Overcoming Your Inner Saboteur

Have you ever wondered why people sometimes try to ruin an ideal opportunity in their life, or deliberately sabotage a promising relationship?

Even though I have done thousands of readings over the years, I cannot help but still be surprised when I work with people who are in the process of sabotaging a wonderful relationship or alienating a loving, caring partner. Reading for people of all ages and walks of life around the world has shown me that this behavior is relatively common.

Not all psychic readings are about difficult relationships, difficult or cheating partners, or boring marriages. Sometimes they are about perfectly wonderful relationships that one of the partners is doing their best to destroy!

In these relationships, the saboteur consciously or unconsciously creates a toxic scenario or behaves in a dysfunctional way that will ultimately lead to a breakup. For example, the saboteur will begin to find fault with their partner, subtly push them away, or find reasons to walk away from the commitment.

Relationship readings for self-saboteurs often begin with them saying something like: “Well, things are rosy now, but they always start out that way,” or “Knowing my luck, she’ll soon get bored with me,” or “To be honest, things are so good with him, I’m just waiting for the other shoe to drop!”

It reminds me of my grandmother, who was abandoned by my grandfather when my mother and her sister were very young. She used to say, “All men are gorillas!” I later realized that my mother had adopted the same mindset.

Turn down the volume of your negative inner voice and create a nurturing inner voice to take its place ~ Beverly Engel

Fortunately, Spirit led me to a deeper understanding of this problem many years ago when I found the book Sacred Contracts: Awakening Your Divine Potential, by well-known author and medical intuitive Carolyn Myss. Her book delves into the concept of archetypes and how they influence our lives, providing a framework for understanding our soul purpose and spiritual development through the lens of archetypal patterns.

Archetypes are universally recognized symbols, themes, or patterns that are deeply rooted in human history and culture and are found in many myths, legends, folklore, and religious narratives around the world. Archetypal characters and motifs are the universal prototypes for our fairy tales and stories, dreams and fantasies, and literary and artistic expressions across cultures and historical periods.

Swiss psychiatrist Carl Jung played a major role in popularizing and formalizing the concept in psychology. He expanded on the idea of archetypes as universal, innate psychological patterns or primal symbols that reside in the collective unconscious of humanity. He believed that these archetypes shape our behavior, thoughts, and emotions and influence how we perceive and interact with the world.

Throughout his work in analytical psychology, Jung identified numerous archetypes. Some of the most prominent are the Self, the Persona, the Shadow, the Anima and Animus, the Hero, and the Wise Elder.

For example, the fairy tale character of Cinderella embodies the Hero archetype as she overcomes adversity, defeats obstacles, and ultimately finds her happily ever after. The Fairy Godmother in this popular tale represents the Wise Elder archetype who provides support, advice, and guidance. Cinderella’s wicked stepmother embodies the Shadow archetype, representing the repressed, darker side of human nature. In fairy tales and myths, characters representing the Shadow often manifest as villains or antagonists who symbolize fear, envy, cruelty, and other negative traits.

Stop walking through the world looking for confirmation that you don’t belong. You will always find it because you’ve made that your mission ~ Brené Brown

The Saboteur Archetype

In Sacred Contracts, Carolyn Myss introduces The Saboteur archetype and explores how this inner blueprint works within us to undermine our success, happiness and well-being.

The Saboteur represents the part of us that undermines our best efforts and intentions. It can manifest as procrastination, negative self-talk, self-doubt, and destructive behavior. It often stems from a deep-seated fear of change, success and the responsibility that comes with it. This fear can prevent us from pursuing opportunities and achieving our goals.

Recognizing and acknowledging the presence of The Saboteur within us is the first step in overcoming its influence. Myss emphasizes the importance of becoming aware of how and when The Saboteur archetype operates in our being. By understanding the motivations and fears that drive our inner saboteur, we can begin to transform these patterns. This involves exploring the underlying insecurities and addressing them directly.

A fairy tale character that captures many of the traits of The Saboteur archetype is Rumpelstiltskin. He makes a deal with the miller’s daughter to spin straw into gold in exchange for her firstborn child. He sabotages himself through his own actions and choices, driven by greed, malice, deception, narcissism, and lack of foresight. In the end, it leads to his own downfall when the miller’s daughter discovers his true name and defeats him.

