The Pitfalls Of Anger For The Empath
Of all the emotions that empaths experience, the most powerful and potentially destructive feeling is anger. Of course, anger can be destructive to everyone, but for the empath it can be especially potent. The reason for this is that empaths feel first, and react, then think later.
The more intense the emotion the deeper the connection. The initial response for empaths is either to react with equal force to the anger, which often involves a very intense and potentially catastrophic outburst, or for the introverted empath to run or flee the immediate area or person emitting that energy. Many of these highly sensitive souls will burst into tears at what appears to be inappropriate moments for no reason.
Where there is anger, there is always pain underneath ~ Eckhart Tolle
Because it is very common for empaths to be aware of feelings, emotions or situations, before others are aware themselves, anger becomes very complicated. If the other individual is a partner in a romantic relationship, anger can become a land mine. Ditto if it is a co-worker. Partners and co-workers can begin to pull back, attack or avoid altogether. This only fuels the anger that the empath is feeling and increases the stress and anxiety. An empath under extreme stress is like a caged tiger – pacing, miserable and just waiting to pounce, or escape.
Headaches, ulcers, high blood pressure or turned inward depression, insomnia, digestive issues all are possible physical results for the empath who cannot effectively process anger.
When I started doing readings I learned very quickly what unprocessed anger from others can do. Empaths “step into” the feelings of others and regardless of what is being said we will feel what is really going on. Old anger feels very heavy and turns into bitterness or resentment – extremely unpleasant. Fresh pain has a much “hotter” feel to it, much like standing to close to an open flame.
First and foremost, remember that anger is very often at the core about fear. If you as an empath can take a breath and go beyond the surface many times you will feel the shift to fear or pain. The anger is just acting like a shield from fear or further pain. It has no potential to harm you unless you step into its direct path; take it on as your own; or feed it with your own reactions and emotions. Think of it as a fire that requires oxygen to thrive.
Resentment is like taking poison and waiting for the other person to die ~ Malachy McCourt
Empaths are gifted healers and your calm reaction to anger can have a very powerful effect on others, as well as yourself. You as an empath must calm yourself first and the fastest way to do this is to remind yourself that is isn’t coming from you, but through you. This allows you to step back and observe what you are feeling and seeing and cut to the root of it. If it is a romantic partner this is especially important for the empath. Bring the energy of compassion, respect, willingness and love to the forefront. If it is a co-worker then less is more. Your unspoken energy of compassion, peace, respect and calm can quickly calm any angry energy.
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28 Responses to The Pitfalls Of Anger For The Empath
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This is the absolute best description of an Impath, I was born with this gift, after 60+years” I finally have a clear definition and I now accept my gift, this post is a true blessing for me, Namaste
I feel so terrible b/c I just had an anger outburst with my brother. I’m still trying to figure out if I am in the empath category but after my huge blow-up, I was sure that anyone who could act like that, wouldn’t be an empath. Thanks for the article. It applies to all types of people, I think.
It really helps me in particular since I have struggled with this all of my life. My family doesn’t seem to understand me, so I usually keep it bottled up inside. When I do tell them, they don’t see the situation I do and tell me I am over sensitive and dramatic. Why? Because I don’t believe in treating each other badly? Every day the past week, I have cried due to something that my brother has said. But is it really his fault? Or mine for reacting to it? How do you deal with a person who gives you a bad attitude, tells you to shut-up, and deliberately tries to hurt your feelings on a day to day basis? I realize this is toxic, but I cannot leave this living situation right now unfortunately. He is a good, kind-hearted person when he is not resenting me. But when he is, I can’t seem to figure out why, he will not communicate it to me, and we just go around in circles of him verbally attacking me and me trying to ignore it until I can’t anymore and I explode. I want to know what to do to help out a stop to this. It’s effecting my health, mental, emotional, and physical well-being.
It helps a lot to go to Therapy for anger management. I’m not only an empath but a double minority: Asian American and Gay–I spent my life excelling in school and in every job BUT I’ve lost all those jobs due to some kind of anger outburst. I’m in a new job and excelling once again but within my first two weeks already had run-ins with not one but THREE staff members! Most empaths are diagnosed with ADHD so I also suggest to get medicated on a short term basis until you’ve trained yourself to control your emotions and impulsiveness, all of which are destructive personally and professionally. I want to keep this job so I’m continuing therapy, wear Crystals(I believe in crystal healing) and also have gone back to Church. Each empath need to find their vehicles for CLEANSING that works for them.
