life drama
Should You Get Back With Your Ex?
Getting back with an ex can be challenging, especially if it ended badly the first time around. On one hand, it can be an opportunity to repair the damage and make things work, while on the other it can be a difficult decision with a variety of potential pitfalls.
Should you get back with your ex? It depends on you, your ex, and your unique situation. The pros and cons of getting back together varies depending on the people involved, the nature of the relationship, and the current circumstances. The advantages, opportunities and challenges of getting back with an ex may include the following:
Familiarity
One of the main advantages of reconnecting with your ex is the familiarity. You already know each other, so you don not have to start from scratch. This can be a great advantage, as it allows you to jump deeper into the ‘new’ relationship without having to first discover each other’s likes, dislikes, habits, quirks, expectations, hopes and dreams.
Getting back with an ex can be a great way to re-establish a comfortable relationship. You already know how to communicate with each other, you know what the other person needs and wants, and you know how to make each other happy. This familiarity can be very comforting, especially if it’s been a while since you last saw each other.
Healing From A Relationship Break-Up
Breaking up with someone can be one of the most difficult experiences in life, especially when it is a long and deeply meaningful relationship. It can feel impossible to see any future without that person and very difficult to move on and find joy in life again.
I find many of my clients do not realize that dealing with a break-up or divorce is very similar to processing the bereavement and grief associated with the passing of a loved one. It is often accompanied by agonizing sorrow, intense feelings of despair, and an all-encompassing sense of loss and confusion.
According to clinical psychologist Dr. Tricia Wolanin it is actually “the death of a relationship, hopes and dreams for the future. The person we are losing was a big part of our world and therefore has taken up so much of our mental and heart space.”
It is however possible to recover, heal and move on after any breakup or divorce. In my work I have found the following strategies to be helpful for clients who go through this kind of life challenge.
Avoid Major Life Decisions
It is usually not a good idea to make any important life decisions if you are working through the aftermath of a breakup. This includes changing your job or career, relocating, or making other drastic changes to your life. It is vital to take some time to heal and reflect on the situation before making hasty life-changing decisions that you may later live to regret.
Focus On Your Own Karma
I often get questions about karma, vengeance, and divine justice from clients when I do readings. Will the haters get what’s coming to them? Will karma finally get my cheating ex? Will my abusive employer get his comeuppance someday? If so, how long will it take for them to feel the hurt and pain they inflicted on me?
When someone calls me hoping to hear that the other person will get their ‘karma,’ it usually relates to a recent incident and they feel like the rug has been pulled from under them – especially when the attack or betrayal was seemingly unfounded. They usually hope for immediate, soul-crushing retribution!
In my own life, I have not experienced such ‘instant karma.’ In fact, true karmic debt is a very slow turning wheel. Expecting immediate payback is a lost cause and a foolish pursuit. Revenge is sweet, they say, but the spiritual truth is that seeking venegeance will only add to your own karmic debt. If someone has hurt or wronged us, the pain will ease over time. Time heals all wounds, even if the scars remain.
The only meaningful ‘payback’ I have ever experienced in my own life, was the times when I received apologies from loved ones on the other side in mediumship readings. Those messages all came from the souls of family members who have completed their life review after their transition. Once we cross over into the spirit realm, we always get new clarity and an expanded understanding of our actions, or lack thereof, and how it has caused harm to others. For some souls this process takes much longer than for others.
This happened to me on several occasions over the years, with various mediums relaying spirit messages of remorse, apologies, and loved ones asking for my forgiveness. In every instance the ‘perpetrator’ had no idea of the impact they had had on me while they were in this life. Some of them also explained that their hurtful actions were due to a learned dysfunctional behaviors and trauma from their own life experiences, especially from childhood.
The Wisdom Of The Cuckoo
Over the past year, I have become fascinated with birds, particularly thrushes. They are small to medium-sized ground birds that feed mostly on insects and fruit. My interest began with the American robin, but soon branched out to other thrushes worldwide, such as the fieldfare, the Eurasian blackbird, and olive thrush of Southern Africa.
One peculiar species I accidentally stumbled upon is the well-known, and also notorious cuckoo. Apart from being famous as the key feature in ornate wooden clocks from Germany, the cuckoo is also infamous for being a ‘parasitic’ bird that lays its eggs in other birds’ nests.
