tolerance
Setting Healthy Boundaries With Toxic People
I have often wondered why so many of us tolerate unhealthy, unhappy, and sometimes very dysfunctional relationships with relatives and friends. Too many of us endure the toxic dynamics in our families and friendships, putting up with being the scapegoat, emotional punching bag, financial provider, free therapist, or nanny.
Why is it that many of us tend to keep giving the people in our lives second chances and multiple opportunities to learn and grow, hoping that they will somehow become more considerate, loving, and compassionate?
Meanwhile, we ignore their nasty words, spiteful behaviors, and toxic exchanges. We remain kind, tolerant, and patient. We try to help them lighten up, or connect on a deeper, more caring level. We hope that maybe someday everyone will be happier together and enjoy sharing more love and belonging, instead of dysfunction and drama.
But as the years go by, they continue to disappoint, abuse, and betray us. The loving kindness and mutual support never comes. Try as we might in these toxic situations, the people we love and care about will continue to talk down to us or try to make us feel that we are not good enough. These complicated family and friendship situations can eventually cost us our physical and mental health, our financial security, and our personal accomplishments.
I find this to often be the case with my clients who are gifted, empathic, highly sensitive, and spiritually aware. Some even consider it their purpose or calling in this lifetime. However, while being a wounded healer or earth angel is certainly a noble calling, being a scapegoat or doormat is definitely not! God, Source, Spirit, the Divine wants us to be happy, healthy and safe, and to live our best life.
How To Truly Honor Our Departed Loved Ones
I attended a service recently at the local spiritualist centre that I found particularly meaningful. One of the spirit messages channeled by a visiting medium was for a recently bereaved man in the congregation. The grieving gentleman had been dealing with many mixed emotions since the passing of his spouse.
At first the medium provided the man with undeniable evidence that it was indeed his late wife who was making contact. She relayed several factual details and personal memories that only the man and his wife could possibly know of. This was especially evident from the amazed expression on his face in reaction to everything the medium was saying.
The deceased wife then admitted to being somewhat of a ‘firecracker’ during their 50-year marriage. She further confessed that towards the end of her life she had become especially difficult to deal with and said many hurtful things to him. She acknowledged that despite her unkind behavior he consistently remained patient with her and thanked him for his kindness and forbearance.
The man then confirmed that his late wife had suffered a series of mini-strokes that altered her mental state. She had also been prescribed medication that further affected her mood and behavior in a negative way. The wife then asked for his forgiveness and encouraged him to stop focusing so much on the negative memories of their final months together.
“She is asking you to please think more often of your special moments together,” said the medium.
Let Spirituality Be Your Guiding Light
In a fast-paced world where superficial, materialistic pursuits tend to dominate our lives, the search for deeper meaning and purpose has become even more significant for many people. Spirituality has always been a guiding light in this quest.
Spirituality offers solace, clarity, and a profound connection to something greater than ourselves. It is inherently personal and subjective, and not limited to religious affiliations, formal belief systems, or cultural traditions.
To be spiritual is to have a deep awareness of the higher self, as well as a heightened connection to God, Goddess, Source, Spirit, the Divine, the Universe.
Our preferred spiritual practice does not have to be some form of dogmatic religion, which tends to involve organized rituals, ceremony, and fixed doctrines. Instead, it can also be an individual exploration of higher consciousness that seeks a direct and personal experience of the sacred and divine.
Spiritual awareness is also not confined to merely a few isolated moments of contemplation, but instead a holistic, consistent state of mind, or way of being in the world, that permeates every aspect of our life.
By integrating spiritual principles and practices into our daily life, we infuse our everyday choices and actions with intention and authenticity, leading to a more balanced, fulfilling, and purposeful existence.
Find The Spiritual Gold Outside Your Comfort Zone
Some people are not ready or strong enough to embrace the truth, nor the unfamiliar. And that’s okay. We are all at different stages in our soul evolution. Energetically we are like magnets that resonate with those who are on the same frequency, and bounce off those who do not share our level of understanding. And that is okay.
The more evolved and sensible we are spiritually, the more open we are to embrace new information and learn from the acquired insight and wisdom of others. The higher our vibration, the less likely we are to overreact with extreme resistance, or become anxious or annoyed when we are confronted with inconvenient new realities.
Resistance and defensiveness stem from the ego. The ego tends to hinder us from being present and truly connecting, learning, growing, and expanding. This ultimately keeps us from evolving spiritually.
