self-worth
Remove Toxic People From Your Life
Have you ever had the presence of an emotional vampire in your life? This can happen in a love relationship, a friendship, or with a family member.
You will feel like your soul is being drained, you are not yourself. Your joy is gone when you are around them, you can’t be yourself. If all of this describes how you feel, then maybe it’s time to do some soul searching. Remember who you are and how important you are.
I have counseled so many people who are normally outgoing, loving, supportive, wonderful souls, but sometimes these folks are so giving that they give their power away. They forget to protect and take care of themselves.
Are there people in your life whose needs seem to be all that matters, but yours never do? Love is not love and friendship is not friendship if you have to put yourself aside on a daily basis in a relationship. We must constantly remind ourselves of this.
Sure, relationships are give and take, but when they seem to be only take and take and there is no giving, something is wrong.
Who we surround ourselves with, who we give our time to, greatly affect the quality of our lives and our spirit. If you suspect that someone is a toxic person, do not be afraid to set boundaries and make changes in your life.
You deserve to feel nothing less than wonderful and lovable, as God, Source, Spirit, the Divine intended you to be. Do not let fear make you settle for less than what you are worth.
Don’t Let Your Ex Jinx Your Love Life!
I just did a phone reading for a Psychic Access client whose first words were, “Do you think my ex put a curse on me to jinx my love life?”
As always, I turned to the spirit realm for guidance. A very close friend of the client, who had crossed over just a few months ago, then came forward with the answers.
“A recently deceased friend of yours says you are jinxing yourself,” I replied. “He says you cannot expect things to change for the better if you keep repeating the same old patterns, looking for love in all the wrong places, with all the wrong people, for all the wrong reasons.
“Um, I don’t see how I’m the cause of the problem here,” my client countered. “I’ve met many women since my last relationship, and all of they seem to want from me is financial support, or to fix their house, or to solve their legal problems, or to somehow take care of all their problems.”
“Well, what do you expect?” replied his friend from the spirit realm. “The first thing you always tell women is how much money you make because you feel the need to compensate for your lack of self-worth. Your ex made you feel you were worthless without all the money you spent on her all the time. But you have so much more to offer than your financial success. You are a good man with a good heart. You don’t have to lead with money all the time,” his friend said.
The Dealbreakers And Dealmakers Of Dating
Dating has changed a lot in recent years, especially with the advent of social media and dating apps. But one thing that has not changed is that most people still want to meet someone special to share their lives with.
I had to venture back into the dating scene myself after my husband passed away several years ago. At first, I had absolutely no interest in meeting someone new, but after a long period of grieving, healing, and self-reflection, I finally realized that I did not want or need to be alone for the rest of my life.
I remember so many people giving me dating and relationship advice after I became a widow. They particularly advised me not to remarry, especially at my age. “Trust me, you don’t need the headaches and drama,” they all said. “You’ll never find someone as good as him,” one predicted. “It’s a toxic war zone out there,” lamented another. Relatives, friends, and even neighbors all had something negative or skeptical to say.
While I appreciated everyone’s concern and well-meant intentions at the time, I decided to stay true to myself and trust my inner guidance. You see, I already knew something they did not.
Spirit revealed to me toward the end of my grieving period that I would eventually meet someone new, but that I would have to take the necessary steps to make it happen. My future partner was not going to miraculously show up at my door. I had to put myself out there to meet him.
Life Lessons From Spirit That Make Us Stronger
As we wander through life, we often face many roadblocks, many stumbling blocks and many disappointments. There are many questions that arise as we walk our path and at times it feels like the entire world is against us, as we progress on our journey.
Many people blame God, Source, Spirit, the Divine, or other people for the situations they are in, and cannot get past. This simply an illusion that we create in our humanness. Spirit does not want us to fail in life. Spirit does not want us to be unhappy. Spirit does not want us to live a pauper’s life.
It is time to sit down, take a look at all what has happened to you and discover two things about each situation. Why did it happen, and what was the lesson you learned from it? As you look at the examples of pain, suffering or disappointment in your life, what do you see? Were they life lessons from spirit?
