Love & Relationships
‘Under-Doing’ For You And ‘Overdoing’ for Others?
Are you ‘under-doing’ for yourself, or perhaps ‘overdoing for others’ in order to gain approval and love? Many of us fall into this pattern without even realizing it.
When we are raised to be helpful, agreeable and accommodating, it can become second nature to say yes whenever someone asks something of us.
For some people it can take many years, sometimes even decades, to recognize that constantly putting others first may not always be the healthy or loving choice it appears to be.
Learning to set healthy boundaries is not something most of us are taught when we are young, especially if we have grown accustomed to keeping the peace by going along with what others want.
Many of us know what it feels like to be the person everyone relies on. When something needs to be done, we are the first person people think of. When someone needs help, they call us.
At first this can feel rewarding because we enjoy being supportive and dependable. Yet always being that ‘Yes’ person can quietly create an imbalance over time.
When we continually give our time, energy and attention to others without receiving the same in return, the natural flow of energy becomes disrupted. Healthy relationships usually involve a balanced exchange between people.
How To Keep Your Relationship Strong
Why is it that some relationships are successful, and some are not? When you fall in love your hope is obviously that it will last forever.
There is nothing worse than falling for someone, only to end up heartbroken and confused about what had gone wrong, and wondering how you can go back to the way things used to be.
So, the question is, how do some relationships manage to last and stay so strong?
I believe it begins with the simple things, like how we greet each other every day, for example. Making the effort to kiss our partner hello and goodbye every time we leave and arrive, is a thoughtfulness that can go a long, long way. It keeps the flame of intimacy burning so much stronger.
We should also learn to say “I love you” without any restraints. Those three little words mean so much.
Sometimes of course there will be arguments in a relationship. Developing healthy conflict management skills is therefore essential.
We might hit a nerve with each other, but just because we’re mad does not mean we don’t love each other. Every fight does not mean that your relationship is over. Any couple that goes the distance can rise above fights and realize what’s most important.
When it comes to conflict and disagreements, I feel that the two things one should never do is say something that you cannot take back later, and never go to bed angry. Words can hurt terribly and even if you forget about it, your partner won’t.
Love Cord Connections That Last An Eternity
When we truly love someone on a deeply spiritual level, we are eternally connected to that person throughout all of our lifetimes. The sacred cord of divine love between souls can never be severed.
It is true that love is the most powerful force and it is my belief that God is love. We get to bask in this blissful feeling in its entirety, which is much too much for our earthly minds to even comprehend.
I do know that we get to taste a bit of it through the feelings we experience when we deeply love another person. It is our ‘taste of heaven’ here on earth and we can enhance the feeling through gratitude for that person that is in our lives.
In turn we can also treat each other better, appreciate each other more, knowing that the moment truly is all that we have and it can be taken away at any moment.
Whenever I think about love I am reminded of that famous line in the Beatles song The End, “In the end the love you take is equal to the love you make.” There is so much truth in these simple words.
When we love someone, we have all kinds of things we can do with that person. We have what I call ESP email. Using telepathy we can communicate with that person via our thoughts.
When we have out of body experiences (OBEs) or do astral traveling during the night, we can meet up with these people if we want to. All we have to do is focus on the emotions that we have for that person and then we can make that connection with them in the spirit form, when we astral travel or dream.
Context, Context, Context
In the sales and marketing field they often talk of ‘location, location, location’ (no matter how good your product or service is, how successful you are often comes down to location). Perhaps in our communication with others we should think of context, context, and context?
We have entered a period of time in the world that communication is misconstrued, even fake and has more opportunities to be interpreted as confrontational, biased, and not politically correct.
On top of that put an individual’s personal style of communication – introvert, extrovert, analytical, emotional subjective and all the other styles, and the matter becomes more thorny.
Then, add even another layer, such as email and social media, which does not involve the other person being face-to-face.
