Love & Relationships
Focus On Your Own Karma
I often get questions about karma, vengeance, and divine justice from clients when I do readings. Will the haters get what’s coming to them? Will karma finally get my cheating ex? Will my abusive employer get his comeuppance someday? If so, how long will it take for them to feel the hurt and pain they inflicted on me?
When someone calls me hoping to hear that the other person will get their ‘karma,’ it usually relates to a recent incident and they feel like the rug has been pulled from under them – especially when the attack or betrayal was seemingly unfounded. They usually hope for immediate, soul-crushing retribution!
In my own life, I have not experienced such ‘instant karma.’ In fact, true karmic debt is a very slow turning wheel. Expecting immediate payback is a lost cause and a foolish pursuit. Revenge is sweet, they say, but the spiritual truth is that seeking venegeance will only add to your own karmic debt. If someone has hurt or wronged us, the pain will ease over time. Time heals all wounds, even if the scars remain.
The only meaningful ‘payback’ I have ever experienced in my own life, was the times when I received apologies from loved ones on the other side in mediumship readings. Those messages all came from the souls of family members who have completed their life review after their transition. Once we cross over into the spirit realm, we always get new clarity and an expanded understanding of our actions, or lack thereof, and how it has caused harm to others. For some souls this process takes much longer than for others.
This happened to me on several occasions over the years, with various mediums relaying spirit messages of remorse, apologies, and loved ones asking for my forgiveness. In every instance the ‘perpetrator’ had no idea of the impact they had had on me while they were in this life. Some of them also explained that their hurtful actions were due to a learned dysfunctional behaviors and trauma from their own life experiences, especially from childhood.
Spirit Is Like A Lifeguard
I used to work in a Wisconsin tourist town in the early 90s, holding down two full-time jobs to pay my way through college. One of my employee benefits was a free admission pass to all the city’s water parks and other tourist attractions. I rarely had a day off, but whenever I did, I would relish splashing around in those lazy rivers and wave pools with childlike enthusiasm!
A popular feature at my favorite water park was a towering waterslide. At the top sat a lifeguard who would give the go-ahead for you to safely start sliding down, after the slider in front of you had cleared enough distance.
Our spirit guides are kind of like those water park lifeguards.
I remember doing a reading for myself around New Year’s Day 2016, regarding my wishes and goals for the future. I wanted my midlife crisis to be over after my divorce, and I craved to immerse myself full-time in my spiritual work to gain respect and personal fulfillment.
Seven years later, I’m still working on some of those 2016 resolutions, but I have meanwhile realized that Spirit has held me back from achieving these goals earlier in my life, as I had karmic obstacles blocking my progress.
I used to be in a loveless marriage that was a karmic ball and chain around my ankle. For example, when I faced a major health challenge years ago, all my ex could focus on was the economic loss, since I wasn’t able to work at the time. I recall someone in an online support group asking him, “Don’t you love your wife? Then support her!”
Online Dating Is Seldom The Problem
How does one find that everlasting love so many of us seek? This is the big question. In today’s era of social media and online dating, romance is so very different from the old days, when one would more often meet someone through friends and relatives, or at work. I am not saying that oes not happen anymore, but chances are slim in a new era where more of us are working from home and studies reveal that more than half of adults are experiencing loneliness.
I believe nowadays most people are actually scared to enter the dating scene. Not only does it take one out of your comfort zone, but we have all heard horror stories of people who tried online dating and now feel they will never want to date again. Some people are also adamant that online dating simply does not work.
The truth is quite the opposite however, when one looks at research statistics. For example, in a 2019 study found that meeting online has become the most popular way for couples to connect in the United States.
A 2021 study estimated that about 323 million people worldwide were using dating apps and matchmaking sites to meet new people. A recent survey found that about one in every three people who use these platforms found someone to have a long-term relationship with, and at least 13% of online daters eventually get engaged or married because of using these platforms.
In my experience the dating apps and websites are not the reason why some people fail to meet the right person or have bad experiences with online dating. I have seen time and again in readings I do for clients all over the world that the key elements for dating success are self-love, self-worth, mental health and spiritual awareness.
We Need To Reopen Our Hearts
If, like me, you are highly sensitive to energies, I am sure you have noticed the alarming increase in anger, hatred, callousness, and cruelty in our society in recent times. It seems many people’s hearts have hardened. In my view, this is due to a post-pandemic heart chakra problem in our culture.
