selflessness
Helping Others Is A Great Way To Help Yourself
Ten years ago was a very difficult time in my life. I had a lot of time to reflect and put my own needs in perspective. My experience with that stress gave me coping skills that I want to share with you in today’s difficult times.
We all have choices in life when we believe that we have hit ‘rock bottom.’ We can choose to stay at that bottom and focus on that negative energy, or we can look for the positive side and see that there is nowhere else to go, except back up to the top.
A decade ago my mother was fighting cancer. She was strong and healthy and had always focused on a healthful and active lifestyle. Why did this happen to someone who does all the right things in life, when there are so many people that do not take care of themselves and then live a longer life?
In those days, I could choose to focus on such negative thoughts about how unfair life was, or I could choose to find the positive in that situation. Spending time with my mother, taking her to doctor’s appointments, cooking her favorite meals and offering my listening ear instead created a positive spirit for both of us.
I tried to spend as much time with her as possible, giving her time to live, love and laugh. We focused on one day at a time, but also made plans for tomorrow. Keeping busy and reminiscing over the positive memories we shared, truly helped me through that very stressful time with my mother.
On top of dealing with my mother, I also had a nine year old Doberman dog that was very close to me. He had just been diagnosed with liver disease and his prognosis was not good. The added stress of my dog’s health made matters even more challenging. I still think sometimes that if it wasn’t for bad luck, I would have no luck at all! But I make an effort to snap out of this kind of thought process as quickly as possible. It serves no purpose in the long run.
Work Through The Fear, Obligation And Guilt (FOG)
Reflecting on my life I have found how many of my early life experiences have subconsciously influenced me, mostly due to a lack of awareness that allowed fear, a sense of obligation and guilt to remain hidden.
These hidden influences mostly come from my formative years and became obstacles I had to repeatedly struggle with in my adult life with regards relationships, career, finances, family and community.
Once I discovered these non-empowering beliefs, it was time for me to get out of the FOG (Fear, Obligation, Guilt). In hindsight, several things I was unaware of in my family’s dynamics, were actually ‘seeds’ hidden beneath the surface that in time sprouted into personal challenges and self-sabotage.
Fear
Fear and insecurity are frequent visitors for many of us in all areas of life. I was constantly focused on the negative and worst-case scenarios. This is because our brain is wired this way for the purpose of survival. Much of it also depends on our upbringing. So, we must recognize this and catch ourselves early on, in order to shift our thoughts and emotions in a positive direction.
We must be cognitive of our behaviors and explore where in our life we have learned these negative, fear-based responses. Fear is a natural part of life, but can easily become a ‘whack-a-mole’ of frustration, anxiety, uncertainty and indecision, always showing up at the most inconvenient times.
To Live Gratitude Is To Touch Heaven
One aspect of spiritual living too seldom addressed is our lack of true appreciation and gratitude for all the blessings in our lives, regardless of our circumstances.
Some spiritual seekers tend to be very keen on beating the drum of prosperity, and becoming fixated on the Law of Attraction and manifesting abundance, which is too often merely a thinly disguised obsession with material wealth and earthly comforts.
Most of us simply take too much for granted every day. We experience so many blessings of joy, beauty, forgiveness, protection and Divine grace, which we seldom acknowledge in our lives. We always have something to be grateful, or thankful for, no matter how difficult times may be. As a species we are very good at complaining about what we don’t have, but we seem to find it difficult to give thanks for what we do have.
We seldom express our gratitude and appreciation towards those we love and cherish, and we hardly ever remember to share what we have with those who have less – not because we feel obligated, but because we feel so much appreciation that we simply want to share our abundant blessings with others. Charity is not about lending a helping hand; it is about celebrating all that we have, and to share our joy and appreciation.
Research has demonstrated an indisputable connection between gratitude and spirituality. It is no coincidence that gratitude is regarded as a much cherished and valued quality by most world religions, including the Buddhist, Muslim, Hindu Jewish, and Christian traditions. When reviewing the large body of research done on the subject, gratitude seems to play a much more noteworthy role in our happiness and well-being than most other emotions and personality traits.
Several research studies in recent years have shown that people who have a tendency towards higher levels of gratitude also tend to report higher levels of psychological, emotional and physical well-being. People who are grateful have been shown to be happier, more optimistic and more content with their lives. They also appear to have lower levels of stress and depression, and they are more satisfied with their relationships and social interaction with others.
Pay It Forward With Holiday Gratitude
As the year end approaches, most of us would normally be shopping, entertaining and gathering with friends and family to celebrate the various holidays and the New Year. Lots of special food, drink and laughter would also be the order of the day!
With a few exceptions, many of our usual traditions are however being curtailed this year due to the COVID-19 pandemic. This year, at a time when holiday shopping, traditional music and festive lights usually brighten the scene, many of us will have to be low-key and socially distanced, even isolated and alone.
In addition, although many people will be able to celebrate virtually, those with limited access to technology will not, so some loved ones will be forced to limit their contact to the telephone only, or even do without.
It is therefore even more important this year to think of those who will not be able to find an easy way to compromise or ‘make-do’ with alternative online shopping or virtual socializing.
Give thought to those you personally know who may have been cut off from their usual social activities, friends and relatives. Perhaps you can make an extra phone call or two, or send an old-fashioned Christmas card by postal mail, or surprise them with the delivery of an unexpected little gift.
Let just one person outside your intimate family circle know that they are still in your thoughts, even though you cannot visit or see them in person. It can make really make a world of difference for someone who is unable to get out to visit friends, or welcome family this year.
Many people have also lost loved ones in recent months and will be grieving this Christmas, instead of celebrating. If you know someone who is in this predicament, do reach out to them and offer a comforting word and some emotional support. Even just a little can go a very long way!
Slay Those Demons This Festive Season!
In my many years on God’s earth, I can earnestly say I feel I have ‘slain more dragons’ than St. George, ‘cast out more demons’ than the priest in The Exorcist, and conquered much bigger giants than young Jack when he climbed up that beanstalk. I am not hoping to gain sympathy by saying this, but merely to state that if I can put down my personal demons, with Spirit’s help of course, then I could help you do the same.
The year 2020 has been one of far too many challenges for most of us. Some of us have had to deal with unusual difficulties and challenges we may have never encountered otherwise. For me, it began with a cancer scare, then continued with the outbreak of the Covid-19 pandemic, and ended with me supporting my husband through a bout of deep depression. Indeed, 2020 is a year I will never forget, as much as I may want to!
However, my guides have been reminding me that I have also gained some blessings from this year. For one, I would say that my inner resolve has grown much stronger, and my desire to be of service and help others have reached an all-time high.
I am not suggesting that everyone must have reasons to appreciate the challenges this year brought, but as 2020 draws to a close, I do hope that the following practical strategies may help you to ‘slay some demons’ and end this year on a more positive note, in order to start next year with more optimism, hope and joy.
Find An Inspiring Role-Model
The one person who has always given me a sense of strength is the late Martin Luther King. He famously said, “The ultimate measure of a man is not where he stands in moments of comfort and convenience, but where he stands at times of challenge and controversy.”
Whenever I am in a difficult, stressful situation, I always ask myself what would Martin Luther King do in my situation? In fact, I even imagine him by my side, giving me all the strength and motivation that I need at any given time. You can do this too by finding yourself a hero or heroine that inspires you.