friends
In One Ear, And Out the Other
We have all had a frustrating conversation with someone that was just not listening at all. I call it ‘the lights are on, but nobody is home’ conversations. In my opinion the world would be a better place if we all communicate more clearly, sincerely, and kindly.
I have one friend with whom it is very easy to tell that she has checked out of a conversation. She gets that blank look in her eyes, vaguely staring into the distance, drifting off into her own thoughts. Then it becomes utterly pointless to continue the conversation with her, as I might as well be talking to myself.
One sure way to tell if a person has checked out of the conversation is when they keep checking their phone. How rude is that? What could possible be on that phone screen that is so much more important than a heartfelt, meaningful conversation with a friend?
During the pandemic, I did not see one of my best friends for more than two years. When we finally met up after all this time, she spent most of our time together checking her phone messages and scrolling her social media feeds. I guess I missed her company more, than she did mine.
Of course, we all ‘space out’ in conversation sometimes, but if it happens constantly then it may be time to find out why? One of the biggest challenges in any relationship is when people feel they are not being heard. Clear communication, sincere interest, and active listening are vital ingredients in a caring, supportive relationship.
Another important aspect in any conversation is our tone of voice. It is often not what we say, but how say it that matters most. It is always amazing to me when I hear someone talk to strangers in a manner and tone of voice that is much kinder and more sincere, than the tone they use with the people closest to them.
Honor Your True Self Without The Drama
Many of people spend a good portion of their lives trying to be who they think others expect them to be. Although it is important for our own safety and peace of mind to conform and abide by society’s customs and codes of conduct, it is also imperative that we feel free to authentically express ourselves – as long as it is not detrimental to the well-being of others.
These days it can be treacherous to speak your mind or express your true feelings in just about any context, but the most troublesome of places to do this is on social media platforms, where faceless strangers often attack each other mercilessly, and at times for no apparent reason.
Instead of exposing oneself publicly to the vitriol and ill-conceived opinions of random strangers, it is best to be true to ourselves within our personal circle of influence. Being yourself and living and authentic life does not require us to announce our true thoughts and innermost feelings to the entire world.
Of course, expressing your truth to those closest to us can be equally difficult. One key to successfully communicating is to truly listen with respect and consideration to the views of others. Often, we do not really hear what is being said, because we are frantically thinking of our own response to what we assume they are saying.
Actively listening to someone explaining their position can be a real test of patience sometimes, but it usually pays off in the end by way of mutual understanding, conflict resolution, or compromise.
Disagreeing without hostility and aggression is an art in itself. The world we currently live in can be a tinder box at times, with people overreacting to even the smallest perceived slight. We cannot control the beliefs, words and actions of others, but we can certainly manage our own.
Don’t Walk On Eggshells Anymore!
Do you often find yourself around people that make you feel like you have to monitor every single thing you say, for fear you may be hurting their feelings? Do you constantly have to be cautious and guarded around certain people in your life, because they internalize everything you say? It really is like walking on eggshells!
I used to have a friend like that. At first I complied, but then one day I decided to start talking like I would normally talk to my other friends. I wanted to see what effect it would have on this person. Well, it actually helped in the end, as it soon made her see how silly she was being. In fact, she even confessed to how she felt bad for reacting as if the entire world revolved around her and her feelings. It turned out to be a meaningful opportunity for her personal growth.
Also, have you ever known anyone whom you shared some inner most concern or anxiety with, and they act like you are making a mountain out of a molehill? You trusted them by sharing your inner most fear or heartache, and they react like it is nothing or you are just being silly. They may even turn around and act as if what you are saying is just plain wrong, or irrelevant! As a highly sensitive person I have experienced this many times in my life and it’s no fun, trust me. And if you’re like me, you just stop talking to this person all together about anything that may deeply matter to you.
These interpersonal experiences can be frustrating and hurtful, but also very valuable to learn from. As soon as this kind of interaction happens with someone, it is useful to reflect on whom you can really trust and have faith in, and who not. If you become more aware of whom you surround yourself with, more people will come into your life that will truly hear you and really have compassion and a deep understanding of what you’re trying to impart. They will also be willing and able to give great advice and be a great sounding board for you, without being egotistical or simply uncaring!
The Transformational Power Of Self-Care
As you journey towards the end of the beautiful summer season, prioritize self-care, as this is one of the most important things you can do for your mind, body and soul.
What exactly is self-care? Self-care is any activity you do intentionally to take care of your mental, emotional, spiritual, or physical health and well-being. It’s about giving yourself the time and attention that you need to thrive.
When you take care of yourself, the most critical person in your world, you can better care for others, and do your work with greater purpose. It becomes easier to show up fully and more meaningfully for others in your life. In this manner, we can be more present with our loved ones, pursue our passions with greater focus, and feel happier overall.
By showing love to ourselves, we become more open to giving and receiving love from others. When we radiate love and peace, we attract more love and peace into our lives. It’s a beautiful cycle of giving and receiving that creates inner harmony and outer wellness.
