dysfunctional behavior
Work Through The Fear, Obligation And Guilt (FOG)
Reflecting on my life I have found how many of my early life experiences have subconsciously influenced me, mostly due to a lack of awareness that allowed fear, a sense of obligation and guilt to remain hidden.
These hidden influences mostly come from my formative years and became obstacles I had to repeatedly struggle with in my adult life with regards relationships, career, finances, family and community.
Once I discovered these non-empowering beliefs, it was time for me to get out of the FOG (Fear, Obligation, Guilt). In hindsight, several things I was unaware of in my family’s dynamics, were actually ‘seeds’ hidden beneath the surface that in time sprouted into personal challenges and self-sabotage.
Fear
Fear and insecurity are frequent visitors for many of us in all areas of life. I was constantly focused on the negative and worst-case scenarios. This is because our brain is wired this way for the purpose of survival. Much of it also depends on our upbringing. So, we must recognize this and catch ourselves early on, in order to shift our thoughts and emotions in a positive direction.
We must be cognitive of our behaviors and explore where in our life we have learned these negative, fear-based responses. Fear is a natural part of life, but can easily become a ‘whack-a-mole’ of frustration, anxiety, uncertainty and indecision, always showing up at the most inconvenient times.
The Real Truth About Finding Love
I have been doing psychic readings for almost 20 years now, and the one topic that seems to come up most consistently is romantic love. The main issue that comes up all too frequently in these readings is a confusion about what love really is, and how to find true love.
The first thing I need to point out here is that the idea of ‘finding love’ is completely off-base to begin with. The notion that love must be ‘found’ makes very little from a metaphysical and spiritual perspective, and it is often the main reason why some people find their romantic relationships so challenging.
To say that one must ‘find love’ implies that love is somehow missing, lost, or in hiding. It suggests that love is limited and scarce, and that the experience of love is hidden and very complicated to access. The truth is that love is a transcendent, limitless force, and there is only one love that we all have equal access to.
This is another quandary that people have when they are looking to manifest romantic love in their life – they try to separate love into categories. Yes, there are different expressions of love, but in the end there is only one love. And everyone has access to it. Love is less about finding the ‘right circumstances’ and more about aligning with the vibe of love.
So, what is love? Is it ‘unconditional?’ In my view this is just another way of saying that love is limited. It also implies that there are two different forms of love – conditional and unconditional. This makes no sense, because there is only one love and this one love is always unconditional. Love is unconditional acceptance.
In my experience, this is what most of us are really looking for: unconditional acceptance. We experience love when we unconditionally accept ourselves, others, and our circumstances.
Authentic Feelings Are Not Always ‘Sunshine And Rainbows’
What a comfortable, easy life this would be if everyone could just feel like ‘sunshine and rainbows’ all the time. The truth is that the many of the most worthwhile things in life do not come from ‘easy’ and ‘comfortable.’ And when we suppress our true feelings, it is ultimately detrimental to our health body, mind, and spirit.
Revealing our true feelings does not come easily for many of us. I am not trying to make up an excuse, but I just was not brought up that way. My parents’ generation were masters of the art of concealing their true feelings, good or bad. When I am doing a mediumship reading, and a departed parent or grandparent shows up, they often say things like, “I wish I told you more often how much I love you.”
I could count on one hand the moments in my childhood that I can remember my parents showing affection for each other in front of us children. Those of us who had been brought up in such a stoic family environment, tend to struggle when are encouraged to express our deepest emotions. As an adult, I do however see the bigger picture today. And I do feel it is necessary to express one’s feelings in a considerate and healthy way.
In my family my parents also never argued in front of us kids. My dad just gave my mom the silent treatment. We grew up thinking he was just be the ‘strong silent type.’ Consequently, I felt that this was what communication in a marriage should be like.
Of course, reality hit me badly with my first marriage, when my ex-husband and I had our first serious argument! I thought it meant the marriage was now over, because I had no coping skills or frame of reference for this kind of authentic self-expression in a relationship. I also had no clue how to have a good, healthy argument.
The Spiritual Symbolism Of The Pelican
When a bird flies directly onto your path, or you see images or photos of the same bird repeatedly, within a relatively short space of time, this is often a spiritual sign that the energy of this bird is calling or guiding you.
I live on the coast and I am lucky to be able to watch various seabirds, and encounter other birds drawn to the local water ways. The pelican is one bird that has specifically caught my attention. The day I was inspired to paint this amazing bird, he literally strutted down the hallway of my home!