Is there a way to mute or get rid of empathy? It’s ruining my life and I can’t take it anymore. I am miserable. I cry everyday. I yell at my kids. I am so unhappy and I just want to be normal. My marriage is on its last thread. How can I get control of “gift “?
Mary…embrace your gift. You can rid your pent up emotions by breathing. Go outside before anyone wakes up. I meditate at 4am…GOD. Demands my time…to speak to me…..as you breathe in its positive energy as you exhale its releasing negative energy. Take your quiet time….as I say BEFORE THE NATIVES. GET RESTLESS…
I agree with Mary. I just wish it would go away forever. Just ended my second marriage to a narcissist. I am just done.
Being an empath sucks. People are so mean and it will never stop because of the freedom of choice. Keep your gift to yourself and bury it. People will only use you until you have no use or benefit anymore.
I feel like my life is coming to a screeching halt. I’ve had enough of healing and helping others. people seem to forget that I have feelings and needs as well. I’m the strong woman, empath, confidant and comedian of all my social groups but they forget I have feelings. I get it I can take a lot but my cup runneth over. It’s like people take and take until there’s nothing left of me. So it feels like I’m running low on fuel. It’s like they’ve taken the joy from me.
I cannot digest someone’s negativity and I feel, absorb their energy, letting them have it. It’s like, don’t take your negative energy, tone out on me. It’s especially frustrating if you see them act differently with you and nice to others. I internalize that. It’s a gift and curse when picking up on energies from people even if they don’t say a word. I’m learning to trust my gut, something I’ve been taught, as the scapegoat in my family, to second guess. Do any of you give it back to people who act or talk rudely with you? It’s very hard to not ingest their tone or demeanor as personal when it’s coming my way. Thanks
A very fine and delicate thread is what seprated an empath from narcissist. The transition can happen quite easily .
If you have high IQ then morality description can vary too .
Very accurate post. I stated years ago that the way to stop myself from feeling pain was through anger. I’ve used it through physical and emotional trauma as a coping mechanism. When no longer needed I was lost.
I’m wondering the ages of the ones who are angry with being empathic. I totally get it. However, I’m older, now 42, and I feel like the older you get, the more you understand about yourself, how you can help others and how to navigate these crazy emotions. Don’t get me wrong. Being an empath is so very frustrating, But I’ve learned that I enjoy the pay off for loving on others, trying to stay positive and trying not be a victim but rather see what I could have done to handle my reactions to pain better. I can sense the desperation from those who are angry with being an empath and my heart goes out to them. Then again, I wouldn’t be an empath if I didn’t. I believe maturity and life lessons bring more understanding about being an empath.
My husband literally used the term “land mine” TONIGHT when describing how I make him feel due to my angry outbursts. I’m finally seeing I have an anger problem. So, instead of being a victim to his inability to understand my frustration and having angry outbursts, I’m going to focus on myself and how to manage my own frustrations. We HAVE to take responsibility for our own actions. Good luck my friends.
Like others mentioned above, this is a ‘gift’ I don’t wish upon my worst enemy. I have been drained of time, energy, resources by Narcissists & Sociopaths. My nervous system has gone haywire, Fibromyalgia, Overactive Bladder, Migraines. In the words of my ex Narcissist girlfriend ‘you teach people how to treat you’. In the words of the Narcissist ex girlfriend after her (I didn’t learn the first time) ‘you come into this world alone, & you leave this world alone’. Thanks O wise Narcs…
I still struggle on whether or not I am an empath. Many of the traits perfectly describe me but I still struggle to put a label on it. However I am thinking that I need to because I need to start understanding myself and the best way to do that is to research the why’s which has led me here. I am definitely an emotional empath. And the talk on anger speaks loudly to me. I first feel, I react and then I think….and think….and think….and regret. Not that I am saying my anger was unjustified but many times the action/react is what is unjustified. I have struggled to like myself over the years and have often felt I didn’t belong. Which has lead to failed marriages, bad relationships, guilt, depression, on and on and on.
