friends
Empaths Need Firm Psychosocial Boundaries
Psychosocial balance is tricky for the empath. It requires managing expectations, checking our reactions and emotions, and most especially setting boundaries. Because it is so easy for us to link into the feelings and emotions of those around us, empaths often forget that others may not respond in kind.
For the empath it’s all about balancing your intuitive gifts with your expectations, and finally your responses. Work, friendships, relationships, all the things that encompass our daily lives, require vigilance to ensure that balance is maintained, or chaos will ensue.
For the Type A empath, jobs, friendships and relationships can end very abruptly with major repercussions. The more assertive empath tends to have the motto of “do unto others before they do unto you.” They will leave a job, a relationship or a friendship at the drop of a hat. The more subdued, timid empath tends to stay in miserable job situations, one-sided friendships, and sometimes downright abusive intimate relationships.
At work especially it is very important for all empaths to remember that there is almost always going to be some personality clashes. Others do not always view us favorably. Remember that you are there to do a job – your job. Staying focused on your work, the requirements of that job and your performance is your primary responsibility. Confronting someone, especially a superior, with “what’s your problem, I know you don’t like me” is counterproductive. Similarly the typical response of the introverted empath to quit, or at least never address any issues, is also futile.
Yes, it can be gut-wrenching or infuriating for empaths to know beyond a shadow of a doubt that a co-worker or boss doesn’t care for them, or has it out for them, but utilize your gift! As an empath you can read the feelings and intentions of others. This gives you a map to the personalities you are dealing with. Use that information to moderate your own responses to the situation and the individuals you are dealing with in your professional environment.
Some Days Are Diamonds
Some days in life stand out as exceptional, memorable and even magical. Personally, I have experienced several such days to date. I can recall each of these enchanted days vividly, because of the way everything seemed to fall into place perfectly, from start to finish. On these days there were amazing synchronicities with people, places, events and circumstances that all came together to create the perfect moment in time. In these moments I felt completely aligned within myself, everyone else around me, as well as the entire Universe.
It’s been a while since I had such an amazing day. The Covid-19 pandemic especially have played a role in this, causing for me a sense of disjointedness and isolation. I made a real effort to get out of the house as much as possible, even having lunch here and there by myself. I even attempted to strike up new friendships, but none of these connections quite gelled or there was a lack of follow-up on either side. I accept that those potential new friendships simply were not meant to be.
It is said that our deepest, longest-lasting friendships are formed earlier on in life. For me this is true, as I remain in touch on a daily basis with friends I left behind a few years ago when leaving South Africa. Some of those individuals have since scattered to various corners of the world, but many of us still stay in touch, even if only to touch base now and again. Then there are also those special friends that I communicate with almost every day, from Bali to South Africa, to South America, and beyond. We are blessed these days to have the internet to be able to do this.
I also formed some online friendships during the height of Covid pandemic through various spiritual and metaphysical groups online, and I have been keeping in touch with some of these acquaintances in other parts of the world.
My Past Life Nightmare In Hexham, England
My friends have a running joke that no event with me can ever be just a normal, everyday experience. Such was my notorious visit to Hexham, England.
I used to have a friend for many years who I knew to be kind and generous. She is a talented singer and we met while performing in a musical together. We were never close friends. Instead, we kept in contact and exchanged birthday presents, but rarely talked or saw each other in person.
At one point she was going through a difficult time. She had ended several friendships, was feeling lonely, had financial problems, and desperately hoped to meet a special guy. Then she invited me to take a special trip with her to Hexham, England. She owned an international timeshare and offered to use it for the two of us for our holiday accommodation in Hexham. Although we shared the costs, she also insisted on handling all the flight bookings, transportation and other arrangements. We had a very good relationship, so it never occurred to me that all of this might later become a major issue between us.
It was a long, 13-hour flight. When we arrived at the airport, sniffer dogs held back by airport employees ran up to us with rabid looks in their eyes. They were barking loudly; it was really terrifying. Neither one of us drank, used drugs, or had ever committed any crime. In fact, she is a devote Seventh Day Adventist. So, being targeted by security dogs was an out of the norm experience for us. The customs officials took us into a backroom and thoroughly searched our baggage. I have also never experienced this before. Of course, they found nothing. I was later informed that do not often receive American visitors in Hexham, so they were therefore instantly suspicious about us.
We then found a taxi and transferred to our timeshare accommodation. To make matters worse, our visit was during an outbreak in the area of Bovine spongiform encephalopathy (BSE), also known as ‘mad cow disease.’ Everywhere we went our shoes and the wheels of the vehicles we travelled in had to be sanitized with some awful, toxic spray. Not a fun way to start a vacation.
Now Is The Time To Celebrate Life!
The time has come to recognize how far we have come and celebrate the sheer joy and privilege to be alive. Although Covid-19 is still around, and I personally know several people who are just now recovering from the illness, we are in a much better position now than a year or two ago. We have a lot to be grateful for as we start to work our way towards the future.