Yes, the cuckoo does not raise its own young. Instead, it takes advantage of other bird parents by laying in their nests. Once the egg hatches, the cuckoo chick attempts to push the other bird species’ eggs out of their nest, thus monopolizing the surrogate parents’ energy. The cuckoo chick typically also grows much bigger than the natural offspring of its adopted parents.
Watching some videos of cuckoos online, I became aware of many negative comments on YouTube about these amazing birds. Many folks apparently choose to regard the cuckoo as a devious villain of the natural world. However, I don’t see it that way at all.
Being a co-parent myself, who had to depend on my ex-husband to provide much of the care for my two children when they were younger, due to my personal health challenges after a near-death experience (NDE), I feel empathy for the cuckoo’s eccentricity and the unusual value it brings to the animal kingdom.
Control Is The Opposite of Love
I have learned that communication glitches and other side-effects of a Mercury retrograde can actually offer us valuable life lessons if we choose to pay attention.
For example, during the recent retrograde my daughter suffered a migraine on a day she was supposed to visit me. I decided not to pick her up, because she said she was not feeling strong enough. She is prediabetic and I pray and light candles for her daily.
So, I texted her a get-well soon message along with an animated chicken soup meme. Feeling worried about her, I checked in periodically throughout the day see if she had received her ‘virtual chicken soup.’ But the message read receipt only showed ‘delivered.’ No read receipt.
The next day, the text message suddenly showed it had been ‘read,’ but it had the previous afternoon’s timestamp? I noticed a similar phenomenon when co-parenting communication with my daughter’s father also suddenly failed repeatedly and produced delayed read receipts.
Instead of becoming frustrated about it, I contemplated the matter and came to an enlightening conclusion. Spirit clearly said to me, “The need for control is the opposite of love’s vibration.”
This is so very true. Controlling energy is toxic energy. It was a gentle reminder that I need to keep working on releasing my desire to try and be in perfect control of everything in my life at all times.
When we constantly feel the need to control every aspect of our day, rather than letting the energies of universal love, joy and abundance flow freely in our life, we block our blessings and personal growth.
Helping Children Navigate Divorce
When parents get divorced it is always difficult for the entire family. Navigating through this time is usually challenging. There is also no manual or guidebook for how to do things the right way, so parents have to figure it out as they go.
Same with the children. It can be very scary for them not knowing what to expect and sometimes feeling obligated to take sides. It can be a very sad, stressful time for children, especially when parents are so caught up in their disputes and drama that they lose sight of what is best for their kids. The kids are not the ones getting the divorce.
However, I believe most parents really do try to do their best to soften the blow and make it work for everyone involved.
Children tend to want to please their parents and not cause further upset. So, tend to not speak up. They sometimes suppress their feelings of hurt, resentment or fear. Sometime children feel like they need to choose one parent over another.
Everyone needs to feel they are being heard and their needs considered. It is therefore best to listen to all sides before making decisions. Going through this process can be tricky. You do not want your child to feel neglected or abandoned in the process.
Understanding your children’s needs and feelings, and dealing with it, is the first step into helping your child get through it with the least amount of trauma. If a parent finds this difficult to ascertain, then it is wise for them to get some professional help and guidance.
Are You Stuck In Victim Mode?
We all have had at least one very bad experience in our lives: a twist of fate, a major setback, an intense trauma, a tragic loss. In these moments of extreme adversity, we are usually victims of circumstances beyond our control.
But these challenging life events typically serve a higher purpose. Everything happens for a reason. It is therefore vital that we gather whatever hard-earned wisdom, personal growth or self-empowerment we possibly can from such experiences. If we do not, our suffering would have been in vain.
We can only accomplish this if we get up, dust ourselves off, find resilience within, and courageously begin to move forward.
Sadly, some people tend to become stuck in victim mode long after these experiences. This obviously does not promote their personal growth and well-being, nor does it improve or change their life for better. On the contrary, as long as we remain trapped in a victim mentality, the negative life experience will have served no purpose and the hardship we suffered will have been in vain.
All the challenges, lessons and trials in our life are invitations and opportunities for us to grow and expand. This is true transformation. Easy lives are meaningless lives.
Now, we are sometimes allowed to complain and say ‘life sucks,’ because from at times we also get caught up in the learning and transformation processes of other people. However, we are also allowed to consciously reject that. We are not required to take on the lessons of others.