For example, you have been with the love of your life for many years. One day your your beloved unexpectedly abandons you for another person. What could you have done to prevent this? What could you have done differently? Why were you not enough? You were in love, totally and unconditionally devoted to this person, and you thought they felt the same way about you. Why did they do this to you?
In almost all cases where this happens, there is nothing you could have done to prevent this. It was not you who walked out of the relationship or marriage; it was your partner. And all people have free will and free choice. This was not your decision to make.
Betrayal Blindness And The Family Scapegoat
I have a good friend who was raised by a mother who constantly belittled and talked down to her. She never defended herself, because she grew up believing that she deserved her mother’s abuse, because something was wrong with her causing her to always say and do the wrong things.
Once she graduated high school, she moved out of her mom’s house. Her life became much more peaceful for several years, until she started noticing that her brother was following in their mother’s footsteps by adopting the same kind of toxic, abusive language towards her.
It oddly became evident to her one year at Christmas time, when she gifted him a beautiful, crocheted blanket that she had been working on for many months and he rolled his eyes and made some disparaging remark about it. She then started noticing how pompous, ungrateful, and narcissistic he truly was. Growing up with him, she always assumed he just had bit of an ego or a macho attitude, but now that she had gained life experience and wisdom, she realized he was simply an abusive jerk.
Still, she chose not to criticize or judge him. In fact, she did the opposite, she encouraged his long-suffering partner to stay by his side and continue to support and love him, because she understood that he was also just a product of his upbringing, like herself. Meanwhile, he faithfully continued judging and belittling her. Because that is what he had seen their mother do all his life.
But one day, something inside her finally shifted. She had reached a point of no return and decided to start standing up for herself! Enough already.
Setting Healthy Boundaries With Toxic People
I have often wondered why so many of us tolerate unhealthy, unhappy, and sometimes very dysfunctional relationships with relatives and friends. Too many of us endure the toxic dynamics in our families and friendships, putting up with being the scapegoat, emotional punching bag, financial provider, free therapist, or nanny.
Why is it that many of us tend to keep giving the people in our lives second chances and multiple opportunities to learn and grow, hoping that they will somehow become more considerate, loving, and compassionate?
Meanwhile, we ignore their nasty words, spiteful behaviors, and toxic exchanges. We remain kind, tolerant, and patient. We try to help them lighten up, or connect on a deeper, more caring level. We hope that maybe someday everyone will be happier together and enjoy sharing more love and belonging, instead of dysfunction and drama.
But as the years go by, they continue to disappoint, abuse, and betray us. The loving kindness and mutual support never comes. Try as we might in these toxic situations, the people we love and care about will continue to talk down to us or try to make us feel that we are not good enough. These complicated family and friendship situations can eventually cost us our physical and mental health, our financial security, and our personal accomplishments.
I find this to often be the case with my clients who are gifted, empathic, highly sensitive, and spiritually aware. Some even consider it their purpose or calling in this lifetime. However, while being a wounded healer or earth angel is certainly a noble calling, being a scapegoat or doormat is definitely not! God, Source, Spirit, the Divine wants us to be happy, healthy and safe, and to live our best life.
Free Yourself From An Unhealthy Relationship
An intimate relationship or marriage is meant to be a safe space. Your partner or spouse is supposed to be the closest person in your life. They should be the one person you are able to trust unconditionally with the most important aspects of your life.
If you are currently in a challenging relationship, you need to ask yourself if this union has all the key traits for a healthy, happy relationship. Do you feel secure, safe, and supported? More importantly, do you feel loved and valued?
If not, are you hoping it will somehow work eventually, and develop into something that will offer you more of what you need and deserve?
These are vital questions to ask yourself, not only before you commit to someone, but also throughout the relationship. All relationships evolve over time as people change and grow.
Just because everything was great during the initial ‘honeymoon’ phase of a relationship, does not guarantee it will remain that way. A healthy relationship continues to grow and evolve, as both partners grown and evolve.
I have worked with many clients over the years who settled for less, or got caught up in the downward spiral of a dysfunctional, toxic relationship. Saying “I love you” does not mean much if it is not backed up by matching actions and behavior.