truth
Breaking Free From A Toxic Family Curse
Over the past year and a half, I have been working with a client who grew up in one of the most toxic families I have ever encountered in my work. It has been a long time since I have been so moved by a client’s tragic story and ancestral legacy. With her permission, I thought it might be helpful to share some of her experiences.
She was raised by an extremely narcissistic mother who manipulated and emotionally abused her for most of her life with belittling scapegoating and harsh criticism, until she finally managed to break free and set healing, healthy boundaries.
But once those long overdue boundaries were in place, she suddenly discovered that her siblings had taken it upon themselves to continue their mother’s toxic behavior toward her! While she thought she had finally found some peace in her life, and could safely confide in her siblings about her healing journey, she soon found out how wrong she was.
Until recently, she had openly shared her thoughts and feelings about her mother with her siblings. They, in turn, wholeheartedly agreed and confided that they felt the same way. As her younger siblings, they claimed to have endured similar abuse from their mother. No matter what they said or did, they were also constantly verbally attacked and criticized by her.
Meanwhile, none of her siblings claims were true. As the family scapegoat she was in fact the only one who endured all their mother’s abuse. I tried to caution her every time we did a reading, but she suffered betrayal blindness when it came to her siblings, in the same way she did for many years with her mom.
Betrayal Blindness And The Family Scapegoat
I have a good friend who was raised by a mother who constantly belittled and talked down to her. She never defended herself, because she grew up believing that she deserved her mother’s abuse, because something was wrong with her causing her to always say and do the wrong things.
Once she graduated high school, she moved out of her mom’s house. Her life became much more peaceful for several years, until she started noticing that her brother was following in their mother’s footsteps by adopting the same kind of toxic, abusive language towards her.
It oddly became evident to her one year at Christmas time, when she gifted him a beautiful, crocheted blanket that she had been working on for many months and he rolled his eyes and made some disparaging remark about it. She then started noticing how pompous, ungrateful, and narcissistic he truly was. Growing up with him, she always assumed he just had bit of an ego or a macho attitude, but now that she had gained life experience and wisdom, she realized he was simply an abusive jerk.
Still, she chose not to criticize or judge him. In fact, she did the opposite, she encouraged his long-suffering partner to stay by his side and continue to support and love him, because she understood that he was also just a product of his upbringing, like herself. Meanwhile, he faithfully continued judging and belittling her. Because that is what he had seen their mother do all his life.
But one day, something inside her finally shifted. She had reached a point of no return and decided to start standing up for herself! Enough already.
Follow Your Passion And Truth
In Native American tradition, human existence and well-being is based on the Medicine Wheel, also known as the Sacred Hoop, that consists of the Four Directions, Father Sky, Mother Earth, and the Spirit Tree. Together these ‘spokes’ of the wheel honor all aspects of human existence, growth, balance, and well-being: physical, emotional, mental, and spiritual.
In each lifetime, we are destined to achieve progress in one or more of these areas until, finally, after many incarnations, all the ‘spokes’ of our wheel are complete – all the way from the inner hub to the outer rim. At that point, we have completed our various missions through many incarnations in a myriad of schoolrooms, and we finally achieve ascended mastery.
When all our spokes are complete, we leave this dense, earthly dimension and arrive at the highest plane of existence, the realm of the Great Spirit, traditionally known as the ‘Hunting Grounds of the Ancestors,’ and since the arrival of Christianity, as ‘Heaven.’
In this state we never need to descend again, and will remain infinitely in the higher dimension. We are liberated from the endless cycle of rebirth and reach a new level of consciousness and enlightened existence, known as nirvana in Buddhism, moksha in Hindusim, and eternal life in Christianity.
As a result, from a spiritual stand-point, we are offered a smorgasbord of options and choices that we may need for our particular journey in this lifetime. The enthusiasm and passion we feel when we are guided to a particular path is spirit directing us toward the ‘curriculum’ we need to complete in order to achieve our ultimate goal of transcendence in one or more spokes of our wheel.
The True Meaning Of Judgment
Judgment is card 20 in the Tarot’s Major Arcana. Arcana means “hidden things, mysteries,” from the Latin arcanum meaning “a secret, a mystery” and arcanus meaning “secret, hidden, private, concealed.” Arcana are therefore “pieces of mysterious knowledge or information.”
In a standard Tarot deck, there are 21 Major Arcana cards. They define The Fool’s journey (the first card) through life and all of the life lessons we encounter along the way. As one of the final stages in The Fool’s journey, the Judgment card represents having learned sufficient lessons to now awaken from the illusion and limited perceptions.