I want to love me, and in order to do that I need to learn more about me. I truly feel I may have finally started towards the answers.
I feel all sorts of things I feel like I can feel when someone will harm my children like I’m seeing through they’re eyes and i can feel peoples pain, I’m just not very educated on using this gift yet, but I get low energy around some people negative around others and can kinda feels like I hear them sometimes as well is that possible?
I recently learned that I’m an empath. I have always struggled with anger issues and out bursts. Insecurities also. Is there other tools other than meditation? I really love my wife. But lately it’s been a real struggle.
Feelings of Hate for an Empath can be crushing. It’s the ultimate black hole opposite end of the spectrum, compared to the warm honey feelings of love and appreciation. I use Pity, instead of Hate.
Stay away from Hate…. it’s the worst poison that you actually inject yourself with.
I used to think like you guys. But the truth is that anger is empowering if you let it explode and not hold back. I left the people, entire cities and joined those who cherish me. Trying to make anger seem like it’s not an evolutionary powerhouse of a tool will make you a new age pushover always under some guru or teacher.
I have just come out of a relationship with the man I loved so much who just discarded me so coldly when I came out of hospital
Then broke up with me
I felt total anger… I have always stood by him ..I felt total rage and thought I must be a narcissist!
But I have such emotional feelings so I must be an empath
Either way I am just so drained and I exhausted and so miserable from getting so angry when he left me
This has been so helpful to me. Thank you very much.
Jekyll & Hyde
I need help. I am an experienced empath who has been broken repeatedly in abusive relationships & an currently unable to find my happy place. I am in love with someone who is much much worse than a narcissist as far as toxicity goes-but am completely void of my own self preservation. Before I even completely loved this man I decided that he would be the last in my life; it would be right or I’d die trying. I’m trying…and failing…and dying…unable to find balance anywhere in this world that seemingly belongs to him. I love him totally-but he has a mental illness that I only cannot grasp but cannot feel/sense (drug induced paranoid schizophrenia & bipolar depression). He won’t medicate professionally. I am normally a beacon for positive output in a negative place-but the reason I can be optimistic is because I have seen true evil and can not only recognize the dark but see exactly how pitch black it can be. Therefore I can say ‘it could always be worse” and not only MEAN it but if required to give an example of “how?” Can actually provide a plausible scenario in which the “worse’ part comes in…unto which I sometimes get shunned due to the shocking or appalling depraved sickness…or as I find kind of ironic my complete nonchalant lack of care/heart/compassion)that resides in my mind/soul. His “read” is soooo different from his actions & things he says-that I am usually caught completely off guard & clueless as to where to step next in this minefield of a situation. I would walk out; away-but simply…cant. I’ve tried. It’s like fly fishing-he senses I’m on the verge if rage,disdain,apathy,& a total go ask the hatter where the party is the thing in him that I ?believe? Loves me in return? tends to show care so my wounds have time to “de-salt” but not “heal/replenish” before the next onslaught begins. What the f$!? ??? Anyone ever deal with this kind of thing? Master and I mean MASTER manipulator at work taking advantage of a woman ground down or true soul mate peeking from the veil of madness to make sure the.light in his life is still there through the dark for when he’s able to emerge?? What to do???? Tried to bring him out/back from his destructive personality but cannot bridge the gap-only endure until the episode dies off on its own.
I love being an empath. This was not always the case. I could feel things without proof I cried easily people use me and certain people made me nauseous. Now that I understand the gift and have learned to set boundaries I can help people without falling in. True gifts come with a price in this case it’s the thing that makes it so special. I must recharge everyday in. Write or else I feel like my circuits are fried. But imagine the world without us. I cringe at the thought.
I’ve learned to stay in my own lane and not absorb the energy of others. I let them handle their own business and I stay in mine. For the first time in years and years, I feel safe and sane. I stopped going to crowded places because of the emotional overload. Now I can do that and not be a sponge. I never thought it would be possible.
