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Learning To Accept Yourself (Warts And All)
A consistent trend I have noticed doing psychic readings and metaphysical counseling for many years. This trend relates to rejection, and our reaction to being rejected by our human family. It is not natural to abandon or reject loved ones, but in my experience as a pastoral counselor and psychic healer, I have noticed that it is a challenge that many have faced in this life.
Recently, as I was doing a channeling session with one of my clients, this came up and we both had a revelation about our own experiences of rejection. The discussion we had was not only about rejection and how we as humans experience it, but also about how we perceive acceptance. Our experience of rejection comes from only one source, namely our expectation, and also how we resonate with the acceptance we receive from others.
When we are children it is natural for us to allow our parents to be our source. They were the picture of God in our lives, and in ideal situations they were our source of acceptance, providing nurture and stability. Many times, when you see a religious group adopting a vengeful and cruel depiction of the Divine, it stems from a refusal to remove the archetypal depiction from God they experienced with their parents.
Many times, the search for source extends itself outward, and the responsibility of our fulfillment is put on other people or organizations. In some cases, fulfillment is found in substances and can also lead to addictive behaviors. We look to these external ‘sources’ to provide us comfort and satisfaction.
It is natural for us to live in community and relationships, so our endeavors toward fulfillment are often projected outward in our relationships. Unfortunately, since we all have an intrinsic need to identify with and live from Source, we find ourselves continually reaching for fulfillment that we rarely find. This leads to heartache, loss, and broken relationships within the human family.
Quick Ways To Pick Yourself Up
We all have bad days. We get disappointing news or have an unpleasant interaction with someone. We all encounter setbacks and dark moments from time to time, as we journey through physical life. It’s part of the human experience.
These negative events may seem unfortunate, or even unnecessary when they occur, but they actually serve to create balance in our life. Without these contrasts we would never appreciate all the good things.
The important thing, however, is to not dwell on the negativity or misery, but to bounce back into alignment with our truth and the abundance and healing power of Spirit as soon as possible.
Some of my favorite ways to quickly pick myself up when I am feeling down include:
Inspirational Words
I love Unity Church’s Daily Word for this. I carry it around with me in my purse for just such occasions. You can also get it as an app for a smartphone. The short, daily reminders feature uplifting affirmations and a brief paragraph or two of inspirational writing on the theme for the day. I always find that they contain just what I needed to hear at that moment to help me gain a new, more positive outlook.
The True Power Of Words
What if a change as simple as the words you use could vastly improve your relationships with loved ones? And not just your choice of words, but also the tone and delivery. Healthy, successful relationships require constructive communication and often our relationships fail on our words alone.
Many people fall in love over time purely through conversations they have with each other. Relationships are usually ended with words alone, especially these days when getting unceremoniously dumped via text message is becoming increasingly common. Our choice of words and how we communicate them can evoke waves of joy and happiness, or they can cut like a knife.
We tend to take for granted the people in our lives. We become lazy and complacent and forget to express our gratitude and appreciation for the relationships we have with loved ones. It is vitally important that we adopt better, more spiritual ways to communicate with people who matter to us.
Have you ever stopped to think about the words you use with your loved ones? You most likely speak somewhat differently to total strangers. Or your choice of words is no longer what they used to when you were in love and the relationship was brand new. And how about the words we use when we talk to our children; are we uplifting and encouraging them, or causing them lifelong trauma?
Too often we say things we later wish we can take back. But if we always aim to think before we speak, and seek to choose the very best words, tone, and delivery, then we are much more likely to build the kind of relationships we desire and deserve.
Soul Circle Family Ties
Children choose their parents and families before they arrive in this world. In spiritual terms there is therefore no difference between a biological child and an adopted child. All souls belong to a soul group or soul circle, no matter what their chosen physical incarnation and human family structure may be.
The soul of an adopted child is just as much part of her family’s original soul circle as that of her sister, who chose instead to be physically born into the same family. They have both been part of their soul circle for eternity, and always will be.
Parents of adopted children, who also have biological children, will tell you that they feel the same spiritual and emotional bond with all their kids. They experience the same levels of attachment, connection, and love with each child. Spiritually aware parents often also report that they feel they have known the souls of both their adopted and biological children in previous lifetimes, or that there was an instant soul recognition the moment they first saw each child.
We choose our earth families, parents, and physical bodies before we are born. Our soul knows before birth the physical traits, capacities, and disabilities our body will have in this lifetime, as well as the talents, gifts, shortcomings, and limitations we will have in our chosen incarnation.
