The Real Truth About Finding Love

I have been doing psychic readings for almost 20 years now, and the one topic that seems to come up most consistently is romantic love. The main issue that comes up all too frequently in these readings is a confusion about what love really is, and how to find true love.

The first thing I need to point out here is that the idea of ‘finding love’ is completely off-base to begin with. The notion that love must be ‘found’ makes very little from a metaphysical and spiritual perspective, and it is often the main reason why some people find their romantic relationships so challenging.

To say that one must ‘find love’ implies that love is somehow missing, lost, or in hiding. It suggests that love is limited and scarce, and that the experience of love is hidden and very complicated to access. The truth is that love is a transcendent, limitless force, and there is only one love that we all have equal access to.  

This is another quandary that people have when they are looking to manifest romantic love in their life – they try to separate love into categories. Yes, there are different expressions of love, but in the end there is only one love. And everyone has access to it. Love is less about finding the ‘right circumstances’ and more about aligning with the vibe of love.

So, what is love? Is it ‘unconditional?’ In my view this is just another way of saying that love is limited. It also implies that there are two different forms of love – conditional and unconditional. This makes no sense, because there is only one love and this one love is always unconditional. Love is unconditional acceptance.  

In my experience, this is what most of us are really looking for: unconditional acceptance. We experience love when we unconditionally accept ourselves, others, and our circumstances.

You can never love another person unless you are equally involved in the beautiful but difficult spiritual work of learning to love yourself ~ John O’Donohue

The Universal Law of Attraction states that we attract life experiences based on our current state of consciousness and our energy vibration. Simply put, it means that like attracts like. An abundance mindset will attract more abundance, while a limitation mindset will attract more limitation.

Therefore, an accurate understanding of love is important to attract more of it. The idea that love exists ‘out there’ would mean that love is limited and scarce, and such a conscious alignment with limitation, or a scarcity mentality, can therefore only create and attract more limitation and scarcity.

So how do we create and attract true love? The only way to really align with love is to start with the self. You will never allow another person to love you, unless you love yourself first. Even if you are already in an ‘ideal’ relationship, if you do not love yourself, you will sabotage the experience or struggle to grow the relationship.  

People who do not love themselves, tend to be insecure in relationship and will always doubt or distrust their partners. Without self-love as a foundation there will always be a fundamental belief that we do not deserve to be loved. It makes it difficult to believe that others genuinely love us. Asking your partner, “Do you really love me?” is equivalent to saying, “I don’t trust that you are telling me the truth.” And without trust there is no relationship.

Another reason why self-love is such an important quality is because it prevents us from settling for less than our highest good. When we love ourselves, we can say no to dysfunctional and abusive behavior. We never feel like we are ‘losing something’ when we walk away from bad behavior, because self-love is self-sustaining. True, there is no perfect relationship, but people that do not truly love and accept themselves, will often put up with all kinds of nonsense in relationships.

Spiritual love is a position of standing with one hand extended into the universe and one hand extended into the world, letting ourselves be a conduit for passing energy ~ Christina Baldwin

The past can also inhibit our ability to manifest the love that we say we want. There are many people that experience resentment, guilt, or blame, due to past situations. The truth is that every person is really doing the best that they can with the understanding and consciousness that they have. The past is over and done, and it really doesn’t have power over us.  However, people will often hold on to resentments, guilt, or blame for many years and constantly create the same experiences again and again. Holding on to the past only keeps us stuck in those vibes of lack and limitation.

Criticism and judgment of others also keeps people stuck in loveless experiences. Accepting others as they are is a major factor in what we ultimately experience in our romantic life.  When we are critical and judgmental of others, we are limiting the flow of love. Accepting others does not mean that you must overlook bad behavior, or be best friends with negative people. In fact, when self-love is your foundation, then creating boundaries with negative people comes easily and naturally. However, constant judgment and criticism of others can keep you stuck in self-limiting vibes.

Being in the vibe of love creates an entirely new experience of reality. Love allows us to tap into the vibe of joy. It does take practice, but the rewards are worth it! There is a reason why several religious faiths and spiritual traditions hold the concept of love as its primary goal. Love is the evolutionary paradigm that brings meaning and value to life. It’s the reason why we are here.