Wake up people! Empath often means codependant also. Which means, as empath/codependant we have our own responsibility in te roles we play in relationships. Im not saying being abused is ok. .Hell no! Im not saying giving and not receiving is ok. Hell no! That’s exactly my point. While we believe in the good in the world, we don’t always see how many things are also corrupt. Helping people doesn’t mean giving them whatever they want. Forgiving people doesn’t mean condoning bad behavior. Being altruistic doesn’t mean depleting oneself of all life force to the benefit of others. I feel like the definition of empath has been brainwashed in our brains by the abusers and narcissists who raised us. So now we’re afraid to say no, don’t know how to live life and take things for ourselves by fear of being selfish, and we’re calling that being an empath because we’re sensitive to the needs and anger of others. And then we have rensentment for them not acting the same way. I was so sensitive and psychic. Now I’m just angry and teach myself to receive what I have always deserved; love, financial abundance, good and loyal friends and lovers, respect in my career, and health from receiving as much energy as I give into the world. I wish you all the same. Start being selfish. Being an empath is overrated.
For Jekyll and Hide
My friend, I know exactly what you feel. Don’t do like me and continue to explore this darkness until he tries to kill you, or someone like him. There is no good coming out of it. What you are in is called the cycle of abuse. The cognitive dissonance and trauma bonding most likely make you believe that staying with a person like that is ok, but it is not. The love you feel is most likely Stockholm syndrome. Please protect yourself and realize that you are not safe. He is using you. There seems to be some psychopathic issues, From what I can judge of the deep distress you are in. You should really seek help of a therapist who is an expert in narcissistic abuse and/or psychopathy. On youtube there is Meredith Miller, and Dr Judy WTF ( what the freud) who are good resources, and plenty of others. Things like that are deep rooted, probably in your past. It’s not going to be easy to heal but I promess, as soon as you get out of it you will feel much better and start seeing the truth for what it is. The truth shall set you free, as they say. Trust you intuition and your body. The body is amazing at alerting us of danger. If there is a si king feeling in your gut, take a step back. There is a light at the end of the tunnel. Good luck!! Much lovexxx
Thankyou. Been suppressing being an Empath a long time with alcohol.and grass . Was expecting it to say .no empath s dont get angry . Then I could not be one . When I discovered about empaths . I thought exactly me . The pain can be over whelming. . But I know it’s worth it and I can cope . X
I just had my heart crushed by an empath woman who accused me of being a liar and a fraud (I’m not) and reacted with such anger it was unbelievable. I’ve also seen her exhibit rage at her narcissist ex-husband, who is a complete prick…. I treated her perfectly and we had such great plans for a life together. Her anger is like poison, and I know it comes from fear. I’m almost 20 yrs sober in AA so I know all about fear and fear inventory.
I just learned I am an empath and hearing others talk about it is finally connecting of the dots of who I am and why the constant “does no one else see what is happening right here in this room except me??” feeling I’ve always had. Always. It all finally makes sense, to my horror, or delight at the fact I KNEW something with me was different, very different. Everything in my life makes sense now, my extreme reaction to certain loud noises, ignorance, rudeness, negativity, people who have lack of desire for actual truth, all of it. My anger towards everyone else’s anger or pompousness or whatever it is that I detect.. The political environment lately, the constant arguing over actual facts has made my mind go crazy and the meanness of people, screaming, just all of it made my mind explode. My emotions are all over the place. I am a fixer. I cannot figure out what needs fixed, it seems all of it and the world has gone haywire!! My mind goes 1000 miles a minute and sees everything. Yes, to someone’s question above, do we find wanting to just go after the anger, lash out towards their rudeness, their dumping of life on me, the nerve of them to drain my entire energy source with their big dump.. the anger and a sudden inability to deal with it… big time, yes. Anger beyond words, outbursts, snapping at friends and family, particularly the ones who drain me with their emotions. I realize now, due to learning about empaths, why I’ve come to the conclusion I can’t hang around certain people. It’s because I know myself, and the truth will fly out of my mouth and certain friends will not like what they hear. I know things, see sneaky glances between people, and feel as though I see right through them. I ave said forever about myself that I have this sixth sense, I can sniff out a situation quicker than a dog and when I say it to others, of course it sounds weird and arrogant, but I know it to be fact. I am not sure I like being cursed with this gift. But it definitely helps to hear others say the exact same things and that finally, I know I’m not crazy. Or that I am, verdict still out. 🙂