Once we learn to stop judging ourselves, we can look upon our lesser talents with compassion ~ Karen Rinaldi

Why Do We Self-Sabotage?

Self-sabotage behaviors can be conscious or unconscious and are influenced by various psychological and emotional factors. Here are some common causes of self-sabotage:

Low self-esteem: People with low self-esteem often feel unworthy of success and happiness, leading them to sabotage their own efforts.

Fear of failure: Fear of not meeting expectations or facing failure can cause people to undermine their own efforts to avoid potential disappointment.

Fear of success: Success can bring new challenges, responsibilities, and expectations. Fear of these changes can lead individuals to self-sabotage in order to stay within their comfort zone.

Unresolved trauma: Past trauma, especially from childhood, can affect current behaviors and lead to self-sabotaging actions as a defense mechanism.

Perfectionism: The desire for perfection can prevent individuals from taking action, leading to procrastination and avoidance of opportunities that could lead to failure.

Negative self-talk: Persistent negative thoughts about oneself can undermine confidence and motivate self-sabotaging behavior.

Insecure attachment: Insecure attachment styles, often formed in early childhood, can lead people to engage in relationship-sabotaging behaviors out of fear of abandonment or intimacy.

Lack of coping skills: An inability to effectively manage stress and emotions can lead individuals to engage in self-sabotaging behaviors as a way to cope with their feelings.

Comfort zone: People often sabotage themselves to stay in their comfort zone, avoiding the risks and uncertainties associated with change and growth.

Impostor syndrome: People who suffer from impostor syndrome doubt their abilities and fear being exposed as a fraud, leading them to undermine their own success.

Self-criticism and negative thoughts about yourself will attract people who reflect this back to you, showing critical behavior and can abuse you physically ~ Hina Hashmi

How To Overcome Self-Sabotage

Overcoming self-sabotage requires a multifaceted approach that addresses the psychological, behavioral, and spiritual aspects of the self. Strategies such as therapy, self-awareness exercises, and building healthier habits can help you break the cycle of self-sabotage and reach your full potential. Some practical steps and strategies include

Self-awareness: Become more self-aware to identify patterns of self-sabotage. Understanding the causes of your tendency to self-sabotage is the first step in overcoming these thought patterns, false beliefs, and dysfunctional behaviors. Cultivate mindfulness through daily meditation, which helps you observe your thoughts and impulses without judgment. Engage in introspective practices such as journaling and divination to identify self-sabotaging behaviors and thought patterns.

Positive self-talk: Replace self-critical thoughts with more compassionate and empowering ones. Use affirmations or positive statements to reprogram your mindset and silence your inner critic.

Self-compassion: Treat yourself with kindness and understanding, especially when you experience setbacks. Practice self-compassion exercises to cultivate a nurturing attitude toward yourself.

Triggers and beliefs: Explore the triggers or situations that lead to self-sabotage. Examine the underlying beliefs or fears that fuel self-sabotaging behaviors.

Realistic goals: Break down larger goals into smaller, achievable steps. Celebrate progress and small victories along the way.

Positive actions: Replace negative habits with positive actions. Set small, achievable goals to build confidence and gradually reduce the saboteur’s power.

Support: Reach out to friends, family, a therapist, or a reputable spiritual advisor for support and encouragement. Join support groups or communities where you can share experiences and learn from others.

Accountability: Share your goals with someone who can hold you accountable. Consider working with a coach or mentor for guidance and accountability.

Self-care: Prioritize activities that nourish your body, mind, and spirit, such as exercise, a healthy diet, and adequate rest. Engage in activities that bring you joy and relaxation.

Spiritual practice: Connect with your inner wisdom through practices such as meditation, prayer, or journaling. Work with energy healing modalities such as Reiki, crystals, chakra balancing, or acupuncture to address energetic imbalances and release energetic blockages and limiting beliefs. Use visualization techniques to visualize yourself overcoming obstacles and achieving your goals. Work with a spiritual healer or therapist trained in energy psychology or shadow work to address deeper emotional wounds.

Empowerment: Focus on empowering yourself by developing confidence and resilience. Celebrate successes, no matter how small, to reinforce positive behavior.

Remember that overcoming self-sabotage is a journey that requires patience, persistence, and self-nurturing. It’s important to find strategies that resonate with you personally and to approach the process with openness and curiosity.