The most well-known tarot deck is the Rider–Waite. Pamela Coleman Smith, aka “Pixie,” was a British artist who illustrated the deck. She deserves much credit for the brilliant way she captured advanced spiritual concepts in the deck’s artwork.
The Rider–Waite Judgment card depicts three resurrected figures, a woman, man, and child, reaching up to an Archangel overhead blowing a trumpet as a wake-up call. The scene is based on Christian imagery representing the Resurrection and Last Judgment. The flag of St. George hangs from the trumpet, which references 1 Corinthians 15 in The Bible.
The Judgment card reminds us that no matter what our background may be, we can rise up and transcend any trauma or adversity in life, regardless how challenging the situation. We also have the power to see through the illusion of life and wake up to the truth.
From Fictional Self To Authentic Self
A new concept that seems to be going around a lot lately in the spiritual community is to be your ‘authentic self.’ But what does this really mean? How do you know who your authentic self is? Heck, you may say, “I’m still trying to find out what my life purpose is, never mind who I truly am!”
Well, as a result of our education, our upbringing, our family dynamics, our job, and such, when we are asked the question “who are you,” we resort to answers such as: a mom, a dad, engineer, doctor, janitor. We tend to express our identity by what work we do, what credentials we have, and what society or our community has told us to be. We are bombarded by social, political, environmental and family expectations that can overwhelm us in modern life.
On top of this, the world today seems to be in chaos. There is distrust everywhere, and we have to contend with challenges like identity theft and social peer pressure. Yet, we are now also expected to know our authentic self? “God, help me, I don’t have time to look for that! I have the kids to take care of, work deadlines to keep, dinner and laundry to do, and I urgently need to sign up for an exercise program to reduce my weight!”
It is never ending, you say. Your authentic self is somewhere, you just don’t know where and no time to find it. But that is just the point! All these things we are expected to do are there because of the pressure we put on ourselves. As we look through our colored lenses of self-inflicted expectations and the social pressure we have learned from family or peers, we lose touch with who we really are, and what we truly want.
Find The Spiritual Gold Outside Your Comfort Zone
Some people are not ready or strong enough to embrace the truth, nor the unfamiliar. And that’s okay. We are all at different stages in our soul evolution. Energetically we are like magnets that resonate with those who are on the same frequency, and bounce off those who do not share our level of understanding. And that is okay.
The more evolved and sensible we are spiritually, the more open we are to embrace new information and learn from the acquired insight and wisdom of others. The higher our vibration, the less likely we are to overreact with extreme resistance, or become anxious or annoyed when we are confronted with inconvenient new realities.
Resistance and defensiveness stem from the ego. The ego tends to hinder us from being present and truly connecting, learning, growing, and expanding. This ultimately keeps us from evolving spiritually.
I have always been a firm believer that the teacher will appear when the student is ready. Those who are no longer held back by the human ego, are more ready and open to receive new information and explore deeper wisdom on a soul level.
We need not unconditionally agree with everything, but one can always find some ‘gold’ in whatever crosses our path. There is always some nugget of wisdom or insight we can use, even if we choose to discard the rest. There is always something of value that we can add to our toolbox of personal growth and soul expansion. There is always something new to learn or discover.
The Empowering Flame Of Archangel Uriel
If you are feeling overwhelmed, depleted, extremely worried, lost and lonely, or in need of a major divine intervention, or a powerful spiritual boost, then calling on Archangel Uriel for support and guidance may be a wise choice.
Archangel Uriel symbolizes the omnipotent power of God, the giver of life. The name Uriel means ‘the fire of God.’ His role is to awaken higher consciousness in all people.
Uriel is held as the patron of wisdom and protector of teachers, ministers, and philosophers. With the fire of his flame, Saint Uriel spreads truth and wisdom throughout the world. This angel is the defender of the sense of the spirit, and guardian of the straight and clear path to achieving the glory of God.
Uriel is credited with the mighty force and spirit of life. The representation of him with a flame of fire symbolizes his duty: to ignite the conscience of men through the fire of truth.
He is known as the angel of those who seek truth and knowledge. Those who come seeking the help of this archangel often need guidance and wisdom to make the right choice in their lives.
Each archangel represents a direction: Raphael for the East, Gabriel for the West, Michael for the South, and Uriel for the North. This can be helpful when we meditate on a particular archangel.