For example, one issue I have been finding more of in post-pandemic readings is an inability for many of my callers to remain ‘in the flow’ with their romantic partners. Some of my clients are either overly focused on, and extremely loyal to a partner who clearly doesn’t deserve it, or they are too rigid in keeping their distance and even avoiding contact. I have also been noticing more of this with people’s friendships and interactions with their relatives.
Of course, we must set healthy boundaries in all our relationships for the sake of our own well-being. Without proper boundaries we will become too exhausted and energetically drained to be of any use to others. By taking good care of ourselves, we also take better care of others and will have more to give.
But there’s a difference between healthy boundaries and ‘excommunicating’ just about everyone across-the-board. ‘Blocking,’ ‘banning,’ and ‘ghosting’ every person who dares to express a different point of view on social media, and disowning every person in your life who has the nerve to do or say the slightest thing that may annoy you, is not exactly setting healthy boundaries. It is rather a sign of having very weak, fickle boundaries. If this has become your way of being in the world, then you may want to consider doing some heart chakra energy work.
Helping Children Navigate Divorce
When parents get divorced it is always difficult for the entire family. Navigating through this time is usually challenging. There is also no manual or guidebook for how to do things the right way, so parents have to figure it out as they go.
Same with the children. It can be very scary for them not knowing what to expect and sometimes feeling obligated to take sides. It can be a very sad, stressful time for children, especially when parents are so caught up in their disputes and drama that they lose sight of what is best for their kids. The kids are not the ones getting the divorce.
However, I believe most parents really do try to do their best to soften the blow and make it work for everyone involved.
Children tend to want to please their parents and not cause further upset. So, tend to not speak up. They sometimes suppress their feelings of hurt, resentment or fear. Sometime children feel like they need to choose one parent over another.
Everyone needs to feel they are being heard and their needs considered. It is therefore best to listen to all sides before making decisions. Going through this process can be tricky. You do not want your child to feel neglected or abandoned in the process.
Understanding your children’s needs and feelings, and dealing with it, is the first step into helping your child get through it with the least amount of trauma. If a parent finds this difficult to ascertain, then it is wise for them to get some professional help and guidance.
Being Your Strongest, Most Authentic Self
Many people tend to think that being vulnerable and open is a bad thing, because it makes them vulnerable to getting hurt in life and especially in relationships.
When someone disappoints or hurts us, whether deliberately or inadvertently, it is usually because they have deep wounds of their own that stems from their past, especially for their childhood. These unresolved traumas are often dormant and unconscious.
One might feel this is still no excuse to treat others poorly, or that they should know better. However, because these people typically have not done much inner work or self-healing to really know how to be in loving, happy, and functional relationships. I’m not condoning their bad behavior, but if they actually do not know any better, then how can one expect it from them?
I find people who are stuck in such patterns of hurting others are usually very much defensive and in denial. If you gently suggest what you may need from them, or bring up an aspect that the two of you could work on together to improve the relationship, they tend to instantly throw what you say back in your face and make it all about you. Suddenly, all of it is your fault.
This defensive behavior is a clear signal that this person has a lot of hurt, and is either fearful or unable to work through it. Therefore, if you bring up something that triggers their pain, they immediately see it as a threat. They feel attacked, or that they are being made a scapegoat.
Mistakes Are Necessary For Spiritual Growth
Have you ever felt like you made a wrong choice or bad decision that caused everything to fall apart or steered your life went in the wrong direction. Maybe you knew it was the wrong choice, but you did it anyway? Well, every mistake is an opportunity for growth. There are no mistakes in life, only lessons. Without mistakes, there is very little personal and spiritual growth.
Let’s say you choose to date a guy with a bad reputation. Then, as your gut feeling had warned and your psychic advisor had predicted, he cheats on you, and ultimately dumps you for someone else. Your inner guidance told you it was not a good idea; spirit advised against it. Yet, still you chose to find out the truth the hard way, by experiencing it for yourself.
But then you still do not learn the lesson. You go and do it again. You take him back and trust that he has changed as he has promised. Then he does the same all over again. Do you continue to stay and have him hurt you and take advantage of you? If you do, you still have not learned the lesson.
So, what is the lesson here? Well, the first thing you would have to recognize is that the lesson is not about him. It is about you. It is about establishing your self-worth and building your self-esteem. It is about accepting the fact that you, like anyone else, deserve to be loved and to be happy. And it is about learning to trust your inner guidance and pay attention when spirit guides you.
I have worked with many clients over the years who find all kinds of excuses and justifications for staying in a bad relationship, a toxic workplace, or a dysfunctional family environment.