We also decide how we wish to join our chosen human families, including by birth, surrogacy, adoption, and even the blending of families. These choices our souls make are determined by our chosen soul purpose and life path. There are many karmic reasons why soul circle members may prefer adoption, instead of biological birth.
Laughter Is A Spiritual Superpower
I believe there are energies on this planet that feed off lower vibrations caused by fear, anger, depression, anxiety, jealousy, perversion, and hate. The more time we spend in such lower frequencies, the more we will attract even more of those negative energies.
On the opposite end of the energy spectrum, there is joy, love, forgiveness, light , positive thinking, and laughter that keep us in a higher vibration. Laughter is in fact one of the most powerful ways to raise our energy vibration. It even helps to heal our physical body and keeps our mind clear and our thoughts positive. It can be like a life raft that keeps us sane in a somewhat crazy world.
A sure sign that someone is going over to the ‘dark side,’ is when they lose their sense of humor. I’ve had friends who used to have a great sense of humor, until they were sucked into a dark mental state, some of them also using alcohol or drugs to self-medicate (which dramatically lowers our vibration). It’s quite alarming to witness the profound change in them. No more joking or upbeat banter. No more laughter. Not even a smile. Nothing.
I have a long-time friend who lately shows a complete lack of emotional connection. The first time I noticed this change with her was when realized she had stopped making jokes. She also stopped laughing at my jokes.
Throughout our friendship we have always relied on our like-minded sense of humor to deal with life’s challenges. We had used our sense of humor to manage the ridiculousness in life, and even our own dysfunctional behavior. Nothing is healthier than to be able to laugh at yourself!
But then she started losing empathy and interest in others. She increasingly became emotionally unavailable and dissociated. It has been sad and scary process to see my friend’s vibrant personality slowly fading. I have tried to reach out and lift her spirits, but she only checks in briefly from time to time, and then disappears again into the shadows.
In One Ear, And Out the Other
We have all had a frustrating conversation with someone that was just not listening at all. I call it ‘the lights are on, but nobody is home’ conversations. In my opinion the world would be a better place if we all communicate more clearly, sincerely, and kindly.
I have one friend with whom it is very easy to tell that she has checked out of a conversation. She gets that blank look in her eyes, vaguely staring into the distance, drifting off into her own thoughts. Then it becomes utterly pointless to continue the conversation with her, as I might as well be talking to myself.
One sure way to tell if a person has checked out of the conversation is when they keep checking their phone. How rude is that? What could possible be on that phone screen that is so much more important than a heartfelt, meaningful conversation with a friend?
During the pandemic, I did not see one of my best friends for more than two years. When we finally met up after all this time, she spent most of our time together checking her phone messages and scrolling her social media feeds. I guess I missed her company more, than she did mine.
Of course, we all ‘space out’ in conversation sometimes, but if it happens constantly then it may be time to find out why? One of the biggest challenges in any relationship is when people feel they are not being heard. Clear communication, sincere interest, and active listening are vital ingredients in a caring, supportive relationship.
Another important aspect in any conversation is our tone of voice. It is often not what we say, but how say it that matters most. It is always amazing to me when I hear someone talk to strangers in a manner and tone of voice that is much kinder and more sincere, than the tone they use with the people closest to them.
Honor Your True Self Without The Drama
Many of people spend a good portion of their lives trying to be who they think others expect them to be. Although it is important for our own safety and peace of mind to conform and abide by society’s customs and codes of conduct, it is also imperative that we feel free to authentically express ourselves – as long as it is not detrimental to the well-being of others.
These days it can be treacherous to speak your mind or express your true feelings in just about any context, but the most troublesome of places to do this is on social media platforms, where faceless strangers often attack each other mercilessly, and at times for no apparent reason.
Instead of exposing oneself publicly to the vitriol and ill-conceived opinions of random strangers, it is best to be true to ourselves within our personal circle of influence. Being yourself and living and authentic life does not require us to announce our true thoughts and innermost feelings to the entire world.
Of course, expressing your truth to those closest to us can be equally difficult. One key to successfully communicating is to truly listen with respect and consideration to the views of others. Often, we do not really hear what is being said, because we are frantically thinking of our own response to what we assume they are saying.
Actively listening to someone explaining their position can be a real test of patience sometimes, but it usually pays off in the end by way of mutual understanding, conflict resolution, or compromise.
Disagreeing without hostility and aggression is an art in itself. The world we currently live in can be a tinder box at times, with people overreacting to even the smallest perceived slight. We cannot control the beliefs, words and actions of others, but we can certainly manage our own.