I have always been a firm believer that the teacher will appear when the student is ready. Those who are no longer held back by the human ego, are more ready and open to receive new information and explore deeper wisdom on a soul level.
We need not unconditionally agree with everything, but one can always find some ‘gold’ in whatever crosses our path. There is always some nugget of wisdom or insight we can use, even if we choose to discard the rest. There is always something of value that we can add to our toolbox of personal growth and soul expansion. There is always something new to learn or discover.
Judgment Limits Your Soul Growth
So, let’s try a different attitude just for today – just so we can experience what it’s like to exist on a higher spiritual frequency and how good it feels to be connected to God, Source, Spirit, Higher Intelligence, the Divine.
To help bring yourself into spiritual alignment and to be a healthier, happier human being, mentally, psychically and spiritually, simply let go of analyzing and evaluating others. The only reason we do this is usually because we are trying to cover up the misalignments in our own life.
When we constantly criticize and judge ourselves and others, we are essentially keeping ourselves trapped in a life on low, shallow energy altitudes. Hence we hinder our soul from achieving wonderful growth.
Some of the unhealthiest, most miserable people I know tend to always judge. They constantly feel the need to analyze and pass judgment on others, and what is worse they often judge themselves much more severely! I mean, if you can’t see it in their aura, you can definitely see it in their face. The eyes are indeed the windows to the soul.
When we have sincere faith in a higher power we simply do not feel the need to constantly judge ourselves and others. When we judge others we only hurt and limit ourselves. Judgment, intolerance and fear hinder our soul growth. So, just for today try a less judgmental attitude. You just might like it! You may even find it’s better to live this way every single day for the rest of your lifetime.
Life is simply too short and precious to spend it indulging in so much judgment and negativity. So, stop blocking yourself from being the best version of you. Do not analyze and evaluate yourself and leave others in peace to deal with their own karma.
To Lie, To Live, To Believe
Our brains are naturally wired to recognize patterns, find connections between seemingly unrelated things, and draw analytical conclusions from our observations. We all use this ability every day without even knowing it.
It is a talent we inherited from our ancient ancestors. Professor Robert C. Barkman explains that “pattern recognition was key to the survival of our Neanderthal ancestors, allowing them to identify poisonous plants, distinguish predator from prey, and interpret celestial events. Today, pattern recognition plays new, but just as important roles in diagnosing diseases, inspiring new ways to safeguard data, and discovering new planets.”
This amazing ability is however seldom mentioned or considered in spiritual and metaphysical circles. But Spirit has over the years guided me towards greater spiritual insight and metaphysical understanding by taking me on interesting journeys of analysis and pattern recognition towards profound insights and relevations.
For example, while meditating during Easter a few weeks ago, my guides took me ‘down a rabbit hole’ on the decisive word believe. The first insight I discovered was that right in the middle of the word ‘believe’ there hides another, more disheartening little word: lie.
Of course, ‘believe’ is a good word. It is the cornerstone to faith and living a spiritually empowered life. But the hidden word ‘lie’ inside it reminds us that we must also have a living faith for it to be authentic and powerful. And, if you drop the letter ‘v’ into ‘lie,’ it becomes the word ‘live.’
Walking Two Moons In Their Moccasins
To judge, or not to judge, that is the question. Now, even the least religious of Christians will tell you that it is not a good idea to stand in judgment of others. In fact, Matthew 7:1-5 clearly states: “Do not judge, or you too will be judged. For in the same way you judge others, you will be judged, and with the measure you use, it will be measured to you.” However, there is a little-known addition to this spiritual wisdom to be found in John 7:24: ” Stop judging by mere appearances, but instead judge correctly.”
Wait a minute? Did Jesus not instruct us never to judge? Yes, he implored us not to judge, but he also asked us to filter our experiences through the wisdom of spirit, or the eyes of divine love, before making any judgment. Indeed, some sound judgment is necessary in life. If we never judge anything at all, we may potentially become doormats to others. That’s certainly not what any wise spiritual teacher would recommend. But we need to be sensible, humble and kind in the process. We must ask for divine wisdom and guidance when considering what we say to others, as well as ourselves.
Judgment is related to karma and the ‘golden rule,’ in that we receive back what we dish out. This is not good if we hold onto our rigidity, unable to see others’ points of view. But if we open our minds and see it from another’s point of view, then we will more fairly and compassionately balance our judgments. We must remember the Native American wisdom, “Don’t judge a man until you have walked two moons in his moccasins.”