Even to this day, pelican continues to literally soar into my experience whenever I need to draw on his wisdom. Even though they seem large and clumsy, there is something gentle and caring about their nature. If pelican has waddled or soared onto your path, let his wisdom and symbolism guide your way.
I started building my connection with the pelican’s energy by observing and sketching the local birds. Through the process I found a sense of awe for the pelican’s beauty, which was a shift in my perception, as I had never before considered them to be very attractive birds.
I also noticed they followed a set routine, and similar flight paths, depending on the weather. It inspired me to become more aware of my own patterns and habits. At this time my work schedule had become somewhat unbalanced and dysfunctional, without me being aware of the impact. Pelican taught me that it is vital for my self-care to ensure that I work within a routine and structure that better supports my creative outlets and energy levels.
Choose Kindness – A Message From My Guides
In these times of uncertainty, worry and fear, we urge you to step back and let kindness prevail. It is more important than ever to take a breath before reacting to what might normally seem to be an insensitive comment, or blatant oversight.
Even people who are usually even-tempered and relaxed can currently be on edge after months of sheltering in place, and it is impossible to understand what every individual may be going through right now, or how difficult their circumstances might be day-to-day. This does not condone their negative behavior, but it does give you an opportunity to rise above the fray, before responding in kind.
Keep in mind that, although everyone is currently in the same boat, each situation is entirely different. One person might have very limited finances, and truly worry about putting food on the table. Another might be a single parent, with children to home school, in spite of having to leave their home every day to also work as a first responder or an essential service worker. No two sets of circumstances are alike, and to each individual their personal challenges will be of paramount importance.
Listen before reacting. Pause. Try to empathize with the other person’s point-of-view, instead of the way it is being presented. Try to see past a short-tempered response, or erratic explanation. A smile and a patient ear will often diffuse a tense situation.
The good news is that the circumstances in your world are gradually improving, and there are many positive occurrences on the horizon. The Sun continues to rise every day, while thousands of scientists and medical experts are working around the world to bring about vaccines and treatments to fight this latest suffering. Millions more have ramped up their service in offering medical, emotional and financial support to those in need. Each day, there is another glimmer of hope in many different parts of the world.
Transmuting The Negative Energy Of Self-Sabotage
In many religions and spiritual wisdom traditions we find guidelines on healing and mind-body wellness. Many of these philosophies, in conjunction with modern medicine, can be a great aid for mind, body and soul. In all spiritual traditions there are usually rules or recommendations aimed at the well-being of society as a whole, as well as each individual soul. Many of these teachings warn us of dangers we might find in our own thought, choices and actions. And if we are unaware or careless, a damaging thought or action can turn into a harmful pattern.
Recognizing a damaging thought or behavior pattern in our lives is not easy. We might realize that someone else makes the same mistakes over and over, but it may be difficult to have the same insight about ourselves. We create the imagined walls of our own limitations, and abide by them, without being aware of making this decision. These limiting, destructive thoughts and actions that appear repeatedly in our lives – especially those demeaning, self-sabotaging, angry thoughts – are in essence negative energy vibrations. A few example of such thoughts can be:
I am useless and incompetent.
I am not strong enough.
Nobody cares about me.
I do not deserve better.
I hate myself.
How To Be Patient In Times Of Crisis
Just about every day, we face some sort of obstacle, delay in communication, or a situation that doesn’t go our way. And in times of an unexpected crisis, our first response is too assume the worst, or panic.
Negative feelings can creep up and overtake the mind, sending us into fits of rage, sadness or disillusionment, due to the lack of patience in surrendering our control and allowing those emotions to pass with total acceptance.
When we become impatient, our entire being is out of balance and the auric energy field becomes muddy and chaotic. Agitation and strain then become the primary motivator, and there is a loss of self-awareness within.
Impatience never makes things happen faster, or better, and the worst way this can manifest is when we try to force an issue, or get a person to instantly say yes, or go along with our vision.
Whenever impatience or uncomfortable feelings arise, it’s vital to make a conscious effort to redirect that negativity and nip it in the bud, so you can stay calm during the toughest times. Here are some strategies to help alleviate impatience when your feeling triggered.
Breathing
Take several deep breaths from your stomach and exhale out the stress, focusing on your third eye as you release your breath. Think of something funny or inspirational so you don’t unleash unnecessary aggression.