So, let’s celebrate! While still taking appropriate precautions, it is wonderful to be able to go out again, eat in restaurants and shop inside stores. A feeling of lightness is everywhere these days, with people really appreciating the ability to get back to some semblance of normal.
I see people smiling and laughing again while they are out and about, doing their daily errands, meeting friends, and attending functions and events. It seems even strangers are friendlier and more open to positive conversation and a more optimistic outlook nowadays. What a welcome change!
It is particularly satisfying to focus on and reconnect in person with the people who are important in our lives and make us feel happy. This year Mother’s Day was especially meaningful for many of us. It is always a beautiful opportunity to showcase the love for our mothers, both those who are still with us in this life, as well as those in spirit.
However, spirit impresses on me that honoring our mothers should happen more consistently than just one day per year. Each May, many of us resolve to show our love and respect all year through. So, how are we doing so far? Are we still honoring our mothers long after her special day is over?
A quick call, some surprise flowers, a little gift for ‘no reason’ are all lovely gestures that don’t take a lot of time or money, but can mean the world to mom, or stepmom, grandma or other maternal role-models who have touched our lives.
Never Switch Your Vibration For Toxic, Negative People
Recently I was invited out for coffee by one of my very good friends. This lady is sweet, gentle, and extremely accepting of others. When we arrived at the coffee shop, she introduced me to another friend. I was very happy to make the acquaintance, as meeting new people is always a rather thrilling experience for me. I find it opens up a world of new ideas, opinions, and information.
Now, generally, I tend to operate in a gentle, fluid vibration, which is usually ideal, as it removes all anxiety or any kind of inner turmoil. But, suprisingly, meeting this lady my energy instantly switched to a harsh, resistant vibration, which is very much out of my character.
I could actually feel my body physically reacting to her presence. Since I was immediately aware of the change in the ‘vibes,’ I tried my best to establish a calmer and more accepting manner with this person and was temporarily at least somewhat successful in going back to my normally centered, grounded state. Our conversation were not exactly harmonious, but things did proceed in a slightly more friendly fashion.
During our chit chat, she discovered that I go bike riding every morning for a couple of hours. I live in a very small city, so it is no problem for 1me to hop on my bicycle and head out into the countryside, for what is usually the most enjoyable part of my day.
The route I normally take goes through a lovely area of farmland, where of course there are at times many dogs running about. Most farmers here do not restrain their animals, but it has never caused me any major problems. I love animals and actually enjoy seeing them.
Leave Some Space For Grace
When I read energy, it is shown to me in terms of the strength of that energy. In other words, the strength of the energy is directly tied to its manifestation here in the physical realm. As above, so below.
When we are angry or in conflict, we are often heavily invested in simply being right. And the more the argument evolves… the more virulent the energy becomes. This is never a hopeful, healthy precursor to manifesting better things in our life.
Fortunately, there is the powerful spiritual and emotional energy that love and forgiveness can also manifest in our lives, to counteract the impact of negative emotional energies.
A sister to the energies of love and forgiveness that is not always afforded equal honor, bit is equally powerful is the gift of grace. You may have heard of ‘grace under pressure?’ Essayist William Hazlitt defines grace as “the outward expression of the inward harmony of the soul.”
So, what is grace? Webster’s Dictionary defines grace as both a noun and a verb. Noun: unmerited favor, kindness undeserved. Verb: to confer dignity or honor on, or to add beauty to.
Grace is the ‘breath’ we take between anger and forgiveness. It is a choice to be silent, hold our tongue, and open the door for peace to enter into a challenging situation.
Angels naturally possess infinite grace, and many times the angels I work with have to remind me to hold my tongue, think before I speak, and simply be silent and listen to the person I am angry with. Being heard even if we are not understood is very validating. It says to the other person, “you are important to me, what you are feeling and thinking matters to me”. What you give you will receive.
Successful Relationships Begin With Self-Love
How do you ensure your relationship will work long-term? Many callers ask me this question almost every day. In my experience, there needs to be a balance of love, caring, respect and truth for any relationship to last. If you do not have these components in a relationship, more than likely it will not work out. If a relationship is out of balance, then it usually is too one-sided and not serving your highest good.
The key first step is to love and respect yourself, because when you love and respect yourself, you will also receive more love and respect from others. There is not much of a future for any relationship that is based on the self-sacrifice of one party. It never lasts and typically does not end well. Balance is required in matters of the heart.
Along with the respect you deserve in the way you are treated. it is loving, caring, and respectful? This is applicable to everyone in your life, including romantic partners, friends, co-workers, family, and relatives.
Respect is not only something we must demand, but we must also set boundaries for it in our daily life. When a boundary is repeatedly disregarded or violated by someone in your life, then something needs to change. This is when you have to say, enough.
Sometimes the hard decisions need to be made. If someone is not respecting you in your relationship, treating you poorly, and not meeting your most essential wants and needs, then it is time to make a change. Respect yourself enough to end it.
Too many people do not believe they deserve love and respect, for various reasons. The problem often begins in childhood. It is important to realize you do and to start loving yourself a little more – not in an egotistical way, but in a way that you love and respect yourself enough to want only the best for you and to no longer settle for anything less.