it will be. I just fed my precious four-legged fur daughter her dinner. Now that my day is done and another week has gone by, I am contemplating whether or not I have done well this week.
Yes, I believe so! I have learned so much and have grasped many new concepts. I also renewed my awareness of some familiar concepts that were in need of repetition, so I could complete some hard earned lessons. And I found resolution to some newer viewpoints on old issues. Whew! I feel I’ve been turned wrong side out in just one week, only to realize it is the other way around. I was wrong-side-out before. Now I’m right-side-in, or more so at least.
I look up from my musings to see the lights. It is dark now and they’re shining brightly against the dark night sky. The lasers look like blue fireflies as they pinpoint their magical presence. The synchronicity feels deeply significant. At the end of another week, after much breaking down of old thought patterns, I see the flood light and laser lights reflecting the realization that I am different now than last week, or at any time before.
Empaths And Endings
Anger is one of the most difficult emotions for the empath to navigate, and the ending of a relationship is definitely one of the most challenging of all.
Any relationship that falls apart is tough, but if you are an empath you may well find yourself trying to navigate some very overwhelming waters. Not only will you be feeling your own pain, anger and confusion, but you will also sense your partner’s feelings, and possibly even that of your families and mutual friends.
Trying to make sense of all these emotional energies, staying centered and sorting out your own feelings separate from your partner’s is a very tall order.
Chances are you have also been sensing that something had been radically amiss for some time, before your love finally went on the rocks. It is important to take time to look back and remember when you first sensed something was off. Empaths are often aware of their partner’s moods and feelings, and may act on it too prematurely. Pushing too soon can result in the partner shutting down, or insisting that nothing is wrong. The problem is, however, that an empath will feel that something is wrong and will not be able to shake that feeling. You knew something was wrong… and you were right!
It is critical that you shift your focus away from your partner and towards taking care of yourself. Allow your emotions to flow. An empath is always going to be more focused on the other party’s actions, reactions and feelings. You automatically link in to them instead of you. To move through this painful experience you must shift your focus and concentrate on you.