Now communication becomes even more complex, because body language and the human expression energetically is not a resource available to us to can pick up on the subtle options for interpretation. We will initially respond to the email from our frame of reference, and our reference alone, which is biased by our experiences.
So what do we do? Well, we recognize the importance of ourselves being energy vibration, through which our body communicates consciously and subconsciously with everything in our environment. We acknowledge that our emotions, beliefs and thoughts are complex, inter-connected and influence each situational response in our communication.
Are You Holding On To A Broken Relationship?
Are you waiting for him to return to you? Has your break-up stopped you from living your life? Have you decided that no matter what anyone has said to you, that you know that he is coming back to you?
Holding on to a broken relationship is a common occurrence in many people’s lives. One person moves on, another does not.
When confronted with this dilemma, you may believe he will be back. I know him; he can’t function without me. He needs me. He knows we are spiritually connected. However, this is often not the truth of the situation. It is simply your ego egging you on to believe what you want to believe.
I usually ask people to go into their ‘gut’ and take the heart out of it. But still I will get, “My gut says he will be back.” This is ego, because the response is so quick and without breathing in and allowing your guides to give you the proper answer.
There are people that have sat around waiting for weeks, months and even years, for that person that they are sure they were destined to be with. Life passes them by and, yet, they remain convinced that the person is coming back against all odds.
Many of their partners move on, some even marry and start a family, and yet, still, the broken-hearted ex-partner waits for them to return.
There is a rule of thumb that goes with a breakup. Every person has to look at the true reason of the breakup, not what they think the issue was, not what they blame the other person for (or sometimes themselves). What is the true reason? Many times it comes down to compromise.
Give Yourself The Grace Of Forgiveness
If you are an empath you may believe that forgiveness should be easy for you, or at least easier than it is for others. But I’ve spoken to many empaths and highly sensitive people over the years who all struggle with forgiveness.
One of the main issues with forgiveness for the empath is that we feel another’s emotions intensely, literally as our own. This muddies the waters considerably, because it tends to blur boundaries. Blurred boundaries can often lead to a closed mouth for an empath. Why? Because it is difficult for us, especially in childhood or in romantic relationships, to know where we end and another begins.
It is easy for others to manipulate appropriate boundaries with an empath, or to erase them altogether. All the empath knows is that there is pain, sadness, a sense of frustration, or anger. If you are an empath, then the question becomes are you angry with them, or yourself? Should you have been able to foresee the catastrophe happening, the relationship ending, job imploding, and so on. This leads to self-doubt and the rehashing of incidents that occurred years ago…with no resolution.
In the meantime, every time an empath thinks about the situation, past or present, we feel it…and the cycle continues.
Yes, you are empathic, intuitive, even psychic, but that does not make you immune to being human, neither does it make you all-knowing or all-seeing, especially when it comes to your own life, childhood or relationships.
Navigating Grief Without Losing Yourself
In my work as a psychic reader, I have worked with many people navigating grief. Over the years, I have witnessed how people process loss and transition differently.
I have often had to guide clients toward grounding, self-trust, and setting compassionate boundaries. And, as life would have it, I recently had to draw on that wisdom and apply it to my own family.
My father was recently admitted to hospice care at his local nursing home after spending a week in the hospital. His prognosis was poor.
As our family transitioned to this new phase of care, I stayed in touch with loved ones and made decisions centered on his comfort and dignity.
At the same time, I made a conscious effort to protect my emotional energy and maintain healthy boundaries so that I could stay grounded.
In these circumstances I’ve been grappling with a kind of grief that isn’t often acknowledged: the grief of realizing someone you love is no longer the person they once were.
Even when they are physically present, the relationship shifts. There can be a quiet heartbreak in adjusting to the present while remembering the past.
There is also grief in watching a family reorganize itself. During times of transition, long-standing dynamics often change. Some family connections deepen and some relationships no longer operate as they once did. This can also feel like a loss in terms of shared understanding and how things “used to be.” Sudden changes in family circumstances tend to reveal where everyone actually stands.