It’s essential to find time each day to do something that relaxes and rejuvenates you, whether it is reading, going for a walk, or taking a yoga class. Self-care is vital because it helps you to stay healthy as a whole person.
Making time for yourself can relieve stress and tension, improving your overall health and well-being. Additionally, self-care can help you to avoid burnout on multiple levels.
Make sure to schedule time for yourself every day. You can use this time to do something you love without any obligations or expectations. Nurturing your happiness to be the best version of yourself for others is essential.
The Blessing Of True Friendship
Too often we make a self-limiting choices in life based on negative past experiences, which then keeps you from enjoying new, wonderful experiences, meeting new people, or learning a new talent or skill. To truly be free we must allow ourselves to let go and just be. We must remain willing to live an authentic life and selectively make ourselves vulnerable. Replaying the past over and over in your mind is draining and counter-productive.
I normally don’t open myself up easily to new friendships. I work with people all day, so that is how I get much of my social interaction. I love to help people and my clients are pretty much my family. I feel very connected to my regular callers, as they tend to be the most open-hearted and like-minded people. In my personal life I haven’t been so lucky, as many people are just not open to the alternative ideas, lifestyles and beliefs. In fact, some people are completely closed-off and narrow-minded about the mystical and the metaphysical.
I am not alone in this. A 2019 study, for example, revealed that the average American hasn’t made a new friend in five years. The study also found that he average american has three best friend and five reasonably good friends, as well as about eight people they like but do not spend any time with. However, this does not automatically guarantee that these people we consider to be our friends always feel the same way about us. A 2016 study found that this is probably only true for about half of friendships. Yes, only 50 percent of our perceived friendships are actually mutual and reciprocal!
Recently, I took a chance on a new friendship outside my work life, and I am very blessed to say that it reminded me that it’s okay to let the walls down so sometimes, and not to worry about stepping on toes or feeling like you have to walk on egg shells. I guess we just need to be smart about our choices. I have always been drawn to calm, centered, casual people who have a good sense of humor.
Empaths Need Firm Psychosocial Boundaries
Psychosocial balance is tricky for the empath. It requires managing expectations, checking our reactions and emotions, and most especially setting boundaries. Because it is so easy for us to link into the feelings and emotions of those around us, empaths often forget that others may not respond in kind.
For the empath it’s all about balancing your intuitive gifts with your expectations, and finally your responses. Work, friendships, relationships, all the things that encompass our daily lives, require vigilance to ensure that balance is maintained, or chaos will ensue.
For the Type A empath, jobs, friendships and relationships can end very abruptly with major repercussions. The more assertive empath tends to have the motto of “do unto others before they do unto you.” They will leave a job, a relationship or a friendship at the drop of a hat. The more subdued, timid empath tends to stay in miserable job situations, one-sided friendships, and sometimes downright abusive intimate relationships.
At work especially it is very important for all empaths to remember that there is almost always going to be some personality clashes. Others do not always view us favorably. Remember that you are there to do a job – your job. Staying focused on your work, the requirements of that job and your performance is your primary responsibility. Confronting someone, especially a superior, with “what’s your problem, I know you don’t like me” is counterproductive. Similarly the typical response of the introverted empath to quit, or at least never address any issues, is also futile.
Yes, it can be gut-wrenching or infuriating for empaths to know beyond a shadow of a doubt that a co-worker or boss doesn’t care for them, or has it out for them, but utilize your gift! As an empath you can read the feelings and intentions of others. This gives you a map to the personalities you are dealing with. Use that information to moderate your own responses to the situation and the individuals you are dealing with in your professional environment.
Some Days Are Diamonds
Some days in life stand out as exceptional, memorable and even magical. Personally, I have experienced several such days to date. I can recall each of these enchanted days vividly, because of the way everything seemed to fall into place perfectly, from start to finish. On these days there were amazing synchronicities with people, places, events and circumstances that all came together to create the perfect moment in time. In these moments I felt completely aligned within myself, everyone else around me, as well as the entire Universe.
It’s been a while since I had such an amazing day. The Covid-19 pandemic especially have played a role in this, causing for me a sense of disjointedness and isolation. I made a real effort to get out of the house as much as possible, even having lunch here and there by myself. I even attempted to strike up new friendships, but none of these connections quite gelled or there was a lack of follow-up on either side. I accept that those potential new friendships simply were not meant to be.
It is said that our deepest, longest-lasting friendships are formed earlier on in life. For me this is true, as I remain in touch on a daily basis with friends I left behind a few years ago when leaving South Africa. Some of those individuals have since scattered to various corners of the world, but many of us still stay in touch, even if only to touch base now and again. Then there are also those special friends that I communicate with almost every day, from Bali to South Africa, to South America, and beyond. We are blessed these days to have the internet to be able to do this.
I also formed some online friendships during the height of Covid pandemic through various spiritual and metaphysical groups online, and I have been keeping in touch with some of these acquaintances in other parts of the world.